An Update and An Unfortunate Choice of Words

Hello everyone!

I apologize for not posting anything in a while, but lately I've been giving writing a novel another shot. This one is entirely different than the last attempt, though I haven't given up entirely on my first plot idea. Anyway, my hope is that I someday "get paid for this," especially since hardly anybody is hiring right now. Or at the very least, I'll simply finish something I start. And if it ever gets published, then the four or five people who read this blog can waste even more time reading the book. Or not.

But fret not, my dear readers! I'll still be posting here on a semi-regular basis, so check back often! And I'm really great at starting projects but terrible at finishing them, so who knows where this will go. But I hope I can use my blog as a way to update my progress (while not giving anything away) in order to keep myself motivated. I also might ask y'all for suggestions whenever I get stuck.

In the meantime, here's something Greg sent me a few weeks ago not long after the Super Bowl:

Of course, Roethlisberger went to Pittsburgh with the next pick and the rest, as they say, is history. As a Bills fan looking back on the 13th and 22nd picks being spent on Lee Evans and J.P. Losman, respectively, I still can't stop biting the pillow that they didn't package whatever it took to move up three spots and grab Big Ben.

Hmm.

For the moment, let's ignore the usual football-related innuendos such as these:

• "He got good penetration on that one"
• Wide receiver
• Splitting the middle
• "He's looking for the hole!"
• Lining up the slot
• Tight end
• "He nailed his man from behind!"

Okay, maybe we won't "ignore" them. But this still begs the question: why is this guy "biting the pillow"? Does he know what "pillow biting" means?

Let's consult the Urban Dictionary, shall we?

1. pillow-biter

An exceptionally vigorous butt-pounding between men in the dorsal-ventral position, generally noteworthy for its combination of depth, force and velocity, such that the poundee is transported to an otherworldly, orally-fixated state of extreme "hurt-so-good" pleasure as to unconsciously bite down on a pillow, duvet, forearm, Jack Russel terrier, or anything else that happens to come with close proximity of his mouth.

Now, I know absolutely nothing about this Nick Bakay, but I do not think what he wrote means what he thinks it means. And while, in theory, there's nothing wrong with being a pillow-biter if that's what floats your boat, there is something noteworthy about a sports writer proclaiming to the whole world that he became one in response to the results of a football draft.

Maybe there's something more to all the innuendos and ass patting than meets the eye. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Rob

DW&F: Water Landings and Hearings for What?

Hello everyone!

You know, I've learned something. Posting something new every day is tough! Even using the rerun technicality still requires that I post something.

But just because it's tough and just because I've occasionally posted reruns does not mean that I don't enjoy doing this. Um, that last sentence included a lot of negatives, and I'm not sure if I got it right, but what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy doing this, and so I'll keep at it until I no longer do.

And if you were hoping that I'd stop sometime soon so that you can find a much better blog to follow, you're out of luck.

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Amazing landings

Well, this one was pretty much a no-brainer. In case you've been living under a rock, some airline pilot (who will most likely be on the Today Show and Letterman in the next couple of days) managed to land a passenger jet on the Hudson River today--and nobody died!

I heard this story, and all I could think about was a bit by the late, great George Carlin about the safety speech the flight attendants give before your flight takes off:

The safety lecture continues. "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . ." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!? ". . . your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Well, imagine that, my seat cushion... Just what I need -- to float around the North Atlantic for several days -- clinging to a pillow full of beer farts...

A plane that crashed and nobody died? A news story that reminded me of a Carlin bit? Win!

On a wing and a prayer?

On second thought, that was the lamest thing I've ever written on this blog or anywhere else. Let's move on before I have to FAIL myself.

FAIL: Congressional hearings over football?

This is unreal:

The incoming chairman of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform said Wednesday that he will hold hearings and possibly subpoena NCAA officials, college presidents, players, coaches and athletics directors in effort to force a playoff in the Football Bowl Subdivision.

Look, I know that lots of people love football. I know that it's an American tradition. I also know that there is often controversy at the end of the NCAA season over who is the number one college team (what football has to do with higher education I'll never understand, but whatever). So I am approaching this with the mindset that since I'm not much of a football (or sports in general) fan, maybe I just don't understand. Maybe I simply don't realize how crucial and important deciding the number one college football team is.

But I can't help but wonder if holding hearings over this is really the best way Congress should be spending its time. In fact, here are just a few things that to me seem a bit more important:

• The economy
• Two wars
• Torture
• Global warming
• Unemployment
• Corporate political influence
• Poverty
• Universal health care
• Renewable energy
• Marriage equality
• The manipulation/fabrication of "evidence" to start an illegal war
• Environmental degradation
• Education
• Nuclear proliferation
• Frankenfoods
• Israeli aggression
• The erosion of Civil Liberties
• Globalization
• Child/domestic abuse
• Exploitation of sweatshop labor
• Decriminalization of marijuana
• Taser deaths
• Reproductive rights
• Puppies and kittens that need loving families

These are ones that I (with a little help from Cathy) thought of off the top of my our heads, without doing any research. To us, they seem relatively important, even more so than the football playoffs. To Congress, it's, "Nah, let's talk about football playoffs instead."

I'm trying to come up with some sort of response to this, and I'm actually speechless (writeless?). There's only one thing that comes to mind: FAIL!!!


These football players never have to worry about falling victim to the stereotype of the "dumb jock" so long as Congress is around for comparison's sake.

Rob