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Rob

Bubba's Pissed!

Hello everyone!

I think I'm having a good day, but let's wait until the September Report to see.

For those of you who haven't been following the story, General Petraeus, the Bush administration's pick to head up the military in Iraq, was due to give a report this month about the progress of the "SURGE", a strategery that the Bush administration wizards came up with. Basically, the plan was to bring in more soldiers and really ratchet up the violence in order to supposedly bring about peace.

That's right, a SURGE in violence=peace. Hey, at least the logic is consistent with the choice of names of other Bush administration brainchilds, such as the Clear Skies Initiative, which allowed an increase in pollution, or the Healthy Forests Initiative, which allowed more clearcut logging. Of course, since the numbskulls don't read past the name, many people thought they were good ideas. If the names had been more honest, nobody would've support them, but honesty isn't exactly a strong characteristic of this administration.

Anyway, Petraeus was supposed to give a "September Report" about how the SURGE was going. So all throughout the summer whenever the Democrats tried to set a withdrawal date or cut war funding, the Republicans kept saying, "Let's wait until the Petraeus report and see if the SURGE is working or not. You wouldn't want to abandon the troops, now, would you?"

So Congress spent the summer seeing and reading about all the bodies piling up, wondering if the SURGE was working or not. And wouldn't you know it, about a month prior, it was widely reported that White House officials wrote the Petraeus report, not Petraeus.

When September came around, Petraeus testified under oath that he wrote the report himself. But this doesn't change the fact that the report that he gave is the same old crap that the Bush administration has been spewing for years, essentially: "Everything is peachy keen."

Of course, now the droolers can say, "See, he wrote the report himself. That proves that everything in it must be true." Which of course begs the question: if the White House had written it, would that prove that everything in it was a lie? Probably.

To me, this sounds like a play out of Karl Rove's book: anonymously release a piece of bogus "evidence" that actually supports the truth, then point out that that one piece of evidence is bogus so as to discredit the entire argument. Hey, it worked on Dan Rather.

Lost in the whole debate was how much fudging of facts Petraeus did in his report. This prompted website MoveOn.org to take out a full page ad in The New York Times with the headline, "General Petraeus or General Betray Us?" Catchy, isn't it?

Among the facts that the ad lists: Petraeus has been saying we've been making progress for over three years, despite practically all evidence pointing to the contrary; that this summer has been the deadliest summer since we've been there in terms of US soldier deaths; that the Pentagon no longer counts the deaths from car bombs as casualties; that "sectarian fighting" only counts when a person gets shot in the back of the head, not in the front; and much more.

So in light of all this evidence, how did the Congress react? Did they pass a resolution to set a withdrawal date? Did they withhold funding for the war? Did they pass a resolution to change strategy in Iraq? Did they launch an investigation into the accuracy of the report? Did they condemn the Bush administration for misrepresenting the facts? Did they condemn Petraeus?

Nope. Instead, they voted to condemn MoveOn.org.

It didn't matter that everything in the ad was true. What mattered was that they called him "General Betray Us." It's a good thing that Petraeus changed his name when he was young. I wonder what they would've called General Buckhead?

Speaking of Buckheads, President Bush called the ad "disgusting", and that he "felt like the ad was an attack, not only on Gen. Petraeus, but on the U.S. military." It's the same old, same old--if you criticize anything about the war, you're criticizing the troops. And if anything goes wrong, it's not because of the people who are running the war, it's because a website takes out an ad in a newspaper.

And we're still not talking about the points made by the ad (well, we are--you and I... although I'm doing all the talking... and I'm not really talking, just typing--but I mean the mainstream media is not talking).

Over the years, I disagreed with many of the policies of the Bill Clinton administration--NAFTA, the Telecommunications Act of 1996, the handling of the Branch Davidians in Waco, and the bombing of Kosovo to name a few. But I have to admit, he was spot on here (though he's not talking about the points made in the ad, either):



Of course, the vultures are circling. And the same bunch of knuckle-draggers are terribly outraged at Bill's comments and the fact that Hillary voted against condemning MoveOn.org. I guess with all that outrage, there's not any left to be outraged about the bodies piling up in Iraq.

Rob

Vacation and Dumping My Computer

Hello everyone!

I'm back!

For those who have no idea that I went anywhere, well I did. And now I'm back. More on that in a moment.

But first, I want to talk about what I returned to. Or should I say, what I didn't return to. What didn't I return to?

A computer that worked.

Now, I do realize that it had been four years since I first purchased my spiffy eMachines T2482 desktop computer, but I never expected it to just throw in the towel so suddenly. Was it the fact that I was gone for a week? I promise, I didn't use any other computers while I was gone. I was still as hopelessly devoted to you while I was away, eMachines T2482, as I was that fateful summer afternoon in 2003 when I first laid my eyes on you in Circuit City in Springfield. There was a sale...

At first, I blamed myself. I mean, I was kinda heavy-handed with my typing. Also, I would download several updates while simultaneously watching a video on YouTube, searching MySpace, listening to a song on Pandora, and writing a paper in MS Word 2000. A lesser person would have dumped you just for having "2000" in the name of one of your programs. Not me.

But then I began to realize that you were giving up on me, not the other way around. Still, I had a difficult time coming to terms with it.

Until I met Toshiba A215-S4757, that is!

You know what, eMachines T2482? You were holding me back! That's right, you were cramping my style! I mean, Toshiba A215-S4757 is a laptop. That means I can go anywhere I want with Toshiba A215-S4757, but with you I had to either stay home with you or sneak around and use one of the computers at the LCC computer lab. That's right, I used other computers behind your back. Where do you think those documents on the flash drive came from? Don't act like you didn't know what was going on!

But now I don't have to sneak around and use those anonymous machines at the lab! See, Toshiba A215-S4757 gives me the freedom I never had with you, eMachines T2482! Or should I say, "Desktop Dumbass"!

But that's okay. We had some good times together, eMachines T2482. But really, Toshiba A215-S4757 showed me just what a cheap tramp you are. I mean, come on, selling yourself for $30 on ebay? How could I possibly respect you, eMachines T2482, after that?

Look, don't make things any more difficult than they already are. Just take your things and leave. Yes, you can keep the floppy disc drive, but the printer, wireless mouse, monitor, speakers, and keyboard all stay with me. I know you need all that stuff, but you're just going to have to find someone else to give it to you. Really, it's for the best.

Anyway, onto the trip...

The whole point of it was to visit Cathy's family in New England. I have to admit that initially I wasn't thrilled about the whole idea of spending time with a bunch of (mostly) old people that I've never met. There was talk about this being the last time we'd all get to be together because everyone was old and hanging in there for us to come out and visit before they pass on and that we'd be horrible, selfish people if we didn't come out, no matter what we had planned.

Incidentally, Cathy and I had had something radically different planned. But we only had so much vacation time available, so New England it was, whether we liked it or not.

But I have to admit, I had a great time. I had heard stories about Cathy's family, how they're all "crazy" and that this was going to be a long seven days. But really, they were all great, and I'm not just saying that in case one of them reads this!

Besides, with a family like mine, I'm used to "crazy" relatives!

We flew out of Portland. On the way to the airport, we saw the strangest thing:


That's right, it's a truckload of soy sauce. Who would need this much soy sauce? I had visions of going to a gas station and being asked if I want regular, super unleaded, or soy sauce. It's not even Kikkoman, for crying out loud!

Our flight went from Portland, Oregon to Manchester, New Hampshire via Atlanta, Georgia. Now I know that anyone with a Rand McNally road atlas, a globe, or Google Earth would be asking, "Why would you go through Atlanta if you were going to New Hampshire from Portland?" Well the answer is...

Hmm...

Well, I'm not sure why. But it was cheaper that way, so there you go.

On our flight from Atlanta to Manchester just before we left the gate, the flight attendant got on the loudspeaker and said, "This is a non-stop flight to Burlington, Vermont..." Immediately, everyone on the plane (about 50 people--it was a small plane) simultaneously gasped. A couple people said, "You mean Manchester, right?" He got back on the loudspeaker and said, "Sorry, that's Manchester, not Burlington," and all 50 people simultaneously exhaled with such force that I thought the sudden increase in air pressure would rip apart the plane if it hadn't been designed to handle rapid air pressure changes.

We made it to New Hampshire and hung out for a few days at Cathy's Grandma Taylor's house:

This was my first time meeting Cathy's mom's side of the family. Her Grandma is 94 years old and still living on her own.

I guess some developmental company was in the process of finalizing a deal to buy her property. Their plans include demolishing the house and then building a road and 7-8 new houses. I had mixed feelings about it. I got to see the blueprints, and they were going to include public green space, walking trails, and lots of natural forest around each of the lots (they had about 10 acres to work with). And the house was in pretty rough shape after years of neglect, so it probably wasn't worth repairing. But still, all I kept thinking was that there were a lot of memories that were going to be destroyed with the house, and they weren't even my memories.

The house bordered a small farm:



Have you ever seen corn that tall? Well, now you have! We didn't find any children living in it, though. And no dead baseball players came out ready to play a game, either.

We walked through the corn and ended up at the Nashua River:

It was very quaint. Incidentally, "quaint" was the appropriate word to describe everything in New England.

Along the river was the New Hampshire-Massachusetts state line, and there was a stone marker to, well, mark the border:


I'm not sure why there's a border marker in the middle of nowhere, but I had fun jumping to one side and saying, "I'm in New Hampshire!" and jumping back and saying "I'm in Massachusetts!" over and over again. I think everyone else was annoyed by the eighteenth time I did it. That didn't stop me from doing it another 65 more times!

We got to enjoy some of the wildlife more than they enjoyed us:

Does this picture make my fingers look fat?

Here's a baby snapping turtle being held by Uncle Jim:


He looks thrilled (the turtle, not Jim).

I like this shot:

It's a frog in a puddle with the clouds reflected in the water. I didn't intend for the reflection to end up in the shot, but it did, and I'm not complaining.

They do weird things in New England:

Nobody in our group had any idea what "Meat Bingo" is. We wondered if it's regular bingo with meat awarded to the winners, or if meat was somehow involved in the actual game play. Did they use, say, pepperoni slices to mark their card? Or was a piece of pork on a fork dipped in barbecue sauce used to stamp the cards? Or maybe types of meat were used in place of the B-I-N-G-O letters: "Pork chop 34! Brisket 49! T-bone 11! Ground chuck 62!"

Alas, the event happened before we got there, so we'll never know.

Not only do I not know what Meat Bingo is, I have no idea what an "Ass-Plus Community" is:


I tried a local carbonated beverage called "Moxie":


Moxie is somewhere between cola and root beer and... raw sewage. I drank a couple liters of it, though, mainly because I needed something to mix with the booze.

I had heard that New Englanders love Moxie, but most of the New Englanders we came across either didn't like it, had never tried it, or had never heard of it.

I do find the guy in the orange jacket pointing at me to be a bit threatening, though.

And speaking of booze, here are the before and after photos:



You may notice there are more bottles in the "after" picture than in the "before" one. Well, that's because we went back to the liquor store a few times!

New Hampshire liquor stores are funny. They're state run like Oregon and Idaho, but they're about ten time the size. Since the three of us (Cathy, her sister, and I) couldn't agree on what to get, we decided to buy a bunch of the little bottles.

I suppose I should explain the purpose of the booze in the first place. It started out as a joke: "We're going to need a bottle of booze to get through this week," turned into "Well, maybe it would be nice to be able to have a swig every now and again to take the edge off," and then turned back into "We're going to need a bottle of booze to get through this week," except no longer joking. Unfortunately, being the dumbass I am, I bought a bottle here in Oregon and proceeded to forget to pack it. So it was off to the liquor store for us.

By the way, mixing Bailey's and Pepsi--bad idea!

We also went to Target. Cathy's sister lives in Alaska, and they don't have any Targets (yet), so whenever we hang out with her in the lower 48, we have to go to the local Target.

The one in Nashua was cool, though, because it had two stories. A two story store is usually not a big deal. The JC Penney'ses and Macy'ses of the world are usually two stories, but have you ever seen a shopping cart in one of those stores? Neither have I. But every Target I've been to is loaded with those red plastic carts. Of course, this presents a problem because you can't take a cart up and down an escalator. This Target solved that problem by building an escalator specifically for carts:

Of course, I had to get a cart just so I could try out the cart escalator!

Interestingly enough, there was a Latino family speaking Spanish in the store. We were almost as far away from Latin America as we could be while remaining in the US, but there they were. This amused me because I knew that it would really piss off the xenophobes out there, though I know this family probably has to deal with a bunch of crap from them all the time.

After New Hampshire, it was off to Vermont to see our friend Kate. We passed a cool waterfall along the way:


My first thought was that I should try to climb it. But thankfully, there was a sign to explain to me how stupid my idea was:


I guess people wised up by 1978. It's a good thing, too, because they were running out of room on the sign!

We made it to the small, quaint town of Warren to hang out with Kate for a few hours. I don't have any pictures of that, though. Just imagine Kate in a small, quaint town. If you don't know Kate, just picture someone you don't know in a small, quaint town. If you don't know Kate and you've never been to a small, quaint town, just imagine someone you don't know in some place you've never been to.

We then headed to Massachusetts to visit Cathy's Dad's side of the family. On the way, we went back through New Hampshire and passed two coach buses on the freeway. The one in the back was ordinary enough, but the one in the front said "McCain 2008" all over it. "Holy shit, it's The Straight Talk Express!" We couldn't take any photos because by this time, it was dark outside, but the bus's interior lights were on, and we could see inside. "Hey, that's the back of John McCain's white, combed-over head!"

Of course, it would have been much more exciting to see someone with a better chance of winning the election--someone like Tom Tancredo, Mike Gravel, or Richard Nixon's rotting corpse. But hey, what can you do?

Eventually, we made it to Massachusetts. There was a different sort of wildlife there:


For the first time, I got to see turkeys fly. It's just like seeing pigs fly, except the pigs are smaller and have feathers, wings, and a beak.

We also went cranberry picking. Here's what cranberries look like:


And I always thought they were shaped like a can.

This was also when I learned how to pronounce Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg. I never said I learned how to properly pronounce it.

Later we crawled under a fence (not realizing there was an open gate just a few feet away) to go see an old stone church:


The photo is dark, but I like it that way. It's foreboding!

Cathy's other Grandma was pretty cool, too. She had a bunch of jigsaw puzzles that we worked on. Finally, she dug out the puzzle that "no one has ever been able to put together." Of course, we had to try, and Grandma kept stopping by and saying things like "I should have given you one of the easy 300 piece puzzles, instead," and, "This one's too hard. Why don't you try an easier one?"

That only encouraged us more. Eight hours later:



We had help on this one from Cousin P.J. He's a pyrotechnician and gets to blow stuff up for a living. He's also the only Asian person I've ever met with a New England accent, so that makes him double cool in my book! Here's a video of his work:



Finally, we flew back to Portland, drove for two hours to Eugene, and made it home to my broken computer. Since then, I've been busy getting a new computer, getting my books for school that starts Monday, trying to figure out what the deal is with my financial aid, and working the whole time. Vacation is definitely over!

Today is a good day to call in sick. Where's my phone?

Rob

The Greatest Name Ever!

Hello everyone!

After years of searching, I've finally found the person with the coolest name ever. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...

Peter Bonerz!

I used to think Dick Trickle had the best name ever. Not anymore!

Not only does Peter Bonerz have the greatest name in the history of mankind, he also directed one of the Police Academy movies! Move over Sea Bass, I've got a new person to stalk!

I think I'll change my name in honor of this discovery.

Rob Rod Stiffeeze

The Onion: Town Hall Meeting Gives Townspeople Chance To Say Stupid Things In Public

Hello everyone!

Here's a great article from The Onion that I thought I'd repost here. For those of you who have already seen it, you're free to leave. For those who haven't, why not? In my opinion, it is the duty of every American (as well as foreigners that can speak English like God intended) to visit The Onion's website each and every day. You can start by clicking on the link below:

Town Hall Meeting Gives Townspeople Chance To Say Stupid Things In Public

You're welcome.

Rob

Fahrenheit 9/11: Family Guy Style

Hello everyone!

Here's a video that someone put together on YouTube. Aside from misspelling "Fahrenheit", it's worth a watch. Enjoy!



Rob

I'm The Slime: Frank Zappa on SNL

Hello everyone!

Enjoy some vintage Frank Zappa on Saturday Night Live from 1976:



Rob

Larry the Construction Guy

Hello everyone!

I couldn't resist devoting a blog posting to Idaho Senator Larry Craig. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about--those of you who have been waiting at your computer logged on to this site for the latest in news while simultaneously avoiding every other news outlet: I am impressed (and a bit creeped out). So to get yourself caught up, go here, then go here, then go here, then go here, then go here, and finally go here. If you want to be lazy, just read the headlines. I'm not going to recap the entire thing because I'm lazy, too.

As the millions all three of my readers probably know, I lived in Idaho for many years, much of my family still lives there, and I pretty much consider it my home state, even though it's a really strange place. However, it had been a while since Ruby Ridge, Aryan Nations, Richard Butler, and the Lily Pad Soup Incident, as well as a slew of others, so I guess we were due. In fact, things had gotten so good that recently a bunch of mainstream newspapers and magazines were gushing over good old Sandpoint, Idaho. But leave it to an Idaho Republican (sorry to be redundant) to restore Idaho's bad name! At least the focus is now on the whole state instead of just the northern part.

Here's my take: Larry Craig is a full-on closet case. The guy is queerer than a three dollar bill. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that. I bring this up not to make fun of him nor to make fun of gay people, but to point out what happens to a society that ostracizes a certain segment of its population.

I feel bad for the guy. Here's the thing, if he would have come out of the closet, it would have been all over for him. Had he been Senator of, say, Vermont or Massachusetts, he probably would be okay. He might lose a small percentage of the vote because of his sexuality, but it probably wouldn't make much of a difference.

But in Idaho, there's no way in hell he'd get reelected after coming out, not in his lifetime, probably not in 100 years. Larry Craig could be running against a guy who wants nuclear war with China and Russia, wants to dump toxic waste directly into our drinking water supply, plans to raise income tax to 98%, and promises to bring child slave labor back to this country, and the voters of Idaho would say, "That's a tough choice. But Craig's a homo, so I better vote for the other guy. Besides, my kids could use a job."

So poor old Larry had to stay in the closet. Worse, he tried to repress his feelings. He even seemed to have fallen for the whole "sexuality is a choice" line of BS.

I remember when I chose to be straight. I was about 14 and had already gotten my curlies, so I figured it was time to make my choice. Up until then, I wasn't attracted to either girls or boys. I wasn't really sure what to choose so I decided to flip a coin: heads for boys and tails for girls. Well, wouldn't you know it, it was tails! The next day when I went to school, I suddenly found myself attracted to girls! And it's a good thing the coin didn't come up heads! Had that happened, I wouldn't have been able to get married to someone I was attracted to. I might even have gotten the crap beaten out of me or been killed for flirting with someone I was attracted to. I guess I made the "right" choice!

Whatever.

But since Larry tried to repress his feelings, and since that obviously doesn't work, he had to go "underground" and have anonymous sex with random partners in public restrooms across the country. Now I know that he only plead guilty once, and I have no proof that this happened more often. But according to the police report, Larry was quite brash and arrogant in that restroom in Minnesota, and he didn't have any of the nervousness or discontent of someone trying something new. I think it's a safe bet he's done this many times before.

In this bigoted nation of ours, it's often difficult for a gay person to be accepted, whether it's in politics or in business or within some families or social circles, etc. That's exactly why so many stay in the closet. It's easier to suppress one's feelings than to run the risk of being an outcast.

But there's a vicious cycle here. Shame and guilt go hand-in-hand with being in the closet, and that leads to self-loathing. When the self-loathing is combined with the power that comes from the positions they hold, these people act out their suppressed feelings in twisted ways: a Senator propositions men for dirty public restroom sex, a Reverend hires gay prostitutes, or even worse, a Congressman sexually harasses underage boys. Then the general public yells a collective "Ewww!" or "Disgusting!" and thinks all gay people are propositioning each other in public restrooms, hiring prostitutes, and chasing boys. Of course, that stigma leads to less gay people coming out of the closet. Lather, rinse, repeat.

The irony, of course, is that the "disgust" is what often leads to gay people to be closeted and self-loathing, and thus engage in "disgusting" acts.

Why can't more politicians and preachers (sorry to be redundant) learn from those in the music industry? Think of all the musicians who came out and still managed to sell records. They were probably much happier after the fact, too. Take Liberace:

I remember how shocked we were to find out he was gay.

And then there's Freddie Mercury:

Who knew this sparkly frontman for a band named "Queen" would turn out to be a queen?

Don't forget Elton John:

Get back, Honky Cat! The Bitch is Back!

There's always everyone's favorite Heavy Metal headbanger, Rob Halford:

Nope, nothing gay looking about him.

And let's not forget the Village People:


On second thought, how did anybody think these guys were not gay?

So Larry Craig, if you're reading this (I'm sure he is), take my advice: embrace who you are and come on out. You may not be able to be Senator anymore, but I hear the Village People are a construction worker short of a reunion tour.

Rob