I Really Know How to Drill a Hole!

Hello everyone!

And I'm back!

My new AC adapter finally arrived yesterday. I paid extra for the two-day shipping, but it actually took five days to get here since it took me a day to realize that trying to find one in Eugene was probably an exercise in futility, and then I had to wait two extra days for the weekend so they could ship it out on Monday. It's a good thing I paid extra!

But it's here now, and that's what matters. This new one is much better than the old one, too, because it's at a 90 degree angle unlike the original. I hope the new adapter outlasts the laptop, and by that I mean that I hope my adapter lasts a long, long time, not that my laptop dies soon. That would suck for many, many reasons.

For the time being, I'm just savoring being able to get online whenever I want. It's sad and ridiculous how much I depend on the Internets. When I was without, I actually found myself watching TV to (try to) keep myself entertained.

*shudders*

Once the adapter arrived, I adjusted much more easily than when the adapter stopped working (which I didn't discover until my battery was mostly dead). I would've posted a blog yesterday, but I had dozens of emails, messages, and mandatory website readings to catch up on, which kept me busy all yesterday evening. Now I'm finally caught back up!

Earlier this evening, while Cathy was on her laptop, she started giggling in response to something she read. Of course, I had to ask her what was so funny, and she told me that she was laughing at something one of her friends on Facebook had posted. It was one of those messages in which the receiver was supposed to do something and then repost the message with the receiver's results added. In this case, the receiver was supposed to Google his or her name followed by "likes to" with the whole thing in quotation marks. The receiver would then post the most popular or the funniest results. So basically, Cathy searched "Cathy likes to" followed by "Catherine likes to" and was laughing at what came up. Unfortunately, the results were inappropriate for a family blog such as this one, but I'm sure people who really want to know can figure it out for themselves.

Naturally, I had to test this out using my name. My results were similarly inappropriate for a family blog such as this one, so here they are...

First, I Googled "Rob likes to". Here are the highlights:

• Rob Likes To Get His Friends Drunk
• Rob likes to go fast
• Rob likes to sing
• Getting nekkid? Rob likes to watch...
• Rob likes to smell feet!!!!!
• Rob likes to be the center of attention. Not because people are gawking at my date’s freakishly large boobs.

Not bad. But what happens when I use my given name and Google "Robert likes to"?

• But because the hole needs to be really clean Robert likes to go a little bigger and use a 14-inch reamer to expand the hole.

Stop right there! I don't need to go any farther down the Google result list because nothing can top that!

Of course, I had to know more about this result. It turns out that it's an article that's posted on some construction website, and it's about drilling holes for pipes and conduit to run to homes and other buildings. The best part is it's chock-full of innuendos! Take a look:

• When a hole needs to be drilled that others are having problems with, Bison gets the call.
• Robert... has a real feel for drilling a hole. Although he has many secrets, a lot of his success comes down to just plain experience.
• "One time a guy told me he can finesse a hole, I don't know how you do that," says Robert.
• Robert says in this area he drills at about 30 feet an hour or about 10 minutes per rod... adding, "you can really mess things up if you go too fast."
• Robert puts about 42 gallons a minute in the hole. Bob added, "We like to see the mud a consistency of a heavy milkshake. If it gets slushy it's too thick."
• "You can squeeze fiber in a hole, but gas line is another story," says Robert.
• Running large gas lines requires the use of a hole opener if the machine can't drill a large enough hole in one pass.
• ...they can use hole openers to ream the hole when necessary.
• Bearing and seal package technology as well as pressure compensated lubrication systems... are also giving greater penetration rates.
• What sets this type of split set hole opener apart is that it there is better utilization of available force which results in better performance, improving the penetration rate. One rotation of the cone provides complete bottom hole coverage.

Awesome.

Well, I hope y'all managed to survive this past week without my eighth-grade-level humor to keep you entertained. Stay tuned for more Beavis and Butthead-inspired wisecracks!

Rob

She Said "Erection"

Hello everyone!

Today I sat in my "The Political Economy of North-South Relations" class and desperately tried to stay awake and pay attention to the wonderfully exciting world of international trade policies and developing economies. I am actually interested in this incredibly boring subject matter, but that's only because I'm a nerd. Still, when we talk in detail about dependency theory, the Kuznets curve, and Keynesian Management Theory, even my eyes begin to glaze over. On this day I had just finished a three day weekend, so although I wasn't going to nod off completely, I had no ability to focus and pay attention even if I'd wanted to. Anyway, while I was staring at the back of the head of the person sitting in front of me, pondering what brand of shampoo she uses, I suddenly heard my professor, a very attractive younger woman, say this:

"...but with the erection of trade barriers..."

Holy crap! Did Professor Baker just say "erection" in front of the whole class?

It was all I could do to keep myself from blurting out, "She said 'erection'!" From where I was sitting, I was surrounded by women, and I hadn't said more than four sentences to all of them combined in the past three weeks, so I managed to restrain myself out of fear of how they'd react. Desperately, I looked around at each of the other students, at least the ones I could see from my seat, hoping to see a sign that at least one other person in the class caught it. But alas, everyone else had the same glazed over look on their faces that I had just had. I even tried looking the three jocks who always sit together and high-five each other a lot, but each was focused on his laptop, no doubt looking up sports scores or kinky porn and pretending to be anywhere but in that classroom at that time.

What's wrong with today's youth?

There's only one two people who can appreciate something of this magnitude. Take it away, boys:

Butthead: She said "erection". Uh-huh-huh.

Beavis: Yeah, yeah! Erection! Boooooiiiiiiinnng! Heh-heh-heh!

My thoughts exactly. I guess today's youths just aren't sophisticated enough.

Rob