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Thursday, October 16, 2008
The Final Debate (In Pictures)
Hello everyone!
In case you missed it, here are some photos from last night's debate:
What the hell is the matter with John McCain? Why does he keep sticking his tongue out? I don't get it. He looks like an iguana trying to catch a fly. A really old, wrinkly, grumpy iguana with a white comb-over, my friends. Did I mention that John McCain is really, really old?
Also, here's a shot from last Sunday of Obama and Joe the Plumber:
I hope I never have to hear about Joe or see his shiny, dented head ever again. And please, Obama, stop grovelling for his vote. You're going to win Ohio anyway, unless the Republicans manage to disenfranchise a bunch of voters like they're trying to do.
Just When You Thought Things Couldn't Get Even More Lowerer...
Hello everyone!
Here's an update to my post from yesterday about racism, xenophobia, and ignorance (three characteristics that go together like Snap, Crackle, and Pop). This is from Al Jazeera English, which is rapidly proving itself to be one of the best TV news agencies in the country, strangely enough, in terms of investigative journalism. Anyway, here's the clip:
I've tried to come up with a witty comment about this, but all I can bring myself to do is throw up a little bit in my mouth.
Just When You Thought Things Couldn't Get Any Lower...
Hello everyone!
It's gotten nasty. I'm talking downright, pathetically, disgustingly nasty. The bigots and racists are out in full force, and they're louder and more desperate than ever. Take a look:
Well, now it appears that McCain/Palin are so desperate that they're going for the hate vote, or at least not doing much to reject it. The one time McCain tried, his own crowd booed him.
This kind of crap inevitably ends in violence. We certainly have a history of it, particularly against people who were in favor of minority rights or at least perceived to be (JFK, RFK, MLK, etc.) It's not difficult to imagine some nutcase being convinced that Obama is going to take away his gun and then turn this country into a jihadist, Muslim paradise where people of color enslave white people. It's also not difficult to imagine this same guy being convinced that he needs to do something about it. Maybe Mr. North Vietnamese Prison and Ms. Hunting Wolves from Helicopters think that's the only way they can win, which is why they keep saying Obama "pals around with terrorists."
Well, it's official. Our system of electoral politics is officially a joke.
It's not like we haven't seen the signs before. But still, in this age of reality TV and celebrity paparazzi, John McCain had to do something to reclaim the spotlight after Barack Obama's acceptance speech Thursday night. And what better way to do so than to pick a running mate that nobody outside of Alaska has ever heard of? It's that old rule in showbiz: any publicity is good publicity.
I can just imagine what was going through John McCain's head: "I've got to win over some of the Hillary supporters if I stand a chance of winning. I know--I'll choose a chick as a running mate! Hey, who's that hot chick from Alaska, you know, the one who has the whole sexy librarian thing going on? Sarah What's-her-name?"
Unfortunately for McCain, he picked a "chick" who not only is anti-abortion, but is anti-abortion even cases of rape and incest. So if a woman goes for a jog in the park, gets attacked and raped, and winds up knocked up, guess what? Not only does she have to deal with the emotional trauma of the attack, but she also gets to be a mom for the next 18 years, whether she likes it or not. But hey, she was probably asking for it, right?
Also, if some 15-year-old girl gets molested by her sick and creepy father, well, Girl, You'll Be a Woman Soon. And if she's lucky, her inbred kid won't have webbed toes. Have a nice life!
Oh, and if a pregnancy turns out to threaten a woman's life, well, let's hope she's written her Final Will and Testament.
(In all fairness, Palin claims to support an exception when a woman's life is threatened, but she also is a member of Feminists for Life, a group that opposes abortion even to when the mother's life is at risk)
See this is the problem I have with absolutist thinking. People who say, "Abortion is murder, period," either do not or cannot understand that the world is not black and white, but is mostly shades of gray. Instead of trying to reduce abortions by advocating for a social safety net so that young girls who cannot raise a child on their own actually can choose to go ahead with having the baby, they'd rather just outlaw all of it while ignoring this country's history of back-alley coat hanger abortion. Of course, there's also the inherent hypocrisy of people who claim to have all sorts of concern and regard for the welfare of fetuses (all life is sacred) but none for the women in whose uteri the fetuses (feti?) develop (except for the lives of pregnant women). And don't even get me started on those who are against abortion but pro-death penalty.
Anyway, I'm sure that the Hillary supporters will just flock to McCain now. After all, the only thing that's important is that one of the people on the ticket has two X chromosomes, right?
Let's see, what some of Sarah Palin's other positions are, shall we?
She supports creationism in schools, calling it a "healthy debate." Sorry, but unprovable speculation being presented alongside scientific fact is not a "healthy debate." If I believed the Earth's core is made out of marshmallow creme, should Geology classes include my "alternative theory" alongside the "conventional theory" that the Earth's core is made primarily of molten iron and nickel? I mean, no one's actually ever been to the center of the Earth, so my theory should be just as valid, right? Or are fundamentalists the only ones allowed to have their unsubstantiated and unscientific beliefs be taught in science classes?
She's running on a campaign of ending corruption, but she's also currently being investigated by her state's Republican majority legislature for allegedly firing a police commissioner who himself refused to fire a state trooper at the request of Palin's office. "Coincidentally," said state trooper was going through a nasty divorce with Palin's sister. Oh, and the replacement commissioner that she picked? It turns out that he had been investigated and suspended for sexually harassing one of his female workers. Oops. But hey, maybe this was all just one big misunderstanding, like a Three's Company episode or something.
She's also campaigning on ending earmarks, saying that she killed the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere" project. But when she originally ran for Governor, she supported it before flip-flopping once she realized that the funding wasn't there and that it was pretty unpopular.
Her solution to the energy crisis is to drill, drill, drill, even though it's common knowledge that drilling won't lower gas prices for at least 10 years, if not more. She fought against adding polar bears to the endangered species list, even though they are clearly endangered and hers is the only state that has polar bears in the wild.
On Iraq, just after she became Governor, she claimed that she hadn't "really focused much on the war in Iraq [and that she] heard on the news about the new deployments."
But aside from the fact that she's either on the wrong side or completely ignorant of nearly every issue, there's the whole "What was John McCain smoking when he chose her?"
One of the strongest arguments McCain had (in terms of effectiveness at convincing undecideds) was that Obama was inexperienced. So he goes and picks Palin? Well, what about her experience?
She became governor by beating the incumbent, Frank Murkowski, who was in the US Senate when he was elected Governor, so he appointed his own daughter to fill his Senate seat. By the time he was up for reelection, he was so unpopular and plagued with scandal that a garden gnome could have beaten him.
Before that, Palin was mayor and city council member for six and four years, respectively, of Wasilla, Alaska. Have you ever heard of it? I have. In fact, I've been there--my sister-in-law lives there--and it's a nice town. Coincidentally, I'll be there next week. Even more coincidentally, Palin was also born in Sandpoint, ID, a town in which I lived for almost eight years and where most of my family lives. But I don't see how any of this qualifies someone to be Vice President.
The above sums up her entire political experience. Unless you count her time on the local PTA, her stint as Miss Wasilla and runner-up status in the Miss Alaska beauty queen pageant, being captain of the girl's basketball team in high school, or being a local sports reporter.
So how do the McCain/Palin supporters justify the fact that she's the least qualified Vice Presidential candidate at least in recent history, if not ever? How do the McCainiacs defend this pick, especially since they've been criticizing Obama of being inexperienced? Easy. They claim she actually has more experience than Obama. They claim that she's battle-tested and Obama is a big unknown.
Now, you may be wondering how so many people can completely ignore something the rest of us call "reality." But really, has this ever stopped right-wingers before?
See, they refer to her "executive experience." See, her "executive position" as Governor of Alaska, the state with the second-lowest population in the nation, a state with less people than the city of Charlotte, NC, for less than two years qualifies her to be Vice President, while Obama's almost four years of experience in the Senate doesn't. In fact, she has more "executive experience" than Obama and Biden combined, both of whom have only served in legislative branches, and therefore are unfit to be president. I mean, history has shown that presidents with only legislative experience, such as Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy, and presidents with no prior executive experience at all, such as George Washington, Ulysses S. Grant, and Dwight D. Eisenhower have turned out to be horrible presidents, while our most celebrated ones were ones who actually did have prior executive experience, greats such as William Henry Harrison, Millard Fillmore, Rutherford B. Hayes, and Andrew Johnson.
What else? Well, apparently being mayor and city council member of a town of about 8,500 people (closer to 5,000 while she was there) is more appropriate experience than being in the Illinois State Senate for seven years in the wacky world of "Rightyland". Hey, I was vice president of my eighth grade class. I'm qualified to be Vice President of the US, but only as a Republican, apparently.
Also, being a self-styled "hockey mom" is ostensibly a better qualification than being a professor of constitutional law. See, she's a "regular person," the kind you'd want to have a beer with, but she's definitely not an "elitist."
Furthermore, conventional wisdom would point to her as being completely inexperienced with foreign policy. But conventional wisdom doesn't apply to McCain supporters. As Fox News helpfully points out, she has foreign policy experience because "Alaska is near Russia." I kid you not.
Now, a cynic might say I'm unfairly attacking Sarah Palin. But I think it's important to know who we're getting to fill the second most powerful position in the world, particularly when John McCain is 72-years-old and has had melanoma cancer four times. And by the way, pointing out that someone is at a higher risk of dying in the next four years is not the same as wishing it to happen. What is messed up, however, is that I have to point this out, lest someone accuses me of wanting John McCain to die. But that's where the political discourse is at these days.
I have no problem voting for a person who doesn't have a lot of political experience. Hell, the mess we're in right now was created by people who had a lot of experience. But I have a huge problem with hypocrisy. I'm also insulted that John McCain thinks that he can win over Hillary's supporters by nominating a woman. I'd be even more insulted if the voters were stupid enough to buy it. They might.
Anyway, I'm sure all of Palin's downfalls will be spun as assets by the pundits and talking heads. And when she comes across as out of her league when she debates Biden, the meme will be that Biden is a big meanie jerk who picks on poor, defenseless women. Whatever it takes to keep up the appearance of a close race, I guess.
In the meantime, I'm off to Alaska for a much-needed vacation. I wonder if this qualifies me for a cabinet position?
A statement from Detroit Pistons general manager Joe Dumars:
I wanted to say a few words about the Michigan Solution. No, not thattravesty of justice. I'm talking about a fair, common-sense resolution of the Eastern Conference Finals.
Some in the media are declaring the series over because the Boston Celtics have won four of the six games played so far. But I don’t understand why, with a series this close and hotly contested, anyone would want to shut it down before we play a seventh game and have all the results in. As anybody who follows the NBA knows, a seven-game series would be good for the league, and the added competition would make the eventual victor, whomever it might be, a stronger opponent against the Los Angeles Lakers in the Finals.
It’s no great surprise that some are trying to push us out of this series. From the beginning, it’s been clear that the media and league elites have been looking for an exciting new face, instead of a team, like ours, that has proven its mettle by making it to the Conference Finals six years in a row. We saw it in the Western Conference as well, where officials and news outlets made clear they were sick to death of the reigning champion San Antonio Spurs and behaved like cheerleaders for the media-darling Lakers. Heck, they almost managed to persuade fans that a hokey, small-town act like the New Orleans Hornets was a legitimate contender. It is safe to say that this has been the most rigged coverage in modern sports history.
But back to the series in question. Yes, Boston has won four games and Detroit only two. But it's hard to imagine a more arbitrary and undemocratic way to determine this series’s outcome than "games won." It is, after all, a bedrock value of the game of basketball that all points must be counted. But how can that be the case when every point beyond the winning point is ignored? There are literally dozens of layups, jumpers, free throws, and (yes, even) dunks that our opponents want to say don't count for anything at all. We call on the NBA to do the right thing and fully count all of the baskets that were made throughout the course of this series.
Once you abandon the artificial four-games-to-two framework that the media has tried to impose on the series, a very different picture emerges, with the Celtics leading by a mere 549 points to 539. Yes that’s right, the margin between the two teams is less than one percent—a tie, for all intents and purposes. This is probably the closest Conference Finals in NBA history, though I will thank you not to check on that.
How do we determine a winner in a series so historically close? First off, let's look at these so-called "free" throws, which are anything but. Who decides when these are to be awarded? Hard-working working-people like you and me? No, it's the officials, the league bosses, the elites. So no counting the free throws--unless and until (and I sincerely hope you guys are listening) the refs start breaking our way again. (By the way, you guys do know that Celts star Paul Pierce was involved in a stabbing a few years back, right? I only mention it because Phil Jackson is obviously going to bring it up in the Finals.)
If you take out free throws, Boston's ten-point margin in the series is whittled down to a single-digit, all-but-meaningless nine points. But this is still misleading. Let's be honest: We all know that some baskets count for more than others. (Yes, I know I was arguing for equal representation two seconds ago. What are you, Encyclopedia Brown? Chill out and try to stay current.) Take layups, for example: If you wander naively into the Finals thinking you’re going to win with layups, well don’t come crying to me when Kobe Bryant swats that lameass shit right back in your face. I know. I've been there.
So let's get right down to it: Big shots matter. It makes no difference when they happen, or who's leading at the time, or whether you're likely to make them against the Lakers, or any of that complicated nonsense. And we all know that the only real big shot is a three-pointer. So sure, Boston won more games than us, and scored more points, and made more baskets, and hit more free throws, and never tried to rewrite the rules after the fact. But we dominated them in three-point shooting, hitting 29 long ones to their 26 over the course of the series. Take this into account and it becomes apparent that we are by far the strongest competitor the Eastern Conference can field against the Lakers.
We again ask the league to consider all these facts and come to a fair solution. I’ll be holding a press conference at the Palace tonight, to which I’m inviting all Pistons season-ticket holders. I may announce our intention to drop out of the Eastern Conference Finals. Or I may not. But know one thing: If the media and league elites put the Celtics up against LA, they will lose, and we’ll be the first to say I told you so.
See you next season,
Joe Dumars (as told to Christopher Orr)
Oh well, I guess it's all a moot point anyway. I'm just glad we're finally done with this crap. Onward to stage 2: kicking some Maverick ass!
These days, it's really easy to compile a list of reasons to vote for someone. It's also easy to compile a list of reasons to not vote for someone. But I've discovered it's a bit challenging to compile a list of stupid reasons to not vote for someone! Yet that's what I did. So without any further ado, here is my list of 10 stupid reasons to not vote for Barack Obama:
Reason #1: He's a Muslim!
No he's not. But the bigger question is "So what if he was?" The assumption here is that Muslim=evil or Islam=terrorist.
I won't even get into whether or not Islam is evil because it's a stupid argument. If you think the whole religion is any more evil than any other religion, or that its followers are inherently evil, then you're blinded by your beliefs and are incapable of rational thought, and you might as well stop reading this. I'm sorry, but this whole "My God is better than yours argument" is idiotic, and it only leads to lots of dead people. You can believe all you want, but you don't know, and so it's stupid to argue about it. Even stupider is to make blanket statements about all the followers of a particular religion, especially when your religion has no shortage of skeletons in its closet. This is why I'm fanatically agnostic.
As far as equating Islam to terrorism, that's a fair comparison, but only if you ignore all the non-Muslim terrorists in recent history, such as the IRA, abortion clinic bombers, Timothy McVeigh, so-called eco-terrorists, Ted Kaczynski, the CIA, the Chinese government, the Soviets, etc.
But then there's the whole illogic of equating the actions of a few to an entire religion.
I know some people would say that there are more than a few. Well, think about this for a moment. There are about 1.5 billion Muslims worldwide, give or take a few hundred million. That's 1,500,000,000 people. Compare that with the population of Phoenix, AZ, which is about 1.5 million, or 1,500,000 people. If there were 1.5 million Muslim terrorists worldwide (there is no way to come up with a number, but still, this is an insanely huge number, and I really doubt it's anywhere near this high under most definitions), that would still only be 1 of every 1,000 Muslims, or less than 0.1%. Put it this way: it's about 1,000 miles from Chicago to Denver. Only one mile would be the "terrorist mile". So it's hardly fair to assume every follower of Islam is a terrorist, unless you're an ignorant, reactionary idiot.
Now, that's not to say that 1.5 million terrorists couldn't cause a whole lot of damage (and they aren't, which is why I think this number is way too high). But if you had to fight them, wouldn't you rather have the other 1,498,500,000 on your side?
Moreover, the definition of terrorist is so vague that anyone can be called a terrorist. I'm sure I could be called one simply for writing this blog. But don't worry, you're reading it, so that makes you a terrorist, too.
Regardless, none of this has anything to do with Barack Obama, so let's move on.
Reason #2: He was raised in a Muslim terrorist madrassa!
Wrong again. I've already talked about the Muslim-terrorist claim. As for the bogus madrassa claim, my guess is that a vast majority of people who keep repeating this have no idea what a madrassa is. I didn't until I first heard this.
I suppose "madrassa" is a scary foreign-sounding word to some. But really, madrassa (madrasah) is simply the Arabic word for school. But I could see how people who are afraid of foreign-sounding words that they don't understand would also be afraid of school, or at least education.
But I guess if you're a complete moron, you can buy the line of reasoning that forty years ago, some grade school teachers somewhere in Indonesia concocted this great plan to select one of their students to be a sort of Manchurian Candidate who would one day become President of the United States so that he could singlehandedly destroy the whole country and convert us, as well as the whole Western World, into a bunch of freedom-hating Muslims. You'd also have to believe that they then thought, "You know, this plan is too easy. Instead of having a white guy with a name like John Smith, let's choose a black man named Barack Hussein Obama! They'll never suspect him!"
Of course, this also supposes that our country is so fragile that one guy can tear it all apart without any trouble. I guess if you have a low enough opinion of this country, you might think that. But that would mean you hate America.
Now I know some people might ask, "Hey, isn't one guy singlehandedly destroying this country right now?" No, he isn't. He hashadlotsof help.
Anyway, let's move on to reason #3.
Reason #3a: But he's Muslim! Look at his middle name: Hussein! What does that tell you?
...and...
Reason #3b: But he's Muslim! Look at his last name: Obama! You know, it sounds like Osama! What does that tell you?
Nothing. Neither tells me anything. And it shouldn't tell anyone else anything, either. Shall we play, "What's in a name?"
Joseph Lieberman and Joseph Biden would be horrible choices for president because their name is Joseph, and we all know Joseph Stalin was one of the most brutal dictators in history. Therefore, Lieberman and Biden would become dictators if elected president.
John McCain, John F. Kennedy, John Adams, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler, John Edwards, John Kerry, John Negroponte, Andrew Johnson, Lyndon B. Johnson, John Lennon, Johnny Carson, Johnny Cash, Johnny Rotten, Johnny Walker, John Deere, Elton John, Johnson & Johnson, Trapper John, MD, Johns Hopkins, and Olivia Newton-John are all unqualified to be president because they all have "John" as part of their name. Who can forget another "John", John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Abraham Lincoln. You wouldn't want to vote for someone with connections to a notorious assassin, would you?
Hillary Clinton is out of the question, too. Look at her initials: H.C. You know who else had H.C. in his initials? H.C.M., aka Ho Chi Minh, that's who. And Rodham? That's like Rodman, as in Dennis Rodman, the cross-dressing basketball player. And if that weren't enough, "Hillary" starts with an "H", and so does "Hitler". That would make her a cross-dressing, VietCong, Nazi secret agent! Well, your secret is out, Hitlery Nguyen Rodman Clinton!
Reason #4: Obama associates with people who hate America! That means he hates America!
Oh, brother. I have friends who used to do a lot of meth. Does that mean I used to do a lot of meth? I have friends who are gay. Does that mean I'm gay? I have friends who have been in jail. Does that make me a criminal? I associate with many women. Does that make me a woman?
Note: I'm not equating being gay and/or being a woman to doing a lot of meth and/or being a criminal. They're just all things I can't say about myself.
Then there's the whole exaggeration or complete misrepresentation of what was said in the first place. Here's a good comparison of the sound bites and the context of what Jeremiah Wright said. I mean really, he never said anything that was untrue. But I guess a loud, angry black man is too scary to some people. We can also get into whether or not the guy truly hates America, but then we'd have to look at his military service history in Vietnam and how he attended to Lyndon B. Johnson after the president had surgery, and that wouldn't make for a good sound clip.
At the same time as all of this, John McCain was endorsed by John Hagee, a guy who essentially said that New Orleans got what it deserved in Hurricane Katrina because of gays. I guess "God damn New Orleans" is OK, but "God damn America" is not. Either way, hardly anyone is saying McCain is unfit to be president because he sought out Hagee's endorsement, though that could be because there are plenty of other reasons McCain is unfit to be president.
Or there's Pat Robertson, a guy who agreed with another nutcase, Jerry Falwell, when two days after 9/11 he said, "I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way, all of them who try to secularize America...I point the thing in their face and say you helped this happen." Robertson also called for Hugo Chavez's assassination. He endorsed Rudy Giuliani, but nobody blamed Giuliani for it.
These televangelist types are doing a great job at arguing for a separation of church and state, though I doubt that's what they have in mind.
Reason #5: But Rev. Wright is his "spiritual adviser"!
In order to believe this means anything, one must first have to be so ignorant to not know what the word "adviser" means. The word adviser means, "One who advises, or one who gives advice." It does not mean, "One who brainwashes." I can understand why there would be a mix up since it does involve religion, an institution whose leaders have been known from time to time to try to brainwash its followers.
Nevertheless, the idea that Obama naturally agrees with everything Jeremiah Wright says is bunk, especially given that Obama has clearly on a number of occasions come out and said he disagreed with many of the things Wright said.
None of this matters anymore, anyhow, since Obama left his church this weekend.
Reason #6: Obama doesn't put his hand on his heart during the National Anthem and refuses to say the Pledge of Allegiance!
Sigh.
This is based on one photo that appeared in Time magazine. Here's video of the "offending" incident:
So instead of putting his hand on his heart, he sings along. What an America-hater! Too bad he didn't sing louder in order to drown out that awful-sounding woman with a microphone.
Was he "supposed to" put his hand over his heart? According to USflag.org (yes, there is such a site):
During rendition of the national anthem when the flag is displayed, all present except those in uniform should stand at attention facing the flag with the right hand over the heart. Men not in uniform should remove their headdress with their right hand and hold it at the left shoulder, the hand being over the heart.
Well, there you go. Since they didn't remove their "headdress", I say they're all guilty of hating America. Except Hillary and that other woman as the rule apparently only applies to men.
Oh, and here's some video that I copied and pasted from snopes.com of Obama leading the Pledge of Allegiance in the Senate. Notice the hand over heart:
Ah, but who cares about the truth when there are plenty of half-truths to go around?
Reason #7: Obama clearly hates America. This is why he refuses to wear a flag pin!
Good! The flag pin was most likely made in China!
Frankly, I think we've had way too much of this bogus, superficial patriotism and not enough real concern and care for this country. Anyone can wear a pin or put a magnetic ribbon on an SUV (one of the most unintentionally ironic statements a person can make), but instead of hollow gestures, maybe we should try doing something that actually helps the country, such as providing health care, working to pay off our national debt, or simply not fighting unnecessary wars.
Reason #8: Michelle Obama clearly hates America. She said she was proud of America "for the first time." I've always been proud of America!
Really? You've always been proud of America? Were you proud when we were committing genocide against native people? Were you proud when slavery was legal and blacks were considered 3/5 of a person for congressional representational purposes? Were you proud when we had segregation? How about when we passed the Chinese Exclusion Act? Or when we interned Japanese-Americans during World War II? What about when we dropped two nuclear bombs (the only country to ever do so) on Japan, or when we firebombed and leveled German cities? Were you proud of that? Or does that not count because it was a long time ago?
How about more recently? Are you proud that we started detaining prisoners Soviet-style: overseas, indefinitely, and without charging them with a crime? Are you proud when thousands of people were dying in New Orleans during Katrina while the president laughed and strummed a guitar? How about when the previous president was impeached because he lied about having receiving sex? Or how about when the two presidents before him authorized arming Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden?
Mentioning any of this does not mean a person hates the America. Nor does it mean that a person is not proud. But if we ever want this country to get better, we first have to come to terms with the fact that we're not perfect. If this country were a person, it would be a John Wayne-type character, strutting around completely oblivious to its faults, which everyone else can clearly see.
No, it's not hate if you believe the country can do better and expect it to do so.
Reason #9: He has no foreign policy experience!
Well, how well do people with foreign policy experience stack up?
Dick Cheney: Assistant to the President and then White House Chief of Staff under Ford, five terms as US Representative At-Large from Wyoming, House Minority Whip, Secretary of Defense under Bush I, Chairman of the Board and CEO of Halliburton, Vice President under Bush II, shot a guy in the face.
Donald Rumsfeld: Four terms as US Representative from Illinois's 13th district, Director of the United States Office of Economic Opportunity under Nixon, White House Chief of Staff and then US Secretary of Defense under Ford, Special Envoy to the Middle East under Reagan, Secretary of Defense again under Bush II, Architect of the Iraq Quagmire, used a machine to sign letters of condolences to families of soldiers killed in said quagmire, resigned in disgrace in 2006.
Hillary Clinton: Former First Lady, twice elected as US Senator from New York, imagined gunfire during visit to Bosnia. Oh wait, maybe she didn't imagine it:
Anyway, with these kinds of results from experienced people, I'll think I'll take my chances with the new guy.
Reason #10: We don't know anything about him!
Two words: Goo-gle!
Well, I hope you find this list of reasons not to vote for Obama useful in your voting decisions. Vote early and often!
Today's blog is going to be another copy-and-paste job. This time I'm going to blatantly steal from the Daily Kos. I do this because I believe my readers deserve to read good blog postings every once in a while. Here goes:
Barack Obama Shows Disrespect For Rural Americans by Hunter Sat Apr 12, 2008 at 12:22:00 PM PDT
NEWSCASTER BOB: Good evening, and welcome to the news. A disturbing revelation tonight, as reports indicate the abusive treatment of prisoners in United States custody was specifically endorsed at the highest levels of government. Vice President Richard Cheney, then Secretary of State Colin Powell, National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Attorney General John Ashcroft and CIA Director George Tenet specifically signed off on torture techniques like "waterboarding" that could be used on prisoners, including specific numbers of times some techniques could be used.
This contradicts frequent statements by the administration that these torture techniques were not used, and may have legal ramifications as --
PUNDIT 1: Bob, I'm going to have to break in here. We have breaking news that Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama today turned down a cup of coffee, asking for orange juice instead. Could this be the gaffe that brings down the Obama campaign? Let's talk to our panel of interchangeable political experts.
PUNDIT 2: This is remarkable, Interchangeable Pundit 1. Can a man be president if he turns down a cup of coffee? I think that shows a remarkable elitism -- just a shocking blunder, on his part. How will Obama connect with rural America if he doesn't show respect for them and their beverages?
PUNDIT 3: I agree, Interchangeable Pundit 2. I mean, Obama is trying to court small town voters -- where does he think he is, the Ritz? How many of these people does he think have ever heard of something called "orange juice?"
PUNDIT 1: Exactly, Pundit 3. I mean, you have to think he's just offended so many of these folks. I wrote a column last year about how much good, decent rural Americans like their morning coffee. These people don't know what "orange juice" is. They've never had it. To have some guy come in to their town and ask for "orange juice", like he was a Prussian king or something -- I mean, that's really not going to go down well with these old fashioned, everyday yokels. Really, really a blunder. It really shows his lack of respect for these small town Americans.
NEWSCASTER BOB: ...Um, all right -- thank you pundits. Getting back... um... getting back to our top stories today, presidential candidate John McCain on the campaign trail today once again asserted ties between Iraq, Iran and al Qaeda that intelligence and military experts have repeatedly said do not exist. This was after several similar statements yesterday, and is seen by some as damaging to the credentials of the self-styled foreign policy expert. McCain has remained steadfast in his support of a war that has become overwhelmingly unpopular, and --
PUNDIT 1: Bob, I'm sorry -- we again have breaking news on the campaign trail. In a big blow to his campaign, it seems Barack Obama has not done well in a game of bowling. He bowled quite badly -- let's again to our panel of Interchangeable Pundits for their reactions on this important developing story.
PUNDIT 2: A huge, huge blow to the Obama campaign. Obama is at huge risk of being seen as out of touch and elitist, here. I wrote a column about this just last year, about how important bowling is to rural Americans. Every small town hick in America knows how to bowl -- I really don't think these plaid-shirt-wearing tractor jockeys are going to be able to accept a president who does poorly at such a blue-collar, all American sport. It really smacks of elitism -- not hitting the pins, I just think that's an insult that all the half drunk rednecks out here in this part of the country, who really are looking for a president who understands them and their indoor sports.
PUNDIT 3: Remarkable, yet again. Not wanting a cup of coffee, doing badly at a game of bowling -- this is the sort of stuff that these slackjawed hill people really look down upon. Obama really has to show he is in touch with these farm country cow tippers, that he respects them. He's not doing it, with blunders like this. "Oh," Obama says, "no coffee, thanks, just bring me the juice of a squeezed tropical fruit" -- I just don't know that that's going to play with these four-tooth hayseeds and shack dwellers.
NEWSCASTER BOB: So Pundit 1, getting back to our original story, you don't think the war is a big story, in rural America, you think coffee and bowling scores are what these Americans want to hear about.
PUNDIT 1: Absolutely, Bob. I wrote a column about this a few months ago, how these fine, upstanding turnip farmers are tired of hearing about the war, and just want a good cup of coffee and to go bowling. No matter how inbred they may be, you have to admire the simplicity of their way of life. Not elitist at all.
PUNDIT 2: Totally agree. You have to take into account that rural Americans are a simple people. This coffee incident is really the kind of story that could resonate with these wholesome, beer swilling cow tippers.
PUNDIT 3: I agree as well. Very much so.
NEWSCASTER BOB: All right then, thank you pundits... In a related story tonight: one hundred years. That's how long one presidential candidate says troops may be in Iraq. Meanwhile, the death toll rises almost daily. We'll speak to several military experts tonight on whether the Iraq War is draining resources from what some call the "real" War On Terr--
PUNDIT 1: Bob, hold on, fresh breaking news here. It seems presidential candidate Barack Obama has stepped in it once again, by claiming that some small town Americans are "bitter." We're going to have a one hour breaking news special on this, right after this news program, but before that let's talk again to our political experts.
PUNDIT 2: This is -- this is staggering, Pundit 1. Just devastating to the campaign. You have a regular guy like John McCain, who is really in touch with these halfbreed nine-fingered dirt pickers, who really feels their pain at their telecommunication companies having to answer to federal laws, or who are really, really alarmed that the Iraq War won't be allowed to continue indefinitely, or who just want to do their patriotic part for encouraging free trade by outsourcing their town's jobs and industries, and then you've got Obama over here claiming they're "bitter"? Wow. I mean, you have to marvel at the blunder. John McCain's spokesman immediately came out with a statement that everything is fine, and that these rural patriots are really quite pleased at the job losses -- if those job losses happened, which the spokesman denies.
PUNDIT 3: I agree, this really helps John McCain. For Obama to claim these cowpie chuckers are bitter, or that these people who have lost their jobs have been losing hope -- well, that's just the gravest of elitist insults to these flyover country half-human Sears-shopping trailer park squatters. How dare he insult them like that, by calling them "bitter"? You know, in my last column I talked about these fine small town possum scrapers, and how valuable they are to the country. These people go to laundromats where you have to put the quarters in the machines yourself -- yourself! No joke, I'm not sure Obama can really relate to something like that. He's certainly never written a column on it, that's for sure.
PUNDIT 1: Probably too busy drinking orange juice! Ha! But seriously, I agree with your agreement. I mean, between wanting orange juice, doing badly at a sport, and claiming people who have lost their jobs are bitter, I'm just not sure what demographic he's still trying to appeal to. Certainly not the fine roadkill-stew-for-dinner folks that make up our small towns and rural areas. They don't care about complicated things like wars and job flight, they care about coffee and bowling and leaders who understand how much they like wars and job flight. And laundromats.
PUNDIT 2: I agree with both of your agreements with me. I wrote a column two weeks ago about these very same steak and potato halfwits, and what a treasure they were. Obama's losing them, by talking about things like jobs and orange juice. Huge mistake.
PUNDIT 3: Indeed, if I could agree again with my agreement, I'm going to be writing a column next week about these corn-bred Godbillies. I'm not sure Obama could understand them as well as you and I do, having not written any columns about them. I think all you have to do is listen to country music -- the music of the people, I might add -- and you'd hear that these pickup driving dynamite-fishers aren't bitter in the least at the closing factories. If anything, they're grateful for the free time.
NEWSCASTER BOB: Now, hold -- hold on a minute here. What you're basically saying, what you've been saying all night, in fact, is that our rural Americans are essentially too ignorant and uneducated to follow stories about the war, or torture, or the failing economy, or even their own lost jobs. Instead, they want to hear stories about bowling, coffee and whether or not someone said they might feel bitter. Don't you think that's a bit insulting to small town America -- that you're essentially calling them stupid, not able to grasp anything but the smallest and most trivial of stories?
PUNDIT 2: Hmm, sounds like somebody hasn't been writing any columns.
PUNDIT 3: I agree. War, torture, and the economy? What an elitist question. You know, you should visit these people sometime, you'd see how simple and upstanding they are. They do their own laundry, even -- it's inspiring, that's what it is.
NEWSCASTER BOB: All right, I'm just going to let this drop, I think we really need to get back to real news now. Coming up, Vice President Cheney eats a baby. Will Bush pardon the baby for not being tender enough, or leave it to the courts to decide? Coming up, an interview with the baby's parents, who have apologized to the Vice President for their baby not tasting as delicious as the Vice President had expect--
PUNDIT 1: OH MY GOD, BOB, I HAVE TO BREAK IN HERE -- OBAMA JUST PUT A NICKEL IN THE TAKE-A-PENNY BOWL. THIS COULD BE IT, BOB, I'M NOT SURE THESE SUSPENDER-WEARING BEAN EATING SHEEP SODOMIZERS HAVE EVER SEEN THAT MUCH MONEY IN THEIR LIVES, HE MAY HAVE LOST THEM WITH THAT DISPLAY OF OSTENTATIOUS WEALTH. PUNDIT 2, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
PUNDIT 2: UM, I CAN'T TALK RIGHT NOW, I'M ACHIEVING CLIMAX -- ONE SECOND -- ONE SECOND --
PUNDIT 3: GET ME HOME! CALL THE DRIVER, GET ME HOME RIGHT NOW! I HAVE TO WRITE A COLUMN!
NEWSCASTER BOB: Um... OK... I'm being told we're going to take a quick break. When we come back: Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Why has he never eaten a baby?
Finals have been kicking my butt this time around. Fortunately, there have been a lot of good comics out there to entertain me for a few seconds per day. Here are some of the ones I've enjoyed lately. Some of them are difficult to read, but just click on them for a larger view. Enjoy!
Here's a local comic by A. Miel (who knows what the "A" stands for) called Tales from America. Yes, Oregon has talented people, not just a bunch of microbrew and coffee drinkers. However, this particular comic was guest drawn by Geraldine Ferraro:
Here's more election fun by Ruben Bolling at Tom the Dancing Bug. Tom the Dancing Bug is basically a different type of comic strip each week, not just a different episode of the same one. This week it's the Super Friends (I'm too young to remember The Mod Squad) meet the presidential candidates:
Here's a Ted Rall comic. He's so cool that he doesn't need to give a name to his comic strip--it's just one of Ted Rall's three weekly comics! That's all you need to know:
And finally, here's a fantastic comic by Leigh Rubin called Rubes. It's funny because it's true:
You know, I liked these much more before I had to explain them. Hopefully, I didn't ruin them for you.
Some people aren't good at subtleties. Luckily, someone who works for the Obama campaign realized this and consequently ordered a podium placard so that there would be no doubt, not even to the dumbest of the dumb, what the Obama campaign is all about:
Now, Barack Obama is a fairly tall man. He's not exactly big, but he's not skinny, either. Yet that placard makes him look like the real SteveNovick. Except half black. And without a left hook. BTW, if you live in Oregon, please register as a member of the Democratic Party and vote for Steve Novick in the primary in May. He even kicked butt with some idiot host on Fox News (but in a good way), for crying out loud.
Anyway, the Obama P.R. people are really good at what they do. Hell, even my cynical self is beginning to come around. If you haven't seen it already, here's a video that's been making the rounds on "the Internets" featuring some musician who turned snippets of Obama's speeches into a song:
Isn't that inspiring? I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Maybe it's just the alcohol.
Still, I haven't been inspired by a president since, er, well, ever. There have been a few inspiring presidential candidates, but none that even came close to winning. I wonder what it's like to vote for someone who wins? On second thought, I did vote for Peter DeFazio. But nobody outside of my district knows who he is, so he doesn't count.
Anyway, not to be outdone, a John McCain supporter made a similar video:
This one was not quite warm nor fuzzy.
Oh yeah, some preacher and a former president's wife are apparently running, too. They must be third party candidates or something.
For those who have no idea that I went anywhere, well I did. And now I'm back. More on that in a moment.
But first, I want to talk about what I returned to. Or should I say, what I didn't return to. What didn't I return to?
A computer that worked.
Now, I do realize that it had been four years since I first purchased my spiffy eMachines T2482 desktop computer, but I never expected it to just throw in the towel so suddenly. Was it the fact that I was gone for a week? I promise, I didn't use any other computers while I was gone. I was still as hopelessly devoted to you while I was away, eMachines T2482, as I was that fateful summer afternoon in 2003 when I first laid my eyes on you in Circuit City in Springfield. There was a sale...
At first, I blamed myself. I mean, I was kinda heavy-handed with my typing. Also, I would download several updates while simultaneously watching a video on YouTube, searching MySpace, listening to a song on Pandora, and writing a paper in MS Word 2000. A lesser person would have dumped you just for having "2000" in the name of one of your programs. Not me.
But then I began to realize that you were giving up on me, not the other way around. Still, I had a difficult time coming to terms with it.
Until I met Toshiba A215-S4757, that is!
You know what, eMachines T2482? You were holding me back! That's right, you were cramping my style! I mean, Toshiba A215-S4757 is a laptop. That means I can go anywhere I want with Toshiba A215-S4757, but with you I had to either stay home with you or sneak around and use one of the computers at the LCC computer lab. That's right, I used other computers behind your back. Where do you think those documents on the flash drive came from? Don't act like you didn't know what was going on!
But now I don't have to sneak around and use those anonymous machines at the lab! See, Toshiba A215-S4757 gives me the freedom I never had with you, eMachines T2482! Or should I say, "Desktop Dumbass"!
But that's okay. We had some good times together, eMachines T2482. But really, Toshiba A215-S4757 showed me just what a cheap tramp you are. I mean, come on, selling yourself for $30 on ebay? How could I possibly respect you, eMachines T2482, after that?
Look, don't make things any more difficult than they already are. Just take your things and leave. Yes, you can keep the floppy disc drive, but the printer, wireless mouse, monitor, speakers, and keyboard all stay with me. I know you need all that stuff, but you're just going to have to find someone else to give it to you. Really, it's for the best.
Anyway, onto the trip...
The whole point of it was to visit Cathy's family in New England. I have to admit that initially I wasn't thrilled about the whole idea of spending time with a bunch of (mostly) old people that I've never met. There was talk about this being the last time we'd all get to be together because everyone was old and hanging in there for us to come out and visit before they pass on and that we'd be horrible, selfish people if we didn't come out, no matter what we had planned.
Incidentally, Cathy and I had had something radically different planned. But we only had so much vacation time available, so New England it was, whether we liked it or not.
But I have to admit, I had a great time. I had heard stories about Cathy's family, how they're all "crazy" and that this was going to be a long seven days. But really, they were all great, and I'm not just saying that in case one of them reads this!
Besides, with a family like mine, I'm used to "crazy" relatives!
We flew out of Portland. On the way to the airport, we saw the strangest thing:
That's right, it's a truckload of soy sauce. Who would need this much soy sauce? I had visions of going to a gas station and being asked if I want regular, super unleaded, or soy sauce. It's not even Kikkoman, for crying out loud!
Our flight went from Portland, Oregon to Manchester, New Hampshire via Atlanta, Georgia. Now I know that anyone with a Rand McNally road atlas, a globe, or Google Earth would be asking, "Why would you go through Atlanta if you were going to New Hampshire from Portland?" Well the answer is...
Hmm...
Well, I'm not sure why. But it was cheaper that way, so there you go.
On our flight from Atlanta to Manchester just before we left the gate, the flight attendant got on the loudspeaker and said, "This is a non-stop flight to Burlington, Vermont..." Immediately, everyone on the plane (about 50 people--it was a small plane) simultaneously gasped. A couple people said, "You mean Manchester, right?" He got back on the loudspeaker and said, "Sorry, that's Manchester, not Burlington," and all 50 people simultaneously exhaled with such force that I thought the sudden increase in air pressure would rip apart the plane if it hadn't been designed to handle rapid air pressure changes.
We made it to New Hampshire and hung out for a few days at Cathy's Grandma Taylor's house:
This was my first time meeting Cathy's mom's side of the family. Her Grandma is 94 years old and still living on her own.
I guess some developmental company was in the process of finalizing a deal to buy her property. Their plans include demolishing the house and then building a road and 7-8 new houses. I had mixed feelings about it. I got to see the blueprints, and they were going to include public green space, walking trails, and lots of natural forest around each of the lots (they had about 10 acres to work with). And the house was in pretty rough shape after years of neglect, so it probably wasn't worth repairing. But still, all I kept thinking was that there were a lot of memories that were going to be destroyed with the house, and they weren't even my memories.
The house bordered a small farm:
Have you ever seen corn that tall? Well, now you have! We didn't find any children living in it, though. And no dead baseball players came out ready to play a game, either.
We walked through the corn and ended up at the Nashua River:
It was very quaint. Incidentally, "quaint" was the appropriate word to describe everything in New England.
Along the river was the New Hampshire-Massachusetts state line, and there was a stone marker to, well, mark the border:
I'm not sure why there's a border marker in the middle of nowhere, but I had fun jumping to one side and saying, "I'm in New Hampshire!" and jumping back and saying "I'm in Massachusetts!" over and over again. I think everyone else was annoyed by the eighteenth time I did it. That didn't stop me from doing it another 65 more times!
We got to enjoy some of the wildlife more than they enjoyed us:
Does this picture make my fingers look fat?
Here's a baby snapping turtle being held by Uncle Jim:
He looks thrilled (the turtle, not Jim).
I like this shot:
It's a frog in a puddle with the clouds reflected in the water. I didn't intend for the reflection to end up in the shot, but it did, and I'm not complaining.
They do weird things in New England:
Nobody in our group had any idea what "Meat Bingo" is. We wondered if it's regular bingo with meat awarded to the winners, or if meat was somehow involved in the actual game play. Did they use, say, pepperoni slices to mark their card? Or was a piece of pork on a fork dipped in barbecue sauce used to stamp the cards? Or maybe types of meat were used in place of the B-I-N-G-O letters: "Pork chop 34! Brisket 49! T-bone 11! Ground chuck 62!"
Alas, the event happened before we got there, so we'll never know.
Not only do I not know what Meat Bingo is, I have no idea what an "Ass-Plus Community" is:
I tried a local carbonated beverage called "Moxie":
Moxie is somewhere between cola and root beer and... raw sewage. I drank a couple liters of it, though, mainly because I needed something to mix with the booze.
I had heard that New Englanders love Moxie, but most of the New Englanders we came across either didn't like it, had never tried it, or had never heard of it.
I do find the guy in the orange jacket pointing at me to be a bit threatening, though.
And speaking of booze, here are the before and after photos:
You may notice there are more bottles in the "after" picture than in the "before" one. Well, that's because we went back to the liquor store a few times!
New Hampshire liquor stores are funny. They're state run like Oregon and Idaho, but they're about ten time the size. Since the three of us (Cathy, her sister, and I) couldn't agree on what to get, we decided to buy a bunch of the little bottles.
I suppose I should explain the purpose of the booze in the first place. It started out as a joke: "We're going to need a bottle of booze to get through this week," turned into "Well, maybe it would be nice to be able to have a swig every now and again to take the edge off," and then turned back into "We're going to need a bottle of booze to get through this week," except no longer joking. Unfortunately, being the dumbass I am, I bought a bottle here in Oregon and proceeded to forget to pack it. So it was off to the liquor store for us.
By the way, mixing Bailey's and Pepsi--bad idea!
We also went to Target. Cathy's sister lives in Alaska, and they don't have any Targets (yet), so whenever we hang out with her in the lower 48, we have to go to the local Target.
The one in Nashua was cool, though, because it had two stories. A two story store is usually not a big deal. The JC Penney'ses and Macy'ses of the world are usually two stories, but have you ever seen a shopping cart in one of those stores? Neither have I. But every Target I've been to is loaded with those red plastic carts. Of course, this presents a problem because you can't take a cart up and down an escalator. This Target solved that problem by building an escalator specifically for carts:
Of course, I had to get a cart just so I could try out the cart escalator!
Interestingly enough, there was a Latino family speaking Spanish in the store. We were almost as far away from Latin America as we could be while remaining in the US, but there they were. This amused me because I knew that it would really piss off the xenophobes out there, though I know this family probably has to deal with a bunch of crap from them all the time.
After New Hampshire, it was off to Vermont to see our friend Kate. We passed a cool waterfall along the way:
My first thought was that I should try to climb it. But thankfully, there was a sign to explain to me how stupid my idea was:
I guess people wised up by 1978. It's a good thing, too, because they were running out of room on the sign!
We made it to the small, quaint town of Warren to hang out with Kate for a few hours. I don't have any pictures of that, though. Just imagine Kate in a small, quaint town. If you don't know Kate, just picture someone you don't know in a small, quaint town. If you don't know Kate and you've never been to a small, quaint town, just imagine someone you don't know in some place you've never been to.
We then headed to Massachusetts to visit Cathy's Dad's side of the family. On the way, we went back through New Hampshire and passed two coach buses on the freeway. The one in the back was ordinary enough, but the one in the front said "McCain 2008" all over it. "Holy shit, it's The Straight Talk Express!" We couldn't take any photos because by this time, it was dark outside, but the bus's interior lights were on, and we could see inside. "Hey, that's the back of John McCain's white, combed-over head!"
Later we crawled under a fence (not realizing there was an open gate just a few feet away) to go see an old stone church:
The photo is dark, but I like it that way. It's foreboding!
Cathy's other Grandma was pretty cool, too. She had a bunch of jigsaw puzzles that we worked on. Finally, she dug out the puzzle that "no one has ever been able to put together." Of course, we had to try, and Grandma kept stopping by and saying things like "I should have given you one of the easy 300 piece puzzles, instead," and, "This one's too hard. Why don't you try an easier one?"
That only encouraged us more. Eight hours later:
We had help on this one from Cousin P.J. He's a pyrotechnician and gets to blow stuff up for a living. He's also the only Asian person I've ever met with a New England accent, so that makes him double cool in my book! Here's a video of his work:
Finally, we flew back to Portland, drove for two hours to Eugene, and made it home to my broken computer. Since then, I've been busy getting a new computer, getting my books for school that starts Monday, trying to figure out what the deal is with my financial aid, and working the whole time. Vacation is definitely over!
Today is a good day to call in sick. Where's my phone?
