Thursday, July 17, 2008

Odds and Ends

Hello everyone!

Well, I'm officially half way done with my summer classes. Today I took my final for my "History of Latin America" class, and I think it went well. This is the first time I've taken summer classes, and I actually like it. Instead of ten week long classes, I'm taking two classes in consecutive four week long blocks, one of which I just finished: the aforementioned Latin American one, and the other I'll start next week: "History of the Iraq War," which will be interesting because it's a history class about something that's ongoing. Or maybe it's a statement on the fact that the war has been going on for too long--that it started so long ago that it can now be classified as "historical."

In addition, I'm also taking two weekend seminar classes: Abolishing Nuclear Weapons, which happened last weekend, and The New Al Qaeda Threat, which will happen in a little over a week from now. Both the weekend seminars are taught by my insane Causes and Prevention of War professor from last fall. But each of these only require a 6-10 page paper, which is totally reasonable. I don't have to worry about any "pop-quizzes" that we had last fall. They were essentially midterms in which we had to write what amounted to an essay on the spot within 15 minutes.

Last week's seminar was interesting. After I first walked in and sat down, 6-8 football players sat down right next to me, all the while talking smack to each other. Now, I'm not certain they were football players, but they were very large men, they clearly knew each other well, and most of them were African-American.

I hate to say it, but the University of Oregon is so white that the odds are fairly high that any male black student is an athlete. Black women are pretty rare, or at least that's been my experience in my political science and history classes. However, this "whiteness" is pretty much the case throughout all of Eugene and Oregon in general, so much to the point that a guy in nearby Corvallis set up a booth at Farmer's Market with a sign that read, "Meet a Black Guy." If that's not bad enough, someone commented to the reporter that she and and friend "said they have black friends, and would be voting for Barack Obama for president." I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Anyway, once these guys sat down, it was clear by the way they were talking to each other that they weren't very interested in being there, and my student/nerd instinct told me that they were going to keep talking to each other throughout the lecture, and I wouldn't be able to hear a thing. So I had to move. There was just one problem, though: if 6-8 black guys sit down next to one white guy, and the white guy gets up and walks away, what are the black guys going to think?

Maybe I was totally over-analyzing the situation, but I did come up with a "solution." I noticed one guy off by himself with a laptop plugged in and remembered that I had mine with me. So I walked over and asked, loudly enough for the football players to hear, if there was a place to plug in a laptop (I knew there was). The guy predictably said there was, and so I immediately sat down and plugged in my laptop. Success!

I was right about the football players talking, though, but some of them also decided to catch up on some sleep during the lecture. I don't know--I guess they have someone lined up to write their papers for them. But there was one other thing that I didn't expect: right after the lecture started, some woman sat down next to the other laptop guy, and the two proceeded to talk to each other (flirt) right in front of me during the course of the whole lecture. I guess I'm just expecting too much if I expect to be able to hear what the professor is saying. What an unreasonable jerk I am!

***
The other day, I heard one of the funniest stories I've heard in a long time. Amy, the produce lady at Market of Choice, apparently has a sister who waits tables at some snooty French restaurant. One day, she had an irate customer actually say this to her: "I've been to Paris, and I've had Soup-du-Jour, and this soup tastes nothing like it!"

I think it was this lady:


***

Hey look, it's the fashion police. Literally!

And here's a handy-dandy chart to help keep troublemakers like you from breaking the law!

Yes, you now can get arrested and sent to jail for not wearing your pants "properly." Apparently a wave of ill-fitting pants is terrorizing Flint, Michigan. I wonder what Michael Moore has to say about this?

Not only that, but if a cop doesn't like the way you're wearing your pants, that's reason enough to search you. Of course, that's the real purpose of all this. Remember that Fourth Amendment? You know, the one that protected us "against unreasonable searches and seizures"? Those were good times, but now they're gone. Of course, our old buddy Barack Obama didn't do us any favors on that one.

***

Since the right-wing knuckledraggers have nothing left but to blame Democrats for everything, some guy went above and beyond and bought himself a billboard:


Of course, he can't even claim to be original since God was apparently so angry he sent Democrats here to force your daughter to have gay sex and then have an abortion:


Anyway, the guy with the towers on fire billboard thinks he's some sort of a musician. If you go to his website, you can buy one of his CDs, featuring the cleverly-named song, "The Republican Song." Here are the lyrics taken directly from his website, complete with all the original typos and grammatical errors:
The Democrat secular progressive move,
political correctness is killing us too.
They want to take the money from the hard workin man,
and give it to the lazy folks that don't give a damn.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals, shame on you,
don't punish us all just to please a few,
Your holdin people back while we're pickin up the slack,
and that's why we can't vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no...
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, nooo...
Yeah, your holding people back, while we're pickin up the tax,
Oh no, no please don't vote for a Democrat.

Now we're trying to win a war and wipe out the terrorists,
We're not fightin for oil we got plenty if we drill it.
But the liberals and the media are spreading their lies,
Get the hell out of our way and let our soldiers fight.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals shame on you,
don't punish us all just to please a few.
No we can't afford to have another attack,
and that's why we can't vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no ,no...
Oh no, a no, no, no, no, no, no..
No we can't afford to have another attack,
Oh no, please don't vote for a Democrat.

Republicans, we're not perfect but we know the truth
We uphold the Constitution and the Golden Rule.
We believe a mans freedom is a God given right,
the USA is the beacon to the whole world in sight.

Chorus

Democrats and Liberals shame on you,
don't punish us all just to please a few.
our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
and that's why we can't vote for a Democrat.
Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no...
oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no...
Our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
Oh no, please, oh no please, don't vote for a Democrat.

Our Constitution, Nation and God are under attack,
Oh no, please, oh no please, don't vote for a Democrat.
"Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, no, no" is right. I feel bad calling these lyrics because it's an insult to any lyric that's ever been written, even including ones written by Steve Perry. Seriously, that crap I took this morning could write a better song than this. The verdict:






Here's a much better song. Enjoy!



Rob

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Monday, October 08, 2007

Rob Comments on the Entertainment News!

Hello everyone!

I realize I haven't been posting very often, nor have my postings been of very good quality lately (A jumping bus--WTF? It barely got 3 inches off the ground!), but such is the life of a student. In fact, I should be working on a paper right now, although it's not due until Thursday. Don't expect much for the next 8 weeks or so, though, unless I decide to procrastinate some more. But for today, I couldn't not comment on this article.

Now normally, whenever I comment on a news article, I like to post it in its own blog, appropriately called "Rob Comments on the News". However, due to the content of this article, I felt it belonged here instead. So let's get right to it!
Sting tops list of worst lyricists
Reuters
Monday, October 8, 2007; 6:20 PM
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Maybe Sting should start writing more instrumentals.
Maybe he should just go away. He doesn't have to leave the planet--he just needs to go somewhere far away from people. He can take Phil Collins and Bryan Adams with him. They can sing that stupid Three Musketeers song somewhere appropriate--like the Ross Ice Shelf. Then the penguins would use their razor-sharp beaks to rip out their vocal cords, and the world will truly focus on stopping Global Warming if only out of sheer gratitude.
The school teacher-turned-rock star topped Blender's list of the worst lyricists, thanks to lines that betray "mountainous pomposity (and) cloying spirituality," the music magazine said.
I remember hearing a clip from an interview with Sting where he said that he and Andy Summers were on vacation in the Caribbean, but Sting couldn't enjoy himself because his girlfriend or wife or whoever left him. He said to Andy, "Look up at the sun. There a little black spot on it. It's my soul up there." Even his stories about how he came up with his pompous lyrics are pompous! There's no way in hell that happened!

Blender should also mention the repetitiveness of his lyrics. Take these "clever" lyrics from the last six minutes of the song, "Message in a Bottle":
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
Sending out at an S.O.S.
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Sending out at an S.O.S.
Catchy, isn't it?

And don't get me started on the name "Sting". It's almost as bad as U2's "The Edge"!
The survey, contained in the November issue that hits newsstands next week, placed Rush drummer Neil Peart at No. 2, Creed frontman Scott Stapp at No. 3, Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher at No. 4, and soft-rocker Dan Fogelberg at No. 5.
O.k., let's look at the runners up. Rush, eh? I kinda like them musically, but I've never paid much attention to their lyrics. Let's take a looksee:
And the men who hold high places
Must be the ones to start
To mould a new reality
Closer to the heart

The blacksmith and the artist
Reflect it in their art
Forge their creativity
Closer to the heart

Philosophers and ploughmen
Each must know his part
To sow a new mentality
Closer to the heart

You can be the captain
I will draw the chart
Sailing into destiny
Closer to the heart
Now I know why I've never paid much attention to their lyrics. What a bunch of hosers!

How about Creed:
When you are with me, I'm free
I'm careless, I believe
Above all the others we'll fly
This brings tears to my eyes
My sacrifice
Oh man that was bowling shoe ugly. If you want to make a sacrifice, Scott Stapp, try throwing yourself in front of a bus.

Let's try Oasis:
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
Where were you when we were getting high?

Where was I? Stabbing my ear canals with an ice pick so I don't ever have to hear another Oasis song!

Next on the list is Dan Fogelberg:
Now you kids with your loud music and your Dan Fogelberg, your Zima, hula hoops and Pac-Man video games, don't you see? People today have attention spans that can only be measured in nanoseconds.
Awful. Let's get back to the article before I throw up all over my Toshiba Satellite A215-S4757:
Blender assailed Sting for such alleged sins as name-dropping Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov in the Police tune "Don't Stand So Close to Me," quoting a Volvo bumper sticker ("If You Love Someone Set Them Free"), and co-opting the works of Chaucer, St. Augustine and Shakespeare.
And being a giant douche.
A spokeswoman for the English rocker, who is currently in Belgium on the Police's reunion world tour, did not respond to a request for comment.
That means he must be busy writing more. I swear, his true calling is writing for the Coldwater Creek catalogs.
Blender described Canadian rocker Peart's lyrics as "richly awful tapestries of fantasy and science," and said Gallagher "seemed incapable of following a metaphor through a single line, let alone a whole verse."
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Truer words have never been spoken.
Further down the ranks, Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant (No. 23) was derided for his Tolkienesque musings on Gollum and Mordor in "Ramble On."
Aa a Zeppelin fan since I was 14, I have to admit this wasn't exactly their finest moment. It's what happens when musicians take too much LSD.

It's still better than "Hot Dog", though:
I took her love at seventeen
A little late these days it seems
But they said heaven is well worth waiting for
I took her word I took it all
Beneath the sign that said "U-haul"
She left angels hangin round for more
This is what happens when musicians take too much cocaine.
Carly Simon (No. 31) was mocked for rhyming "yacht," "apricot" and "gavotte" in "You're So Vain."
What, no mention of a "dog named Spot"?
Paul McCartney made No. 38, thanks in part to "Ebony and Ivory," his socially conscious duet with Stevie Wonder.
That stupid Christmas song he did should have singlehandedly propelled him into the top ten in my book.
Reuters/Nielsen
So the lesson here is simple. Leave the lyric writing to the experts, like Leonard Cohen:
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows that the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost

Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died

Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long stem rose
Everybody knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two

Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows

And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah when you've done a line or two

Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows

And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past

Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows

And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu

Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows

Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Rob

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