Thursday, April 03, 2008

9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

Hello everyone!

Here's the latest breaking news:

9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

For more of the same, visit:

9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

You can't go wrong with The Onion.


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Anonymous Al Qaeda said...

Happy Birthday!!!

8:37 PM, April 03, 2008  
Blogger Rob said...

Hello Al!

You're a day late. Have you ever heard of punctuality? You didn't have any problem being punctual for your flights on 9/11!


What? Still too soon for 9/11 jokes? Then how about a Christa McAuliffe joke? Too bad I can't remember any.


9:41 PM, April 03, 2008  
Anonymous Allen Qaeda said...

It's funny that you bring up punctuality regarding 9/11. Oh, how that date rings in my ears! The guys totally fucked up on that one. The glorious attack against the Great Satan was actually supposed to take place on 9/10/11

9/11/01. What a joke. I mean, where's the symbolism in that? 9/10/11! Now that's something. Do you see! Do you see how numbers keep getting bigger! Death to America! If you wanna fuck with Al Qaeda's Crew, this is what's gonna happen! It will be like counting the dead bodies. "9, 10, 11... When will it end? I don't know! BOo Hoo!"

But noooo, my guys had to fuck it all up. Now we're stuck with this stupid 9/11/01 thing. All I hear, day in, day out, is 9/11/01 9/11 911. I mean for Muhammad's sake! All think about when I hear those numbers is those infidels in hotpants on that stupid show "Reno 911". Or even worse, that tone deaf stutterer William Shatner. "OOOOooo, I.. was on... Star Trek.. don't you... think youshould... in an call... Rescue.. 911 and don't forget to... buy discount plane tickets... on priceline.... . ... com.

It was probably that dirty rotten sonofagoat Shatner himself that fucked up the date in the first place.

I suppose I learned something from this whole experience. When you are fighting the Great Satan, don't bother trying to save a buck buying your plane tickets from washed up tv spacemen.

4:17 PM, April 04, 2008  
Blogger Rob said...

Hello Allen!

Just think--all this time I thought "Al" was short for "Alastair". Who knew?

Why 9/10/11? Why not 8/9/10? Or 6/6/06 for that matter? Or 1/2/03 at 4:56? Is it too difficult to plan it down to the minute?

Well, you can always try something else on 9/10/11. But you'll probably have trouble outdoing yourself this time. Maybe you should just stay at home and take a cold shower. Although, I suppose you'd be used to that because you probably don't have hot water in your cave that's located somewhere in the Afghanistan-Pakistan border region.

Maybe you should just give it up for good. I miss having civil liberties.


5:58 PM, April 04, 2008  
Anonymous Al Qaeda said...

Plan down to the minute he says! What a hoot! My last attempt at making some grand statement was off its cue by more than a decade! This guy thinks I can pull off another one down to the frickin minute! Please..

No, I'm done! I have given up. One massive humilitation in a lifetime is more than enough for me. From now on, I will just sit here and quietly live out my remaining days in the comfort and safety of my undisclosed location. Oh, and yes, we do have hot and cold running water here.

In fact, we've got everything we need down here. More than that, we've got it all! We have swimming pools, movie stars.. You know, the whole bit. Even civil liberties. Such as they are around here.


But seriously though..

I hope you had a happy birthday the other day, with or without civil liberties.

I hope you don't blame me for taking them away from you. I totally had nothing to do with that one.

11:16 PM, April 04, 2008  
Blogger Rob said...

Hello Al!

Of course it's not your fault about the civil liberties. Still, they started disappearing right after you showed up, so guilty by association.

Anyway, if you end up in Oregon soon, vote for Steve Novick for US Senate! Although if you do, let's keep it on the down low, OK?

1:43 PM, April 06, 2008  

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