RIP: Music, c. Stone Age-2009

Hello everyone!

Well, it was a good run, but all things must eventually die. Thanks to the evil, greedy, capitalist bastards at Microsoft, music is now officially the latest victim of the Grim Reaper:



That's it. It's over. Microsoft's SongSmith is the final, fatal blow. Sure, it's not the only culprit. When Guitar Hero and Rock Band came out, the writing was on the wall. Actually, with hindsight we should've noticed the writing at least since Meat Loaf's first platinum album.

But now there's no point in trying to keep music alive. Because if it's not dead already, it's certainly in a persistent vegetative state, and we might as well just pull the plug and get it over. Really. Why even bother to learn to play an instrument? Why even bother writing new songs? Now all you have to do is just "sing" into a computer, and the computer will create the song for you. You don't even have to be able to carry a tune because I'm sure Microsoft has some download that will make even your godawful screeching sound like Christina Aguilera, Scott Stapp, Whitney Houston, Justin Timberlake, or whatever manufactured pop star you want to sound like. But even if that's too difficult for you, don't worry. I'm sure there's some program that will come out in the next year or so that will turn your bowel movement into a concept album. Move over, Dark Side of the Moon!

It's insanity like this that makes me think that people like Derrick Jensen have it truly figured out. It's time to head for the hills and live in a commune.

Rob

DW&F: Chris Matthews(!) and Water Wow

Hello everyone!

Gee, these Daily Win and FAIL submissions are more difficult than I thought they'd be. But I'm not giving up or anything. However, I'm really having a tough time finding "Win" photos, so I might have to do away with them. "FAIL" photos are everywhere, though, but that's good since they're so much fun. Let's get started!

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Er, Chris Matthews?!

Wow. It's nice to see some actual common sense on TV, particularly since there's been such a dearth of it on the news networks. Of course, we could've used this type of "hard-hitting," call-them-on-their-crap reporting in, say, the lead up to the Iraq invasion (and the Afghanistan invasion, as well). But hey, better late than never, I guess. Win!

FAIL: "Water Wow"

For those of you who don't know what this is and can't click on the link, the makers claim it's "A Mess-Free Art Kit for Kids." Here's how it works: Your kid starts with a white "drawing board" with a black outline of a picture, which looks much like a page in a coloring book. Then your kid puts water in one of the specially-designed pens. Finally, Junior "draws" on the boards with water, and color "magically" appears.

The website calls this "Mess-Free Creativity." How the hell is this "creativity"? How is this fun? The kid doesn't get to decide how to color the picture--all the brat gets to do is apply water to a board! Apparently the little derelict is going to develop valuable skills that can be used when he or she becomes a professional window-washer, so why not go the Full Monty and get the little hooligan a squeegee while you're at it?

This is what happens when toys are marketed to parents. Worse yet, this one is marketed to bad parents. On one hand you have the parents who are too worried about their little hell-raiser getting crayon all over the house (because what would the neighbors think?), yet are too lazy to teach their budding sociopath not go coloring the walls or the dog. Then there are the overbearing, perfectionist parents who simply can't handle it when their little hoodlum scribbles outside the lines or colors a person's face Orchid instead of Maize. With Water Wow they don't have to have painful yet colorful reminders of what a failure their delinquent is hanging on the fridge because everything is colored exactly the way the toy designers designed it to be.

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that my parents weren't like this, or else I would've turned out even more messed up than I am. Also, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that we don't have any hellions running around, or we might be tempted to buy the little mischief-makers a Water Wow.

Water Wow? More like Water FAIL!


And one more since there was no win photo:


Rob

ANSWER QUESTIONS AND RECEIVE FREE CRAP!!!

Hello everyone!

Have you ever gone to one of your favorite websites and seen those banner ads with some bogus quiz? They usually say something like, "WHO IS THIS CELEBRITY?" They'll have a high school yearbook photo of, say, Brad Pitt, and you can select from:

A) Pauly Shore
B) Ben Stein
C) Dave Chappelle
D) Brad Pitt
E) Cher

If you answer correctly, you can supposedly win an iPod or a Playstation 6 or whatever the latest trendy gadget is.

Or sometimes there will be a "survey" question such as, "Is President Bush doing a good job? Answer and win a FREE 96-INCH PLASMA SCREEN TV!!!!!" And then you have the option of clicking "YES" or "NO," but really whichever you click takes you to some unrelated website. Have you ever seen these? THEN CLICK YES OR NO TO RECEIVE A FREE $50,000 JACK IN THE BOX GIFT CARD!!! Or not.

I'm waiting for the one that gives me the option of clicking: "WHAT AN IDIOTIC QUESTION. JUST WHO IN THE HELL IS YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE?"

Then, and only then, will I click on your stupid ad.

Rob

Capitalism and Other Kids' Stuff

Hello everyone!

Instead of reading my 250 or so pages for my class from hell, I've spent this morning watching a series of videos a friend posted on myspace. I found the series interesting enough to repost here for the millions of three people who read this blog. Each part is slightly less than 10 minutes long (YouTube sets a limit of 9:59 for each), so the whole series clocks in at just under 50 minutes. Yes, that's a long time, but it's worth it. Besides what else do you have to do on a Saturday (or whatever day it is when you read this)? Spend 50 minutes searching for porn?

Part 1:


Part 2:


Part 3:


Part 4:


Part 5:


Rob