Friday, January 19, 2007

I'm Rich! I'm Rich! Yay! (Part 4)

Hello everybody!

For those of you just tuning in, here are Parts 1, 2, and 3 of the "I'm Rich! I'm Rich! Yay!" saga. Or you could just scroll down.

Well, I did finally get a response from the supposed attorney of my late wealthy distant relative. Interestingly enough, this email was sent from a third email address (barrister_thomascolechambers2001@yahoo.com if you care). Here is the email along with my comments:
Hello,
Come on, at least use my name here, as in "Hello Rob," or "Hello Mr. Dow,". If you're going to pull off a scam, you've got to remember the details. It's probably an automated system which would mean they get a lot of responses.
I got your mail, I want you to understand the means of getting the funds into your account, so peruse my mail.
What if I don't have an account? What if I don't know how to peruse?
Thanks for your email and interest in this pending transaction here is the full details of how this transaction will be achieved.

Firstly, I will like to clearly make you understand that legally, you have nothing to worry about as far as this inheritance claim is concerned. As a lawyer with Twenty Five years of experience I make bold to say with full authority that this business is 100% legal and safe. I hope you have read my first letter to your understanding? It is my desire to go into business relationship with you. But this is based on your professional assistance, willingness, trust sincerity and give out your undivided effort.
Well, he "make[s] bold to say with full authority that this business is 100% legal and safe." That's good enough for me.

I'm not sure what "undivided effort" means. Could posting this be an example of a "divided effort"?
Late Richard Burson Dow,is my client and I am his family attorney here in my country where he died with his wife and children. He has deposited the sum of $28.5million in a Finance company call Equity Development Bank of Nig here in my country before he died.
This is the only time my name was ever mentioned. Definately automated.

Wait a minute, didn't the plane crash just off the New York coast? He and his family must've survived the crash and swam for shore only to die just off the coast of Nigeria. Too bad they didn't go the other way--they might've made it.
I will provide all the legal documents, like the Deposit Certificate and his Death Certificate.
So where are they? What's the matter, not enough time to forge those?
Further to this I wish to let you understand that I am a man of 53years, married, with four children. But there is one thing I want you to know. I don't want a situation whereby we have started this business you will one day change. Because some times humans change when it comes to dealings with money. I have contacted you because we two can always understand each other. Moreso I want you to know that this transaction must be kept absolutely confidential. I am banking on you not to disclose this business to any body. I want us to go into business relationship, this is why I contacted you. If you are willing to work with me, you must always follow my instructions in order not to make mistakes.
Hey, he's got four kids. That means he's trustworthy. Ability to procreate=honesty.

Yes, "humans change when it comes to dealings with money." The other day, a young man in front of me at the bank turned into an elderly lady as soon as he deposited his check. One time I went to a grocery store and grew a third nostril while the cashier gave me change.

Unfortunately, I already screwed up the confidentiality part. But hey, hardly anyone reads this blog anyhow, so it's just like I didn't tell anyone.

By the way, I wonder why he wants it to be confidential?
I was the deceased attorney, this legally means that I am mandated to carry out any business dealings on his behalf, as if he was present. I was his attorney for several years until his death. I was his closest confidant as explained above, the deceased had no next of kin to inhenrit the mentioned amount and his entire estate. Being the deceased attorney I am the only person who can confirm to the Finance company the claim of any next of kin, and also advice the Finance company to effect payment to such a beneficiary.
He was "the deceased attorney"? He gets a lot of stuff done for a dead guy.

Since "the deceased had no next of kin to inhenrit the mentioned amount and his entire estate," that means that I'll be the one to "inhenrit" all the money! I guess that's better than having to "inroosterit" the estate.

He's the only person who can confirm to the finance company, yet he's the "deceased attorney". He must communicate with the bank through some sort of medium. I guess I have no choice but to trust him, just like he said I should.
when I authorize the payment to you, and the money gets into your account, you will take 40%, while I take 50% and 10% for any expenses we may encounter. if you agree with this, then this is how we are going to progress with the business-:
Hey, he gets 50%?! That's highway robbery. At least he's somewhat honest about being a thief.
(a). I will provide you with the recent bank statement of the deceased and his death certificate.
Again, where are they?
(b). You will be required to engage the services of a lawyer, who will professionally act on your behalf, as your attorney. such a lawyer to be hired, must be duly registered in nigeria and practices in nigeria. The attorney will process all the required legal back up documents from the high court of nigeria and forward same to the Finance company with the Finance application form for inheritance claims on your behalf.
Where am I supposed to find a lawyer registered and practicing in Nigeria? Actually, now that I think about it one will probably conveniently send me an email soon. From a fourth address.
(c). When the Finance company receives your claims application, they will immediately draw my attention to it notifying me that someone has put in a claim as the next of kin to the deceased. I will be asked by the Finance company to verify the genuiness of the said claim and recommend to them, what action they should take as regards payment.
He's going to "be asked by the Finance company to verify the genuiness of the said claim." Mmm, genuiness.
(d). The Finance company on the receipt of my confirmation, will now get in touch with you, through your attorney asking that you present them with your banking co-ordinates, so that they can transfer the money into your nominated account.
My "banking co-ordinates"? Does that mean he wants the latitude and longitude of my bank?
(e). When the Finance company receives your banking information, they will release the money into your nominated account.
My "nominated account"? Nominated for what, an Oscar? A daytime Emmy? A big withdrawl without my approval?
(f). Give me the following information:

1, Your Address:
2, Occupation:
3, Age:
4, Full Name:
5, Private Number:
I gave him an address to send the cash. What more could he want? Oh yeah, all that other stuff. I guess it makes the identity theft a bit easier.
The above is a very concise explanation of the entire process of this business transaction. This mentioned process will only take ten banking days to complete from the day that your attorney submits the papers to the Finance company. Now I will only do this business with you on the condition that you will promise to be absolutely honest with me, and that you will respect the confidentiality of this business transaction, and keep it as such.
He really wants things to be confidential. See my comment above.
Again we will have to familiarize ourselves, by providing a picture identity of ourselves, so that we can both know whom we are dealing with business wise. I will need to see your identity, and your postal and residential address. Attached is my client personal picture/ my call to bar certificate with my personal ID.
See my identity? Is that even possible? It's like seeing my personality. Though, I suppose he'd need to see my identity before he could steal it.
Forward to me your private mobile number with your country code for easier communication.
Is he going to try to steal my phone minutes, too? Make 1-900 calls?
Warmest Regards,
Barr.Thomas Cole.
See! I am going to be rich! Yay!

But I know some of you out there are the skeptical type and need more proof. Well, Thomas Cole also sent pictures with his email! Here they are, and you can click on then for greater detail:Well, that looks official enough to me. Of course, I could probably make one at home on my computer, but that doesn't matter. Now if only I knew someone familiar with Nigerian legal documents...
I'm no lawyer, but I don't think it's a good idea to send a scan of one's passport to just anyone. It's probably not a good idea to post a scan of someone's passport online for anybody to see. Like I said, I'm no lawyer.

Also, it looks like the signature says "Collins" not "Cole". Maybe they just do things differently in Nigeria.
There he is, the man of the hour, my late distant relative, Richard Burson "Dow". Apparently, he aged a few dozen years and somehow re-grew hair on his head by the time this picture was taken. And had plastic surgery. And grew a foot taller. And changed the color of his eyes.

Well, that's it. I'm not sure what I'm going to do next, but you'll be the first to know. Unless someone else reads my blog before you do. You better check for updates every half hour, 24/7, until my next post. Actually, to be on the safe side, check every five minutes. Hell, forget that. Go get a few days worth of water and snacks, grab a bucket to use as a toilet, and just stay on your computer at this site while continually clicking "refresh" every second until something new gets posted.

Until then, I'll be dreaming about all the things I'm going to do with 40% of $28.5 million.

Rob

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