Colon Flushing

Hello everyone!

Sometimes the Internet can be informative. In fact, I learned something new again the other day. As I was getting ready to delete my junk email, one message caught my eye. What I saw amazed me to the point that I don't think I'll ever be the same person again.

Apparently, our colons are filthy, and the only way to clean them up is with this:


Yes, I can "flush up to 20 pounds" from my colon, and so can you (from your colon, of course, not mine)!

And look at how happy the woman in the picture is! You can tell by the expression on her face that 20 pounds of, well, something has just recently been flushed out of her colon via, I would assume, her rectum. Thumbs up, indeed!

When I saw this, I really had to stop and think about it for a moment. I mean, Lord knows there have been a few instances in which I felt like I lost 20 pounds while using the old crapper. But in reality, it was probably more like a pound, maybe a pound and a half tops, especially after a night of seafood enchiladas and several quart-sized mugs of Dos Equis.

So I had to wrap my mind around exactly how much 20 pounds really is. I found some pictures of 20 pound objects and posted them here just to get a perspective of how much 20 pounds actually is.

Here's a 20 pound dumbbell:

Here are several 20 pound bags of potatoes. Imagine carrying one of these around in your colon! I'd prefer the brown potatoes over the red ones, but that's just me.

A 20 pound bag of (hippie) charcoal looks like this:

You can get kitty litter in 20 pound bags. Here's one:

Speaking of kitty litter, there are 20 pound cats, too. You wouldn't want to find one of these in your colon, no siree!

This insane man has caught an ugly 20 pound fish. Judging by the look on his face, I think he has another 20 pound fish in his colon:

This propane tank holds 20 pounds. Taste the meat, not the heat!

And here's another photo of 20 pounds:

Yes, it is possible that these things are in our colons, weighing us down and polluting us with their "cancer causing toxins". But with Colonex 700 (shouldn't it be Colonex 20?), we can finally live a meaningful existence again, free of 20 pounds of God-knows-what in our lower digestive tract! Hooray for this new and exciting product!

I even came up with a couple slogans for it. First: Colonex 700, take me away!

If that doesn't work, how about: Colonex 700. When Colon Blow just won't cut it.



Rob

I Comment on the News, School's Out for Summer, and Coast Extravaganza!

Hello everyone!

I started a new blog.

Let me explain--I was feeling like this blog was becoming somewhat schizophrenic. In a way, Rob Dow's World has become a mixture of stuff going on in my life and me commenting on what was going on in the rest of world. So I decided to split myself in two!

From here on out (meaning until I change my mind), this blog, Rob Dow's World, will focus on personal stuff, and my new blog, Rob Comments on the News, will be where I, well, comment on the news.

So update your bookmarks. The new site, Rob Comments on the News, can be found here. Or you can also click on the handy link on the right side of this page.

Either way, just keep in mind that the address for Rob Comments on the News is http://robcommentsonthenews.blogspot.com/.

I plan on updating my new blog, Rob Comments on the News, at least once a week. I also plan on updating this blog, Rob Dow's World, whenever anything worth writing about happens in my world.

Speaking of which, I'm done with school until September. I'm glad, too, because I was getting pretty burned out. I'm also finally completely done with taking classes at Lane (yes, I finally passed them!), which means I'll soon be sent a piece of paper that says I have an "Associate Degree"! It's time to go frame shopping!

I worked as a checker at Kmart when I was 18, and I was referred to as an "associate". That should tell you how illustrious an "Associate Degree" is. And it only took me three and a half years to earn one!

But like heroin, I could never fully leave Lane. I'll probably go back to work there as a tutor in the fall. I might even try to sit in on one of Steve Candee's Political Science classes.

Here's something else worth writing about: I had a fantastic time with the families last week. My parents, grandma, sister, niece, and niece's fiancé, as well as Cathy's parents, sister, and sister's big, friendly dog, Kody (or Kodi, or Cody, or Codi, or Quod-hyee, or however it's spelled) hung out in the area for a while, and we all stayed a beach house on the Oregon Coast near Newport for three nights. It was a great time. We went to the touristy yet still interesting Oregon Coast Aquarium. We flew stunt kites on the beach. We relaxed in the hot tub. We played a mean game of Balderdash that I managed to win despite having consumed way too much wine.

Here's the funny thing. Normally, this is where I would post lots of pictures of our adventure. The problem is, I ain't got none.

Don't get me wrong, Cathy has a nice digital camera (though if you're reading this and thinking, "Hmm, I should buy those guys a fancy new camera," email me, and I'll give you our mailing address). There were fresh batteries in her camera, and the memory stick had plenty of room for many great pictures. We even remembered to take the camera with us, though both of us forgot to pack our cellphone chargers (and our phones take pictures, too).

The thing was, we were having such a great time, neither of us thought to bust out the camera and take a single picture. Not once.

However, I'm reasonably sure that there were other cameras there. And I'm reasonably sure they were being used at least once or twice, if not more. I'm also reasonably sure that at least one or two of the other people who were there and possibly using said cameras also occasionally read this blog. Maybe one of them will email me some photos, so I can post them for the millions and millions of three people who read this blog.

Anyway, while I sit here at my computer and wait for that email, be sure to check out my new site, Rob Comments on the News!

Rob

The Greatest Article Ever Written

Hello everyone!

Yes, this is going to be another copy and paste post. But I read this article and immediately had this desire to share it with all both my readers because it just might very well be the greatest article ever written!

Yes, I have time to read but not enough time to write. Finals will be over next week, and then you'll get some many blog postings all summer that they'll be coming out of your ass nose.

So without any further ado, the greatest article ever written:

Mich. man in wheelchair takes wild ride

By JAMES PRICHARD, Associated Press Writer

Ben Carpenter got the ride of a lifetime when his electric wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was accidentally pushed down a highway for several miles at about 50 mph. His father, Donald Carpenter, was incredulous when police called to tell him his 21-year-old son was OK after the wild ride.

"I said, 'What happened?'" Donald Carpenter recalled Thursday.

He said his son had started to cross Wednesday afternoon at an intersection in Paw Paw, about 140 miles west of Detroit, where the truck had stopped for a red light. The light changed to green while Carpenter was still in front of the semi, which started moving forward.

The truck bumped into the side of the wheelchair, which then started turning forward, its handles becoming lodged in the grille, the father said. The wild ride had started.

"He's so low that the truck driver couldn't see him, and the truck headed out," he said.

The wheelchair, with Carpenter strapped in it, ended up being pushed by the truck as it sped down the Red Arrow Highway. Police said the wheelchair was pushed about four miles, but Donald Carpenter said it was about half that.

Ben Carpenter said while all of this was going on, he seriously considered the possibility that he might not make it before the truck came to a complete halt.

"I was probably thinking that this is going to keep going and not stop anywhere, 50 or 60 miles somewhere," he told Grand Rapids television station WOOD.

"It was pretty scary," he told WDIV-TV of Detroit.

The bizarre sight caught the attention of motorists, many of whom called 911 on their cell phones. A pair of undercover police officers who happened to be driving in the opposite direction at the time saw what was happening, did a quick U-turn, followed the truck to its business and informed the disbelieving driver, Donald Carpenter said.

His son escaped injury.

"He's fine," Donald Carpenter said. "Not a scratch. He was basically just scared."

Ben Carpenter, who has muscular dystrophy, lives with his parents in nearby Kalamazoo. He had gone to Paw Paw to ride on a trail with a medical aide who was on a bicycle, his father said.

The aide had fallen slightly behind Carpenter by the time he was crossing the intersection and, because of the angle, didn't see him being pushed down the road. She had no idea what had happened to him.

"She was frantic and then a driver at the intersection started honking his horn and said he's attached to the front of the truck," Donald Carpenter said. The aide then used her cell phone to call for help.

The father said being pushed down the road by the truck burned most of the rubber off the tires of the wheelchair, but otherwise didn't damage it. The tires were replaced Thursday morning, in time for his son to use the wheelchair this weekend at a muscular dystrophy camp.

"It's a very bad story that ended very well," he said. "We're just thrilled that he's still around."

See? Wasn't that the greatest article ever written? No? It had all the elements: a wheelchair getting stuck in a truck's grille, a town called Paw Paw, muscular dystrophy camp. If James Prichard doesn't unanimously win a Pulitzer Prize for this article, there is no justice in this world.

Rob

It's Funny Because It's True

Hello everyone!

I thought I was the only one who remembers those Charles Atlas ads from comic books and Mad Magazine. But apparently, Tom Tomorrow remembers them too:

I think the girl in the bikini represents the voting public. Damn, we're pretty hot!

As for Harry Reid and the rest of the gutless Democrats, shut the hell up, indeed.

Rob