DW&F: Water Landings and Hearings for What?

Hello everyone!

You know, I've learned something. Posting something new every day is tough! Even using the rerun technicality still requires that I post something.

But just because it's tough and just because I've occasionally posted reruns does not mean that I don't enjoy doing this. Um, that last sentence included a lot of negatives, and I'm not sure if I got it right, but what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy doing this, and so I'll keep at it until I no longer do.

And if you were hoping that I'd stop sometime soon so that you can find a much better blog to follow, you're out of luck.

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Amazing landings

Well, this one was pretty much a no-brainer. In case you've been living under a rock, some airline pilot (who will most likely be on the Today Show and Letterman in the next couple of days) managed to land a passenger jet on the Hudson River today--and nobody died!

I heard this story, and all I could think about was a bit by the late, great George Carlin about the safety speech the flight attendants give before your flight takes off:

The safety lecture continues. "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . ." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!? ". . . your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Well, imagine that, my seat cushion... Just what I need -- to float around the North Atlantic for several days -- clinging to a pillow full of beer farts...

A plane that crashed and nobody died? A news story that reminded me of a Carlin bit? Win!

On a wing and a prayer?

On second thought, that was the lamest thing I've ever written on this blog or anywhere else. Let's move on before I have to FAIL myself.

FAIL: Congressional hearings over football?

This is unreal:

The incoming chairman of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform said Wednesday that he will hold hearings and possibly subpoena NCAA officials, college presidents, players, coaches and athletics directors in effort to force a playoff in the Football Bowl Subdivision.

Look, I know that lots of people love football. I know that it's an American tradition. I also know that there is often controversy at the end of the NCAA season over who is the number one college team (what football has to do with higher education I'll never understand, but whatever). So I am approaching this with the mindset that since I'm not much of a football (or sports in general) fan, maybe I just don't understand. Maybe I simply don't realize how crucial and important deciding the number one college football team is.

But I can't help but wonder if holding hearings over this is really the best way Congress should be spending its time. In fact, here are just a few things that to me seem a bit more important:

• The economy
• Two wars
• Torture
• Global warming
• Unemployment
• Corporate political influence
• Poverty
• Universal health care
• Renewable energy
• Marriage equality
• The manipulation/fabrication of "evidence" to start an illegal war
• Environmental degradation
• Education
• Nuclear proliferation
• Frankenfoods
• Israeli aggression
• The erosion of Civil Liberties
• Globalization
• Child/domestic abuse
• Exploitation of sweatshop labor
• Decriminalization of marijuana
• Taser deaths
• Reproductive rights
• Puppies and kittens that need loving families

These are ones that I (with a little help from Cathy) thought of off the top of my our heads, without doing any research. To us, they seem relatively important, even more so than the football playoffs. To Congress, it's, "Nah, let's talk about football playoffs instead."

I'm trying to come up with some sort of response to this, and I'm actually speechless (writeless?). There's only one thing that comes to mind: FAIL!!!


These football players never have to worry about falling victim to the stereotype of the "dumb jock" so long as Congress is around for comparison's sake.

Rob

DW&F: Chris Matthews(!) and Water Wow

Hello everyone!

Gee, these Daily Win and FAIL submissions are more difficult than I thought they'd be. But I'm not giving up or anything. However, I'm really having a tough time finding "Win" photos, so I might have to do away with them. "FAIL" photos are everywhere, though, but that's good since they're so much fun. Let's get started!

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Er, Chris Matthews?!

Wow. It's nice to see some actual common sense on TV, particularly since there's been such a dearth of it on the news networks. Of course, we could've used this type of "hard-hitting," call-them-on-their-crap reporting in, say, the lead up to the Iraq invasion (and the Afghanistan invasion, as well). But hey, better late than never, I guess. Win!

FAIL: "Water Wow"

For those of you who don't know what this is and can't click on the link, the makers claim it's "A Mess-Free Art Kit for Kids." Here's how it works: Your kid starts with a white "drawing board" with a black outline of a picture, which looks much like a page in a coloring book. Then your kid puts water in one of the specially-designed pens. Finally, Junior "draws" on the boards with water, and color "magically" appears.

The website calls this "Mess-Free Creativity." How the hell is this "creativity"? How is this fun? The kid doesn't get to decide how to color the picture--all the brat gets to do is apply water to a board! Apparently the little derelict is going to develop valuable skills that can be used when he or she becomes a professional window-washer, so why not go the Full Monty and get the little hooligan a squeegee while you're at it?

This is what happens when toys are marketed to parents. Worse yet, this one is marketed to bad parents. On one hand you have the parents who are too worried about their little hell-raiser getting crayon all over the house (because what would the neighbors think?), yet are too lazy to teach their budding sociopath not go coloring the walls or the dog. Then there are the overbearing, perfectionist parents who simply can't handle it when their little hoodlum scribbles outside the lines or colors a person's face Orchid instead of Maize. With Water Wow they don't have to have painful yet colorful reminders of what a failure their delinquent is hanging on the fridge because everything is colored exactly the way the toy designers designed it to be.

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that my parents weren't like this, or else I would've turned out even more messed up than I am. Also, thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster that we don't have any hellions running around, or we might be tempted to buy the little mischief-makers a Water Wow.

Water Wow? More like Water FAIL!


And one more since there was no win photo:


Rob

DW&F: Being Official and Bush Says the Dumbest Things

Hello everyone!

In the process of writing holiday cards, resumes, cover letters, and grocery lists, I've realized that I don't feel like doing much more writing today. So let's cut the crap and get down to brass tacks!

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Being official.

I finally got the official word from University of Nike Oregon that I have indeed met all my requirements and will get my degree. I knew this would happen, but it's still nice to finally have it be all official. Now the last thing for me to look forward to nervously obsess about is the wait for my diploma to arrive in the mail. Unfortunately, they supposedly aren't going to mail it until sometime in March. But when I get it, the first thing I'll do is frame it, so I can hang it in the bathroom, and stare at it while I sit on the toilet. Win!



FAIL: Bush: "I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy."

That's right. Sometimes doing what's right is not very popular. In fact, sometimes it's only popular with about 25% of the public. But apparently, if you're the president, there's no reason to do what the people want you to do. It's not like you're accountable to them or anything. Let's be real--the people are obviously all a bunch of idiots who can't see what a great president Bush is. That's basically what he's saying.

Here's a quote from the article that sums his presidency perfectly:

"What do you expect? We've got a major economic problem and I'm the president during the major economic problem. I mean, do people approve of the economy? No. I don't approve of the economy. ... I've been a wartime president. I've dealt with two economic recessions now. I've had, hell, a lot of serious challenges. What matters to me is I didn't compromise my soul to be a popular guy."

You're right, Bush. The craptastic economy and the two disastrous wars aren't important. What's important is that you stuck by your principles. Your terrible, idiotic, destructive principles that directlyled to the two wars and the tanking economy.

What an obnoxious, arrogant assclown. In order to get by, I have to keep reminding myself that we only have to deal with this crap for 33 more days. FAIL!



Rob

DW&F: New CDs and It's Cold!

Hello everyone!

Well, I hope y'all enjoyed yesterday's episode of Daily Win and FAIL, particularly since I have a new one planned for today. Let's get right to it!

Rob Dow's World presents:

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: New CDs!


Today I picked up two new (for me) CDs: "La Cucaracha" by Ween and the all-instrumental "The Mix-Up" by Beastie Boys. I just finished listening to the Ween album, and I have to say it's really strange, even by Ween standards. But like mildew or athlete's foot, I think it will grow on me. I'm listening to "The Mix-Up" as I type this, and so far it also sounds extremely promising. I've been burned out lately by the same old albums in my music collection, so it was time to get something new. Win!


FAIL: It's freakin' cold!


Right now, it's 15 degrees. That's way too cold for Eugene, Oregon. And it's supposed to last for the rest of the week, and then we're going to be heading to North Idaho to freeze some more! There's a reason I left in the first place! Actually, it wasn't necessarily to leave the cold, but once I was away from it, I realized that I didn't miss it at all. I've also become acclimated to cold but unfrozen winters since I've been here. Whatever happened to our usual monsoon season that we're supposed to be "enjoying" during December?

And yes, I'm aware that I complained about the snow yesterday, but cold is completely different. Besides, it's so cold that all I can think about is how cold it is. FAIL!


Well, that wraps up another episode of Daily Win and FAIL! Until next time!

Rob