Friday, June 29, 2007

Colon Flushing

Hello everyone!

Sometimes the Internet can be informative. In fact, I learned something new again the other day. As I was getting ready to delete my junk email, one message caught my eye. What I saw amazed me to the point that I don't think I'll ever be the same person again.

Apparently, our colons are filthy, and the only way to clean them up is with this:

Yes, I can "flush up to 20 pounds" from my colon, and so can you (from your colon, of course, not mine)!

And look at how happy the woman in the picture is! You can tell by the expression on her face that 20 pounds of, well, something has just recently been flushed out of her colon via, I would assume, her rectum. Thumbs up, indeed!

When I saw this, I really had to stop and think about it for a moment. I mean, Lord knows there have been a few instances in which I felt like I lost 20 pounds while using the old crapper. But in reality, it was probably more like a pound, maybe a pound and a half tops, especially after a night of seafood enchiladas and several quart-sized mugs of Dos Equis.

So I had to wrap my mind around exactly how much 20 pounds really is. I found some pictures of 20 pound objects and posted them here just to get a perspective of how much 20 pounds actually is.

Here's a 20 pound dumbbell:

Here are several 20 pound bags of potatoes. Imagine carrying one of these around in your colon! I'd prefer the brown potatoes over the red ones, but that's just me.

A 20 pound bag of (hippie) charcoal looks like this:

You can get kitty litter in 20 pound bags. Here's one:

Speaking of kitty litter, there are 20 pound cats, too. You wouldn't want to find one of these in your colon, no siree!

This insane man has caught an ugly 20 pound fish. Judging by the look on his face, I think he has another 20 pound fish in his colon:

This propane tank holds 20 pounds. Taste the meat, not the heat!

And here's another photo of 20 pounds:

Yes, it is possible that these things are in our colons, weighing us down and polluting us with their "cancer causing toxins". But with Colonex 700 (shouldn't it be Colonex 20?), we can finally live a meaningful existence again, free of 20 pounds of God-knows-what in our lower digestive tract! Hooray for this new and exciting product!

I even came up with a couple slogans for it. First: Colonex 700, take me away!

If that doesn't work, how about: Colonex 700. When Colon Blow just won't cut it.


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