Monday, January 15, 2007

I'm Rich! I'm Rich! Yay!

Hello everybody!

Some of you may not know this, but I have three different email addresses. One is my Lane Community College address that I use primarily for school stuff (imagine that). Another is my Yahoo address that I use to keep in touch with friends and family (when I say keep in touch, I mean forward lame jokes and annoying chain letters), as well as using for business stuff like shopping or paying bills.

The third is my Hotmail address. This is my junk e-mail address that I use for anything that I know will get me a lot of spam, such as registering for The New York Times website. A few years ago, I used the name "Robin Dow" for the hell of it to sign up for something I've long since forgotten. Now, most of the spam I get says "A free card for you, Robin," or "Robin, meet thousands of Christian simgles in your area," or "YOUVE WON @ FREE COASTA RICA VACATION ROBIN!" in the subject line. Unfortunately, nobody ever sends "Robin" any porn.

Usually, I just delete these messages once a week or so without even looking at them. But the other day, I got one with the subject line "Dear Dow". I was curious, so I read it. Here it is:

From the Desk: Barrister. Thomas Cole.
Thomas Cole & partners.
25 Wilson Road
Olodi Apapa
Lagos- Nigeria.
Private / Highly Confidential

Subject Matter: Invitation to act as Next-of-Kin

Dear Dow,

I presume this letter will come to you as a surprise, but as things unfold,we will know each other better. I will start by introducing myself to you. My name is Thomas Cole a solicitor at law.

I am writing in respect of a foreigner Richard Burson Dow, who happens to be my client an oil merchant and contractor who perished in a plane crash of 31st October 1999[WITH EGYPTIAN AIRLINE 990] with other passengers aboard.

Since the demise of my client I personally have watched with keen interest to see the next of kin but all has proved abortive as no one has come to claim his funds of US$28.5m(Twenty Eight Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollar) and all the relevant documents in the bank has no record of any next of kin. On this note, I decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as his next of kin so I have contacted you to assist in repatriating most especially, the money left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where the huge deposits were lodged.

Particularly, the Equity Development Bank Plc where the deceased had an account valued at about Usd28.5 million dollars has issued me a notice to provide the Next of kin, or have the account confiscated.

I seek your consent to present you as the Next of kin of the deceased.I know you can assist me as I need somebody who is trustworthy and willing to assist me get the funds transfered.Whcih the account which my late client operate is valued at Usd28.5 million dollars can be paid to you, as my clients Next of Kin, and then we can share the amount on a mutual agreed percentage.

All legal documents to back up your claim as the deceased Next of Kin will be provided. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law and you should endeavor to keep it confidential.

Please get in touch with me at, to enable us discuss further about this transaction.

Best regards,
Thomas Cole.

Wow! I'm rich!

I've gotten these kinds of email scams before, but I thought I'd have some fun with it. First, I decided to investigate Egyptian Airline Flight 990 and see if it did crash. It did, indeed! What a lucky break! Not only that but there were 203 passengers and no survivors! That's 203 opportunities for me to become filthy rich! Woo-hoo! And get this, the crash happened deliberately! That's right, the co-pilot deliberately crashed the plane into the Atlantic Ocean just 30 minutes after it left JFK airport in New York. Yowza!

Okay, enough of the black humor that's not very humorous.

I thought I'd do some investigating. What I needed was a passenger list to confirm that "Richard Burson Dow" was actually on board. Then I would confirm that he was actually a relative of mine. Then I'd confirm he was actually rich. Then I'd confirm that he had an attorney in Nigeria. Then I'd confirm my confirmations. That's a lot of confirming for a scam that's obviously a scam, but you can never be too safe.

I did manage to find a passenger list. The names were in alphabetical order, so that made things a bit easy. Hmmm, no "Richard Burson Dow" on the list. Wait a minute, there's a Richard Burson. The article even included a photo of the poor old guy. Wow, the scammers used the name of a actual passenger and then pasted my name to the end. I was clearly dealing with geniuses here. Yep, I'm going to have my work cut out for me if I want to get my hands on my $28.5 million.

To be continued...


Anonymous Greg said...

I got that same mailing. I read it for amusement value and then shredded it. I can't wait for the nail-biting conclusion!! Will Rob be rich? Do we possibly share a distant relative? If so, do I get paid? Tune in to find out!

12:48 PM, January 16, 2007  
Anonymous chris said...

Hey Baby Brother, Don't forget your favorite sister when you get your big bucks! I deserve something for putting up with you and changing your diapers. Or for just a few thousand you can always adopt a yak.

1:11 PM, January 16, 2007  
Blogger Rob said...

Hey Sis!

Come on now, you should feel lucky you got to change my diaper. It's not like it's something you'll ever get to do again. Cherish the memory!

As far as yak adoptions, I think I'll leave that to the "yaks-perts"! Get it? It's like "experts" but with the word "yak"! Where do I come up with this stuff?

Hey Greg!

Wow, you also had a relative on that same flight? What a coinkie-dink! You're not getting any of my $28.5 million, though. I earned it fair and square.


10:59 PM, January 16, 2007  

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