Rob's World

Oh, Deer

2012-01-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

Happy New Year and all that crap. Let's hope all the self-professed "experts" are wrong and this isn't the last year for the human race. I've still got a lot of stuff to do, and there are just some things I won't be able to get done by December 21st. Like celebrate my 40th birthday. Not that I'm looking forward to being 40, but I'd rather be 40 than dead. I just hope that on my 40th birthday I don't find myself wandering what's left of a post-apocalyptic world, wearing a mailman uniform, and drinking my own pee like Kevin Costner.

Christmas was interesting. A couple friends were in town, and they came over on Christmas Eve (which was also one of the friend's birthday). My friend Brian was also here, and the two of us played music and drank way too much. We had to convince Brian not to drive home, and he agreed to stay the night here as long as we took shots of whiskey with him. I was already "speeching my slur" before we took the shots, but the added helping of Bushmills on top of a belly full of PBR meant I spent Christmas Day nursing the worst hangover I've had in probably a decade. Good times.

In part because of the Christmas debacle, Cathy and I spent a quiet New Year's Eve by ourselves at home. It was nice.

I've started a new blog devoted strictly to politics, the appropriately named Rob Talks Politics. Check it out. This means no more politics here on my personal site, although everything is political, so I'm sure some of my comments will have a political edge to them. But the main theme here will be about stuff happening in my life. And I plan to keep the obligatory Moment of Tucker. Sound good? Good.

Deer News:

Speaking of Tucker, the other day he and I took a walk around the property, and I noticed a fawn/young deer (its spots were gone, but it was small and its nose was still stubby) lying on its side, flopping around on the ground. It was slowly dying. Tucker also noticed it and wanted to go investigate, but fortunately he listened when I told him to stay. The deer tried to get up once or twice but fell over, so I figured it had been hit by a car (the road wasn't too far away) and definitely had some broken bones. It wasn't going to make it.

I wasn't sure what to do, so I called Cathy at her work, figuring she's got much more connections and experience with stuff like this than I do, since she grew up around here. She asked around at work, and one of her coworkers called her husband, and the gist of the conversation was that it's illegal to shoot the deer, and I should call Fish and Game and report it. So I did, and the woman I talked to said there's nothing they could do about it and that I just needed to let it be until it dies. I told her I wasn't thrilled about the idea of letting a deer die slowly and painfully, and that I also wasn't thrilled about eventually having a dead deer rotting so close to the house. She "helpfully" said I could always take it to the dump once it was dead.

The last thing I wanted to do was load a dead, decaying deer carcass into the back of the truck and then haul it to the dump. Thanks for nothing, Idaho Fish and Game.

I relayed all this info to Cathy, but what to do with the dead deer took a back seat to finding out a way to put this poor, suffering deer out of its misery. It was pretty brutal watching it flop around on the ground and struggle to stand up. It's something I won't forget any time soon. Cathy told me the coworker's husband was friends with a sheriff deputy who lived down the road, and the deputy agreed to stop by and shoot the deer. I was relieved.

I shouldn't have to point out how ri-god-damned-diculous it is that it's illegal to shoot an injured deer to end its suffering, but that Fish and Game won't take care of it. I get why it's illegal, because poachers could simply say the deer was already injured, and they were just putting it down. And I'm sure the reason why Fish and Game didn't send anyone out is because they are chronically underfunded. But still.

While waiting for the deputy, I mentioned on Facebook what was going on, and the overwhelming consensus from the many comments was, "Fuck the law. Do what's right." I agreed with the consensus, but there were a couple problems. First, we inherited our gun collection from Cathy's father: a couple of .22 rifles and a 12 gauge shotgun, which weren't exactly ideal for this project (especially the shotgun) and probably haven't been fired in at least 10 years, maybe even 20 or more. We also have a .357 handgun, which probably would be more suited to shooting the deer, but again, this hasn't been fired in a long time, and it looks like an antique. It's a police service revolver that probably belonged to Cathy's grandfather, who was a cop on the mean streets of rural Massachusetts well before I was born. Oh, and we also didn't have any ammo in the house.

Second, I don't know much about guns. In fact, I've never fired a gun in my life, other than BB guns. I doubt it would've been too difficult to figure it out, especially considering some of the people I've known who are into guns aren't exactly the second coming of Albert Einstein. But I didn't really want to go experimenting with guns on the deer. I could see the headline in the local newspaper: "Man Shoots Himself Trying to Poach Bambi." There will definitely be a day or two of Cathy and I going out and doing some shooting and getting used to the guns in our near future, but that didn't help me at the time.

Third, and probably most importantly, even if I had shot it, there was a sheriff deputy on his way. I didn't know what to expect from him, and I didn't want to find myself having to deal with the possibility, remote as it was, of having to pay a hefty fine for shooting the deer. So I waited for the deputy to arrive and tried not to dwell on the twitching and flopping deer outside.

The deputy finally showed up a good three hours later, after it had gotten dark out. I was irritated it took so long, but later I found out he wasn't showing up as part of his duties, but stopping by on his way home. Apparently the sheriff's department has more important things to do than to shoot a dying deer, and this guy was just doing a favor for a friend. Either way, I'm glad he stopped by.

The deputy seemed nice enough, but he still made me nervous, as all cops do, even when I have no reason to be nervous. I guess they're trained to intimidate people and keep them nervous. After he started talking to us, he relaxed, and so did I.

I showed him where the deer was. It had moved a good 20-30 feet from where I'd first seen it because of all the flopping on the ground and failed attempts to stand up. The deputy asked what I was going to do with the deer afterwards, and I told him I didn't have any plans. A couple Facebook friends suggested I keep the meat, but I have no idea how to gut a deer. Besides, it was a scrawny little fawn, so I don't know how much meat you could get from it. Probably a lot if you know what you're doing, but I don't.

I told the deputy I was going to go stand over by the house while he shot the deer. I hadn't thought about it up until that point, but I couldn't see any reason to stick around and watch him shoot it. So I walked away and eventually heard the gunshot. The shot didn't bother me at all. In fact, I felt quite relieved once I heard it. The cop took his time coming back to his car, which I thought was weird, but when he came back he told us dragged the carcass over by the road. That was pretty cool of him. He didn't need to do that. He didn't even need to stop by.

I never did find the deer carcass later on, not that I went looking for it, but I can't help but wonder if someone stopped picked it up. I hope so. It's enough that Cathy buys bird seed to feed the smaller birds. We don't need to be feeding the ravens as well.

Reading Materials

For political stories, see my political blog. Otherwise, check these out:

Nice guys really do finish last
An Earth-like planet was discovered orbiting a Sun-like star
Oh, those wacky Canadian mountain bikers. Cool Stuff.
What is the Monkeysphere?
Speaking of Mayans, 1100-year-old Mayan ruins have been discovered in Georgia. Or not.
Finally, the age-old question, "How many birds can be stuffed inside another bird?" has been answered
What Phish Sounds Like to People That Don’t Like Phish
Conspiracy Keanu
Why I don't use auto-correct

In Closing

Here it is, your moment of Tucker (taken near Grandma's house):

Rob

Turkey Goodness

2011-11-30T20:26:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

As we wrap up November 2011, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this past October marked five years of me doing this blog. Yay!

Of course, I probably should have mentioned that last month when it was actually five years to the day, not today. What's the point in celebrating a five year, one month, and two day anniversary?

But I didn't realize I'd passed the five year milestone until a couple days ago. I have a hard enough time remembering my own birthday, let alone my blog's birthday, so cut me some slack.

I've been teaching myself HTML and CSS lately. I'm also planning on learning Javascript and some other computer languages, programs, and/or software in the near future. I have an idea for a website that I'm going to try to build myself, either from scratch or by customizing a template. I had been thinking about trying to find someone to build the site for me, but then I just thought, "Why can't I build it myself?" I already have some basic HTML experience from this blog, from our photo site, and from other projects, and I'm fairly intelligent, so why not learn how to do it myself?

But I'm quickly discovering that this sort of stuff is incredibly tedious to study. It's not terribly difficult--it's just all right-brain stuff. Or is it left brain? I always confuse the two. What I'm trying to say is that it's all logical stuff. So I find myself walking around with a headache most of the time. Maybe it's just a tumor and completely unrelated to the HTML and CSS language stuff. Or not.

I think it will be much easier once I start playing around with the language instead of just studying it. I'm probably going to fool around with the colors and fonts and formatting right here on this blog. I won't make any big changes (at least not on purpose) because after five years, I'm used to this layout the way it is. But I used the stock Blogger template when I first started this blog, and I'm really bored with it. So I'll probably change the colors at the very least.

The new project won't have much to do with what I do here, so I plan on continuing with this blog. Although, the new project will kinda involve Tucker. Stay tuned.

Thanksgiving News

Well, the turkey we made seemed to be a hit because Cathy and I sure got lots of compliments. I think if we're going to do it again, barbecuing is definitely the way to go. Here's what we did:

We started with an 18 pound turkey. I didn't want one that big, but it was the smallest one we found. Also, full disclosure: I broke one of my rules and didn't get a sustainably-raised turkey, mainly because a sustainably-raise turkey would've cost around $100 and required a drive to Spokane. So we caved and went to the local Safeway instead.

Here's how we prepared it. We thawed it in the beer fridge for a few days prior to Thanksgiving. By Thursday morning it still hadn't thawed all the way, so we soaked it in cold water in the sink for a half hour or so. Meanwhile, we:

Cored two apples and cut them into chunks
Peeled two Mandarin oranges and split them into segments
Diced a couple stalks of celery
Diced an onion
Peeled several (don't remember how many) cloves of garlic and cut them in half.

We mixed all those ingredients with some fresh sage and stuffed it into the cavity. Then we coated the turkey skin with melted butter. Finally, we put the stuffed bird in a roasting pan and put the neck, giblets, and extra stuffing in the pan around the turkey, and added a cup or so (didn't measure) of white wine to the pan.

For the barbecue, I started a chimney of "real wood" charcoal (in Eugene I used to get mesquite charcoal, but the closest I can find here is "real wood"--it doesn't say what kind). When the coals were ready, I dumped them in the barbecue and put the turkey pan on the grill. It barely fit under my Weber barbecue lid. I started a second chimney, and when that was ready, I added it to the first, along with some mesquite chips that had been soaking in water.

From then on, we checked the barbecue every once in a while to baste the turkey and see how things were going. Incidentally, we couldn't find a turkey baster (though I'm sure we have one somewhere in the house), so Cathy went to Safeway to buy one, and of course they were all sold out. All they had was one meat injector, which she picked up. It actually worked better than a baster because we could baste with it and inject juice into the turkey.

A couple hours in, I added a third chimney of charcoal, and that was all I needed in total.

About four hours or so after we started, it was done. Here's what it looked like:

Not bad, eh?

We also made slow cooker stuffing and garlicky mashed potatoes. My sister made sweet potatoes, homemade bread, and a couple desserts, while my nephew's wife (my niece-in-law?) made salad and another dessert, and my niece brought drinks and deviled eggs. Everything was fantastic (except the deviled eggs, which I think are always disgusting, so I didn't have any, though other people said they were good).

In short, it was a success.

It was also lots of fun to hang out with the family. Even though we live within an hour or two of each of them, we don't get to see them very much, mainly because they live an hour or two away.

Anyway, with an 18 pound turkey, even though we insisted that our family take some with them (they didn't seem to mind too much), we still had lots of leftovers. Over the weekend I made a batch of my "award-winning" chili, substituting leftover turkey for the beef, but keeping the pork. It was an all-white-meat chili. I still plan on posting the chili recipe here at some point, I promise.

Cathy also made a damn good stock out of the turkey carcass plus some onion, celery, and seasonings. Then she used some of the stock to make turkey noodle soup. We also had turkey tacos. And turkey sandwiches. So many turkey sandwiches.

Fortunately, all the turkey is now either gone or is in soup or chili in the freezer. I think I've had enough for a while.

And Now, A Musical Interlude

After posting a Tortoise video in my last blog, I realized this is the video I should've posted instead. It's not that the music is any better here than in the live video--it's just that this video is a lot of fun, especially for someone into photography like I am. Here it is:

Reading Materials

This one is going to be a long one. Cue the obligatory "That's what she said" joke...

Matt Taibbi talks about the UC Davis pepper spraying
Naomi Wolf has "the shocking truth about the crackdown on Occupy"
Joshua Holland says Naomi Wolf is full of shit
Right-libertarian Ron Paul consultant Lew Rockwell criticizes conservatives who sided with the UC Davis police
An open email about Occupy Austin by anthropologist and anarchist David Graeber
Even Martha Stewart has a sense of humor
Five ways our generation ruined the OWS generation
The ten stupidest objections to OWS
Right-wing website reporters were beaten by NYPD, then helped by Occupy Wall Street protesters
Occupy Eugene protesters targeted Wal-Mart on Black Friday
In other Wal-Mart news: an older customer put a video game in his waistband to free up his hands. In response cops slammed him to the floor, leaving him bloody and unconscious
And to complete the Wal-Mart trifecta: if the cops don't injure you, your fellow customers will
South Carolina cops killed a man with a Taser because he wouldn't stop his bicycle when they called to him. The man was deaf and mentally handicapped. The cops were there in the first place because someone reported seeing a man fall off his bike. Standard procedure?
An Ohio woman was assaulted, and the cops end up taking the victim to jail, forcibly strip searching her (some of the cops were male) while someone videotaped it, and then leaving her nude in her cell for hours. Standard procedure?
Miami cops caught on tape laughing about shooting an unarmed protester in the face. Standard procedure?
The militarization of the police continues
Three for the price of one: Teenage high school student said Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback "sucked" on Twitter and was forced by principal to apologize after Brownback's office complained; student rightly refused; then Brownback ended up apologizing for sucking so bad. See? Sometimes news stories have a happy ending.
Thanks to the Bush tax cuts, the average top 1% will get a tax cut that's worth more than the total income of the average bottom 99%
Speaking of Bush, he cancelled a trip to Switzerland over fears he'd get arrested for engaging in torture. Now if they'd only apply the same standard to Obama...
You can't even count on "respectable" publications like Time if you want to be informed
You can't even count on "respectable" TV networks like The Discovery Channel if you want to be informed
No, it's not 1950, but sometimes it seems like it is. A Kentucky church banned interracial couples.
As if it's not strange enough that an Amish clan goes around cutting the hair and beards of other Amish people, the clan leader's name is "Mullet." If this were an Onion story proposal, it would be rejected as too far-fetched.
Tee-hee
The benefits of being a polar bear zookeeper

In Closing

Do me a favor, drop by check out my friend Erin's new website, Cross Sectional Views. She's a great writer, and her posts are insightful and always worth a read.

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker (taken last August):

Rob

To Serve and Pepper Spray

2011-11-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

In my last post, I wrote about how ridiculous I thought it was that our weather forecast called for 1-3 inches of snow, and yet we had a Winter Storm Warning. Well, as it turned out, we actually got about a foot and a half of snow, which of course is much more Winter Storm Warning worthy, but quite different than "1-3 inches." And on top of that, we got another 4-6 inches of snow yesterday morning. But then last night the air warmed up and it began to rain, so now everything is a big slushy, sloppy mess.

Every so often when chunks of the wet snow slide off the roof and hit the ground, it makes a big booming sound that scares Tucker. I told him it was just snow and it happens all the time, and that it didn't seem to bother him last year when he was just a little puppy, but he seems skeptical. I even took him outside to inspect the piles that had just fallen off the roof for himself, and all he did was pick up a big chunk of ice with his mouth and run around the yard like a cuckoo bird. Of course, he liked to do that all the time in the summer, too, except he'd have a pine cone in his mouth instead of an ice chunk. At least he sticks with what he knows best.

Occupy News

In case you haven't heard, here's the latest. Some UC Davis students decided to form their own Occupy group and pitch tents on their campus to protest, among other things, the steep rise in tuition California students are facing. When the campus cops told them to leave, they refused and locked arms to form a human chain. A cop then hosed them down with pepper spray at close range. Here's a video taken from four separate perspectives:

Good thing those campus cops were there in full riot gear to protect the students from the scourge of their seated classmates, eh?

Despite what Megyn Kelly says, pepper spray is potentially lethal, and "U.S. troops fighting overseas are banned from using it in combat by international treaty." It's pretty bad stuff. If Megyn Kelly really thinks it's a harmless "food product," I'm sure she'd have no problem letting someone spray a generous portion of it all over her face.

I'll let you, the reader, fill in the space after the last sentence with the obvious joke. I choose to rise above that sort of juvenile humor. Unless it's a joke about poop or farts. Those are always hilarious.

Anyway, pepper spray is designed to cause great pain and/or blindness. Normally something designed to cause pain and/or failure of one's basic bodily functions is considered a torture device. But when it's cops/military/government doing the torturing, people tend to be really good at coming up with ways to justify it. We love our obedience to authority, don't we?

I've been reading online comments from people excusing the cops' actions by claiming that the cops were just doing their job and that the students were breaking the law. Except I've yet to see anyone point out exactly what law they were breaking. The closest I've seen is a quote from the college chancellor claiming the students were "violating university rules." But university rules aren't exactly the same as the law, no?

The First Amendment is supposed to guarantee the right to peaceably assemble, and the video makes it clear that's exactly what these students were doing. They were sitting down, arms locked. They weren't even chanting or yelling, for crying out loud. Even more, this was a protest by students on their own campus, and if anyone had a right to be there, it was them.

But let's assume the students were breaking some mythical law. How does that justify what happened here? The justification for cops to carry pepper spray (or a gun, or a Taser, or a nightstick) is to protect themselves against threats. But how much paint thinner does one have to inhale to be deluded enough to think a dozen or so unarmed kids sitting on the ground pose any sort of threat to armed cops in full riot gear? Also, why were the people sitting down the only ones targeted? After all, if simply being on campus is a crime deserving of chemical weapons to the face, why don't you see the cops pepper spraying all the students standing around watching? There were certainly a lot more of them than the dozen or so sitting down.

If you support the cop's actions, you have nothing to complain about if you get pepper sprayed the next time you get pulled over for speeding. It's that simple.

The only crime committed at UC Davis that day was not by the students, but by the pepper-spraying cops. It was about crushing a Constitutionally-protected protest before it picked up steam. As Glenn Greenwald noted, this is all about intimidating others into submission and silence.

See, unlike other countries that outright ban free speech and free expression, our government pretends to allow it. And as long as people engage in the "right kind of free speech," the kind that can be manipulated and exploited by those who actually run the country, the corporate shills who dominate our media and political discourse will sing the praises of the First Amendment. But when people actually engage in free speech that threatens said status quo, the full force of the state will come down on the people in the form of pepper spray, tear gas, nightsticks, flash grenades, and skull-cracking rubber bullets to the face. We're seeing it now.

The administrators at UC Davis (along with the faculty, students, and cops) should consider themselves fortunate that the students didn't riot after the pepper spraying. People tend to respond to violence with more violence, even nonviolent protesters. If the cops keep up this type of behavior (and since they take orders from politicians, I expect more of the status quo), people are going to react. It's going to get ugly(er).

Pressure is on the chancellor to resign. Her walk of shame was caught on video. The cop who did the spraying was put on leave (with pay, naturally) while he's being investigated. I'd be shocked if anything happens to him. I don't even expect a slap on the wrist. He'll likely be back pepper spraying lawful protesters in no time. That's what happens in a police state.

Or maybe something will come out of this. Maybe some real changes will happen. Time will tell.

I would be remiss if I didn't point out one cool thing to come out of this: an awesome internet meme.

Here's one more thing I want to discuss. This photo has been making its way around the interwebs:

As I've mentioned before on this blog, for every job that's available, five people are looking for one. That's just the official numbers--the actual number is likely much higher. Also, that doesn't include people who already have a job, but whose job doesn't pay enough, so they're looking for a replacement or second job.

The point is this: the problem isn't that people don't want to work--it's that there aren't enough jobs. The people protesting are not to blame for this fact. They're not looking for a handout. They just don't want to be doomed to a life of poverty and debt servitude. In fact, the only demanding a handout are the Wall Street scumbags that tanked the economy then demanded a bailout.

Of course, I shouldn't be surprised that so many people have the basic premise behind the Occupy movement wrong given that our corporate media is not in the business of informing people, but rather selling corporate advertisements. I'm sure the lack of information and abundance of misinformation is even worse for the soldiers stationed overseas. Hence the sign. Don't believe it, though.

And Now, A Musical Interlude

Tortoise is my favorite instrumental band, and one of my overall favorites, instrumental or otherwise. Here's a set from one of their shows in Europe:

Reading Materials:

I linked to this earlier, but Glenn Greenwald is always a must-read, and definitely worth two links in one blog post.
Pepper-spraying is not limited to California and New York. This story combines my interest in the Occupy movement and my interest in photography.
A pregnant woman miscarried after being kicked and pepper sprayed during a Seattle protest. Where is the "pro-life" crowd calling for murder charges against Seattle's finest?
An NYC cop pushed and threatened to arrest a woman who had identified herself as a legal observer. That legal observer also happens to be a New York Supreme Court judge.
Matt Taibbi shows how much injustice there is in our system.
Scott Olsen, the Oakland victim of a rubber bullet to the head, is now up and out of the hospital.
Obama gets mic checked during a speech. I'm sure that won't stop the usual gang of idiots from claiming the Occupy movement is really a Marxist/Muslim/Socialist/Kenyan plot funded by George Soros and ACORN to create chaos in the streets in order to destroy capitalism and force our kids to get gay married to illegal immigrants and have semi-annual taxpayer-funded abortions.
Amazon customers comment on the brand of pepper spray used at UC Davis. Hilarity ensues.
One of the reasons I'm all but done with Facebook these days (though I admit I do sometimes lurk).
What happens when an elementary school teacher catches a boy and a girl smooching during PE class? Well, the school calls the cops to see if they should investigate it as a sex crime, of course.
Here's a handy chart to help illustrate the relative value of money.
Rand Paul: "Millionaires and billionaires pay all the taxes." I guess the next time I'm at the store, I'll just tell the cashier, "I don't have to pay the sales tax because I'm not a millionaire or billionaire. Hey, Senator Paul said so!"
Black Friday is coming up. Most of what you know about it is probably untrue.
This article debunks myths found in an article that supposedly debunked myths about eating local food
Every time an Oregon Ducks fan makes the "O" hand signal, he or she is also making the sign language symbol for "vagina." Seriously.
Former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has a knack for pointing out the obvious.

In Closing

We're having Thanksgiving at our place this year. I'm going to attempt to barbecue a turkey. I've never tried such a thing before. Hell, I've never cooked a turkey in the oven before. So it should be interesting. If it turns out to be a complete disaster, you'll probably hear all about it right here on Rob Dow's World. So stay tuned.

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker (and Cleocatra):

"It's too cold to play outside."

Rob

Weddings and Stuff

2011-11-15T20:55:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone.

No, I'm not going to talk about the Occupy movement today. I know there's a lot to talk about, but I'm just burned out on the whole thing, and that's nothing against the movement or its supporters. In fact, I'm not even planning on talking politics at all right now, even though there's plenty to talk about. I just need a break from it right now.

So for this post I'm just going to focus on stuff happening in my life. Of course, I suppose everything is political, even stuff happening in my life, but you know what I mean.

The point I'm trying to make is that if you've dropped by specifically for my ~~insightful~~ middling political commentary, and/or if you couldn't give two craps what's going on in my life, you might want to skip this one. Your loss.

Rob Happenings

Cathy and I went down to Eugene last weekend to see two of our friends get married. Yes, to each other. Technically, they got married last spring, but no one was there to see it, so Saturday was the big ceremony with family and friends.

It was a success. They had the ceremony at an art gallery, and as they're both creative, artistic people, it was not only appropriate, but it was also really fun to be around all the art. Notwithstanding my snarky comments about a few of the paintings looking like Froot Loops cereal, there was some amazing work there, and it was inspiring to be surrounded by it.

During the ceremony, the bride and groom each gave a little speech to each other, sort of like vows but not really, and both of their respective speeches was well-written, tear-jerking stuff. Each of their moms also went up front and gave a little speech as well, and their speeches were also top-notch.

I began to worry.

Here's the thing: I was the Best Man. And I had to also give a little speech when I did the toast later on. I wasn't terribly worried about the public speaking aspect, as I had gotten used to speaking in public on a semi-regular basis while working as an academic advisor, and besides, I already knew a lot of the people who were there. Speaking in front of people you know and who know you is much easier than speaking in front of strangers, at least to me.

Leading up to the ceremony I had (mostly) teased the groom that I was going to give a Celebrity Roast-style speech about him, and he was a bit worried I'd embarrass him in front of his family and coworkers. In reality, I was just going to tell a few funny stories about him, none of which would make anyone think less of him. Truth be told, I'd have to make something up if I wanted people to think less of him, because he's a really good guy. But I had at least 15 minutes worth of material and only 2-3 minutes of allotted time, so I had to pare it down.

I had a tough time finding the line between saying nice, appropriate things and being myself. It's much easier for me to be an asshole than to be nice. In fact, I can be an asshole with little to no effort, but it takes a lot of work to be nice. I'm also much better at being an asshole than being nice.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a professional wrestler. I wanted to be a bad guy, naturally.

It's not that I want to be an asshole--I really don't. It's just the way I'm programmed. That's why I write. I can focus my asshole-ishness into a character, and that allows me to be me without hurting anyone I care about.

Anyway, before the ceremony I got my speech pared down to a couple minutes. I planned on saying mostly nice things that truly came from the heart without having to resort to stupid cliches, and I also managed to get in a few lighthearted jabs. I felt confident.

But then after hearing everyone else's speeches, I was a bit worried that mine wouldn't measure up. The thing was, it wasn't so much about my ego. Mostly, I didn't want to disappoint my two friends at their wedding.

But I went through with my speech anyway, more or less as I had planned, and I think it went well. I didn't screw up in front of everyone and make a fool of myself. People laughed when they were supposed to laugh, and people "Awwed" when I hoped they would. Afterward a couple people said it was a good speech. The bride and groom didn't seem upset afterward. If they were, they hid it well.

Cathy and I stuck around to the end to help tear down and clean up. We were exhausted, but some friends wanted to go out for drinks afterward. We went along and ended up more exhausteder. But it was fun.

Even without weddings and wedding-type events, these Oregon trips are incredibly draining. I hate the 9-10 hour drive each way. There's a couple hours in the middle of the drive that snakes though the Columbia Gorge, which is nice when it's not windy or icy. The rest of it sucks.

And when we're in town, we never have enough time. Never. This trip was even worse in that respect. We drove down on Thursday, did the rehearsal and then went to the rehearsal dinner on Friday, had the wedding on Saturday, and came home on Sunday. This meant that there was really no way we'd be able to see any of our numerous Eugene friends who weren't at the wedding. And we didn't even get to spend much time with our friends who were at the wedding. So this trip also included a generous helping of guilt.

But then again, it's a one day drive from Eugene to our place, and all our Eugene friends have an open invitation to come up here and spend as much time with us as they can handle.

I did, however, manage to pick up a few bottles of something very special from Oakshire. Stay tuned.

And Now, A Musical Interlude

I came across this recording of Nirvana doing "Something in the Way" during a 1991 BBC session. This version is heavier and darker, and I like it better than the one on Nevermind, which is pretty darn good in itself. Anyway, here it is:

I think my last music-related post was about Nirvana, too. I like Nirvana, but I wouldn't call myself a hardcore fan. I guess I've just had them on my brain recently.

I'll try to branch out and post something different next time.

In Closing

There's a Winter Storm Warning in effect for our area. We're supposed to get up to three inches of snow over the next 36 hours. They've really lowered the bar on Winter Storm Warnings lately. It used to be you had to get a blizzard, freezing rain, and/or snow accumulation that could be measured in feet before it was considered Winter Storm Warning worthy. Three inches in 36 hours? Sounds like typical North Idaho winter weather to me. But what do I know?

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker:

Rob

On "Violent Protesters" and a Few Reading Assignments

2011-11-03T19:49:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

Meh.

That's how I've been feeling lately. I don't know if it's the cold, dreary weather, or the fact that I haven't had a whole lot of interaction with people not named Cathy lately, but I'm just not feeling terribly inspired these days. I haven't done much in the way of writing on my book for the past couple of weeks, and I haven't been terribly motivated to do the tons of projects around the house that are crowding up my to-do list. I did, however, find time to write a to-do list, so there's that, I guess.

I haven't even been in the mood to brew any beer. It's that bad.

So now I'm forcing myself to pump out a blog posting with the hope that it might help fight the doldrums. Here goes nothing...

Occupy News

In what should come as a surprise to no one, there's been a big crackdown on Occupy protesters all across the country. Cops in full riot gear have been sent in armed with batons, pepper spray, rubber bullets, and tear gas grenades to dispel the scourge of hippie drummers camping without a permit.

One noteworthy incident took place last week in Oakland, CA, where Scott Olsen, who served two tours in Iraq, was shot in the head at close range with a "police projectile"--either rubber bullets or a tear gas grenade--leaving him with a fractured skull and an inability to speak due to brain damage, though fortunately doctors expect him to fully recover. To protect and serve!

When several people rushed to help the man who was laying on the ground motionless, a cop threw a flash grenade into the middle of the crowd. I'm sure that if he could, that cop would've arrested those people and charged them with obstruction of justice or some other bullshit charge for attending to a fellow human being. How dare they?

Now I know some you may be thinking the cops are being a bit heavy-handed toward the protesters. But they have to do something. After all, the Occupy crowd is being barely inconvenient, and we can't have that. If the cops did nothing, the movement might become slightly more inconvenient, and then what? We can't inconvenience the plutocracy, now can we? And we all love the First Amendment, but only if it's used to protect certain types of speech, such as unlimited, anonymous corporate campaign contributions, not regular people with signs.

(end sarcasm)

The latest is that the protesters have become "violent." I'm not so sure. People have admitted to infiltrating the movement in order to turn it violent and discredit it. There's pretty solid evidence that cops have infiltrated Occupy Oakland at the very least. And is vandalism really the same thing as violence?

But let's assume it's true. Let's assume the actual protesters--not agent provocateurs or infiltrators--have become violent. We know that the police (not all, but some) have been violent toward the protesters, so is it really a surprise that the protesters (not all, but some) have responded in kind? Isn't that just a basic human instinct?

I'm not making excuses or justifying. I'm as non-violent as they come, but I'm also realistic. It's idiotic to expect people who have been treated this way to not start fighting back. In fact, I think it's incredibly impressive that the so-called "protester violence" has been so minimal, not just because of human nature, but because of how deeply ingrained and institutionalized violence is in our culture. Just watch practically any newscast, any movie, or any TV show, and you'll invariably come across violent conflict. Every Fourth of July we celebrate violence. It's everywhere. So why are we shocked when victims of violence in a protest respond with violence, but cheer when the latest movie action hero does the same?

Also, shouldn't cops (or rather, the people giving cops their orders) know that protesters (or anybody for that matter) is likely to respond to violence with more violence? You'd think that if they wanted to keep things peaceful, they wouldn't send a riot squad in to crush a campout that's already been peaceful. You'd have to believe either they're incredibly inept at what they do, or they wanted it to escalate into violence. I can't see a third option.

If you have an agenda (and are willing to forgo critical thinking), you can see the "protester violence" as example of a failure of the protests. Or you could see the relative lack of protester violence as an example of its success. And if you're honest with yourself and informed, it's pretty clear to see that the violence has been incredibly one-sided: committed by cops and government officials, and the victims have been the people they're supposed to protect and who pay their salaries.

But one thing is clear: The emperor wears no clothes. If a few kids taking to the streets have caused this much of a reaction, it can only mean the people who own our country are scared. And their hold on power is incredibly fragile.

Reading Materials

I've decided to start a new segment, in which I share articles I've recently read and found noteworthy for some reason. I share articles on Facebook all the time, but I realize not everyone has a Facebook account, and I don't want to encourage people to get one, because Facebook is evil.

Global Grind looks at reports that the NYPD has been encouraging drunks and transients to infiltrate the Occupy Wall Street camps
Matt Taibbi (probably the best investigative journalist in the nation) takes on the nonsensical claims of Michael Bloomberg and the rest of the corporate shills that the financial crisis was caused by poor people taking on loans they couldn't afford to pay back. It's Taibbi. Read it.
A home foreclosure mill had a Halloween party where the employees dressed up like homeless people to mock the ones the employees foreclosed upon for a living. I don't believe in Hell, but if there was one, there'd be a special section for these scumbags.
The Telegraph talks about how a bunch of sociopaths encouraged a 17-year-old to jump off a building and kill himself
A woman who went for a late-night walk with a friend was arrested and held in jail for two days because she left her ID back at her room
Bill Moyers speaks. You listen.
Do we want "jobs," or do we really want a better society?
Counterpunch looks at the Obama administration's claim of foiling an Iranian plot to assassinate a Saudi ambassador, and how it relates to a desire in DC to collapse the Iranian economy so as to overthrow the government and install a US and Israel-friendly regime. It's so ridiculous, it just might work!
The local Priest River Times has a blurb about a recent fire. Ignore the writing--it's horrendous--but look at the photo to see if you can spot Cathy (hint: she's the one on the left).
And finally, The Raw Story has an article about and 83-year-old who is being charged with being a gigolo for offering sexual services to pay off a debt. It's nice to know even seniors can find work in this depressed economy.

In Closing

I feel a bit better. Forcing myself to blog was a good idea. I should probably do it more often, no?

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker:

"If I were human, dressing me up like this would be considered illegal under the Geneva Convention."

Rob

Head Injuries and Speeches

2011-10-24T20:30:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

So far it's been a pretty uneventful Monday, and I'm thankful for that, because the weekend was anything but uneventful.

I drove Cathy to the Spokane airport on Friday morning so she could go visit relatives in Massachusetts and New Hampshire. So it was just Tucker and me--just us boys. We checked out the new Spokane dog park, where he proceeded to ignore the Boxer pup who wanted to play with him, and instead focused on the ball. But he did his business and wore himself out, so the stop was well worth it.

I intended to stop by the Guitar Center in Spokane and try out some guitars on this trip, but it turns out they don't open until 11 am on weekdays (slacker musicians!), and it was only 9:30. If they opened at 10, I might have grabbed something to eat or otherwise found something to do to kill a half hour, but there was no way I was going to wait around for 90 minutes. Your loss, Guitar Center.

Not that I'm the market for a new guitar right now. But I'm sure I will be at some point, hopefully sooner than later, and it's nice to know what's out there. I have to admit I'm a good old typical American consumer when it comes to certain products. Music gear is one. Beer is another. Fortunately, that's about it.

Anyway, on Saturday I was busy multitasking by stacking firewood in between throwing the ball for Tucker. He's obsessed with getting the ball. That's all he lives for. It was a pretty healthy obsession until Saturday, when he ended up running head-first into a steel trailer hitch pretty much at full speed. Immediately after that he kinda stumbled around and even fell over a couple times, still looking for the ball. It sounds funny, but it wasn't. It was quite scary.

Of course, the local vet was closed for the weekend, so I had to drive for 45 minutes to an animal hospital in Post Falls. The good news was that Tucker was fine, and they gave him a prescription for an anti-inflammatory painkiller. Did you know they made meat-flavored anti-inflammatory painkillers? I didn't, but now I do.

When we came back home from the unexpected vet trip, the hills to the east of our house were on fire. I'm pretty sure it was a "controlled burn," as they had been planning one there for a while from what I'd heard. And the conditions were probably right because we had gotten a lot of rain recently, and it had been raining pretty much all day, aside from a brief break when Tucker decided to take a header into the trailer. But it was a bit unsettling to see big flames in the distance.

Once it got dark, we got a bunch of lightning, thunder, and hail. I can see hail, but lightning and thunder? At the end of a storm instead of the beginning? In late October? In North Idaho? Weird stuff.

I don't think Tucker appreciated the weather too much. He spent most of his time Saturday night cowering in the bedroom and sleeping off his headache. Poor guy.

And that brings me to Sunday.

Occupy News

I had planned on attending the Occupy Sandpoint general assembly meeting Sunday evening. It was the third meeting of the group, and I had attended the first two. The first one was great. About 50 people attended. We all stood outside in a big circle. We took turns introducing ourselves and talking about some of the issues we thought were important. It was great. It was full of energy. Ego was kept to a minimum. We agreed to get together the following week, this time at one of the local coffee houses.

So we did. I estimated there was probably about 100 people in attendance for the second one. It started out well. We watched this video, which is one of my favorites:

But from then on this meeting had a different feel than the first. The circle was gone, and in its place was a bunch of chairs facing an elevated stage. If you wanted to speak, you put your name on a list, and when your name was called, you went on stage and spoke through a microphone and amplified PA system. At one point, the mayor of Sandpoint decided she wanted to speak, and her name was moved to the top of the list.

I wasn't a fan of this system. I thought it was too hierarchical. I thought someone standing on a platform orating to a crowd was antithetical to the Occupy movement's ideal that no one should be considered more important than anyone else. I also thought having to stand on a platform and speak in front of an audience would be too intimidating for some people, and some voices would get left out.

While people were speaking, there were a few people in the audience who would occasionally interrupt, sometimes to support what was being said, but mostly to argue/debate with the speaker. It was frustrating.

The content being said by the speakers was also quite different than the first meeting. There was lots of talk about "freedom," but little talk about dwindling opportunities. Lots of talk about "government tyranny," but not much talk about corporate/Wall Street tyranny. One guy talked about the UN of all things, but no one talked about the WTO or the IMF. A woman talked about housing foreclosures, but no one talked about crippling student loan debt. As far as I know, I may have been the only one there with any student loan debt.

One guy was ~~selling~~ giving away right-wing libertarian DVDs (with a suggested donation to help cover the costs) and promoting InfoWars and Alex Jones conspiracy theory-nonsense websites. Another guy discussed "Second-Amendment remedies," and then took it further by saying (and I'm paraphrasing here because I can't remember his exact words, but I think I'm pretty close) that "We need to execute the criminals in DC." That doesn't exactly seem to jive with the spirit of nonviolence that the Occupy movement has been promoting, no? The suspicious side of me wondered if he was a plant trying to stir up shit to discredit us.

There was lots of talk about what people thought was wrong, and even what they thought we need to fix, but we never got around to planning an action.

At times I felt like I was at a Tea Party rally, or even a militia meeting, rather than an Occupy meeting.

The alpha-males dominated. Within a movement that was supposed to be leaderless, people were jockeying to lead.

I could tell many people in the audience were turned off by this. Some people voiced their disapproval. Some walked out. Some later made comments about it on Facebook.

To be clear: I don't blame the organizers for this. They did the best they could with what they were given. We're all learning here, and everyone is trying to make things better the way they know how. These are not professional organizers. They're regular people finding their voices and learning how to use them.

Still, there were certainly some encouraging moments. Many of the people who spoke had great ideas. Many reiterated a commitment to nonviolence. There seemed to be some real potential for the movement.

I wanted to speak, but I was flummoxed. I had thoughts, but they weren't yet organized. I'm not quick on my feet. I'm a processor. I need time to organize my thoughts, to stew on them, to write them down, to look at them from every angle. Only then am I ready to speak.

When I was younger, I would react and speak without thinking. Usually I'd end up saying something stupid. Later, I would think back on it and wonder how I could be a reasonably intelligent person yet end up sounding like a blithering idiot. So I learned to shut my mouth and open my ears and let my thoughts ripen before sharing them. It's served me well.

And I'm a writer. So during the week between Meeting #2 and Meeting #3, I did what I always do, which was to write down my thoughts. I formed the thoughts into words and sentences, and I organized them into something relatively coherent that I could share with the group. I wrote a lot--way more than I had originally planned. I basically ended up writing a speech, though that wasn't my intention initially.

There's a lot of ego that goes with writing. You really have to have a high opinion of yourself if you think other people would be interested in reading what you have to say. It's even worse with the spoken word. But I felt like I had a perspective that no one else did, and that what I had to say could contribute to the group, and maybe help steer it in a useful direction.

Still, there's a certain irony of trying to lead what's supposed to be a leaderless movement, even if the intention is to stave off other leadership. Over the years, I've tried to develop a "bullshit detector" (also known as critical thinking), and it's not confined to just other people. I use it on myself all the time, mainly to keep things real.

So when I thought about what I was going to say, my most critical side came out, and I found myself wondering what I hoped to accomplish. Was I going to show up and give a big speech, and then suddenly the movement would go in the "right" direction, and once the revolution is over, the crowd will remember my speech, hoist me on their shoulders, and parade me around town singing, "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"?

Bullshit detected.

Keeping one's ego out of it is an ongoing process, at least for me. I tried to focus on the movement, and think about what it was. That was what was important. I tried to leave myself out of it. And I thought what I had to say was important, but I realized it wasn't because of me since my ideas aren't terrible original in the first place. They're just ideas I'd picked up from other sources, and those sources probably picked them up from other sources, and in the end it's the ideas that are important, not the people. We just combine them with other ideas and transmit them to others. That's what I was determined to do.

So then it came time to head to Sandpoint to go to the meeting.
And I just couldn't do it.

After the weekend I'd had, I didn't have the energy, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I couldn't handle the idea of driving for 45 minutes (each way), for the third day in a row, to attend what was likely to be a contentious meeting. I didn't have the strength to assert myself and my point of view. I didn't have the patience to listen to and potentially work with people who held beliefs that aren't supported by facts, or that go against what I value. Since I'd dropped Cathy off at the airport two and a half days prior, the only people I'd interacted with in person was the owner of the Boxer at the dog park, the vet, and counter person at the animal hospital, and I'd had a couple of brief phone conversations. That was it. I just didn't have it in me to be around a large group of people, let alone speak in front of them.

And mainly I'm tired of arguing. It's exhausting.

So I stayed home, even though I couldn't help feel that I was chickening out. I had to give myself the same advice I often give Cathy, which was that I'm doing the best I can, and I shouldn't be so hard on myself (along with the requisite, "Heh-heh, you said, 'hard-on.'") I played guitar in the basement and ~~sang~~ screamed for a couple hours. I drank probably more IPA than I should have. I felt better.

But I had this speech I'd written. I'd spent a lot of time on it. And since I missed the meeting, and I don't know what was discussed, it's probably obsolete. I still want to share it, though. Good old ego, I guess. So here it is, with a few links added in case you don't know what I'm talking about:

I want to start by saying that at last week’s meeting, I heard a couple of derisive comments about the Tea Party. I think it’s important to remember that the Tea Party started out as a legitimate protest against Wall Street bailouts that was quickly hijacked by pro-big business political interests, mainly the billionaire Koch brothers and their Astroturf group, “Americans for Prosperity.” The movement’s energy was then redirected into electing politicians to enact policies favorable to the Koch brothers themselves, as well as their Wall Street friends. I think we can learn from their mistakes and make sure this movement doesn’t get hijacked, too. I also think we should be reaching out to the Tea Party members, because we have a lot more in common with them than we do with politicians in DC and corporate CEOs.

I also think we should be careful not to fall victim to the false left/right dichotomy. I’m just as guilty of this type of thinking as anyone else, as it’s something that’s deeply ingrained in our culture, thanks in part to our two-party system and our corporate media. Framing the issues we face as if it’s a sporting contest of left vs. right, liberal vs. conservative, Democrat vs. Republican plays well on TV and is designed to dumb down complicated, nuanced issues into something that’s easily consumable and can draw people away from reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond. I think this sort of thinking is incredibly limiting, and it should be avoided it at all costs.

I think the language we use is important, because words illustrate our thoughts. One phrase I hear over and over again is “Wall Street greed.” To me, this makes it sound like the problem is simply a few greedy people on Wall Street, and if we could just fix that problem, everything would be fine. Nonsense. Imagine watching a basketball game on TV and hearing the announcers complain that Kobe Bryant was being greedy by scoring so many points by himself and not letting any of the other players have a chance. The reason you’d never hear this is because the goal of any basketball player is to score as many points as possible. Likewise, the goal of Wall Street is to make as much money as possible. Reforming Wall Street is not going to change that. Eliminating it will.

Another phrase we often hear is “The system is broken.” I respectfully disagree. It’s not broken. It works just fine at what it exists to do, which is to serve the people and organizations that have created it. It rewards the scumbags of the world and punishes people who do the “right thing.”

A recent study showed that 94% of the Congressional candidates who raised the most money won their elections. This means that any politician willing to shill for the wealthy has a huge advantage over someone determined to represent the working class. Once elected, those shills are then rewarded accordingly with congressional leadership committee positions, or if they lose, they’re offered lucrative lobbying positions, perpetuating the system. Poll after poll has shown that Americans hate negative ads during political campaigns, and yet politicians who use them almost always defeat politicians who don’t, which rewards unscrupulous politicians at the expense of ethical ones. The corporate advertising world has branched off into politics, and now candidates brand themselves based on demographics and what plays well in focus groups. A politician with principles doesn’t stand a chance.

The problem just isn’t in Washington, but also in the boardroom. A corporate CEO who lays off thousands of workers can give him or herself a fat bonus for “increasing productivity.” If a business moves its factories overseas to where workers are desperate and easy to exploit, its competitors face a choice of either doing the same or going out of business because they can’t compete. The businesses that have the least regard for its workers, its community, and the environment tend to be the most successful ones.

The marriage of business and government has produced a system where bank profits are privatized and losses are socialized, where unlimited corporate spending to influence elections is now considered protected speech but a group of people protesting in a public park is not, and where corporations have the same rights as people but hardly any of the responsibilities. The documentary, The Corporation, looked at the issue of corporate personhood by noting that corporations exist solely to accumulate profit, but if a person’s top motivation in life was to accumulate profit, he or she would be considered a sociopath.

The ideals we value as individuals are punished by the system. The ideals we despise as individuals are rewarded by the system. The system is not broken. It’s insane. There’s no fixing it. It needs to be ditched, and a brand new system needs to take its place. What that new system looks like is up to us.

I propose we do two things. First off, I think we need to have an action, whether it’s a one-time demonstration, a recurring demonstration, or an ongoing occupation. While these meetings have been a lot of fun and have been useful, I think we need to let the community know we exist. By making our presence known, we can also potentially bring in new members and grow as a movement. I think we should set this in motion tonight, since the longer we wait, the more difficulty we might have in getting people to show up now that it’s getting cold out.

Second, I propose we make a long-term goal of developing alternative systems. In our last meeting, people suggested a variety of issues for us to address, including tax code reform, lobbyist reform, ending the Fed, and many others. While I think these are all noble causes, I can’t help feeling this is focusing on the symptoms, not the problem. What all these have in common is they are all issues of power. If we can develop alternative systems so that members of our community no longer rely on these institutions, the institutions will no longer have their power over us. There were some great ideas proposed in the last meeting, including developing our own currency, engaging in barter, switching to a credit union or local bank, and shopping locally. I think these are a great start and more ideas should be explored further. Perhaps we could develop feasible solutions for the community at large. It’s probably not economically practical to expect someone who has been laid off and has a family to feed to shop at Six Rivers instead of Walmart, but perhaps we can create a listing where people in the community can trade their skills or talents for local products or services. Perhaps we can develop a food bank that uses only locally-sourced food. Perhaps we can develop community action networks to help people fight off foreclosures, or work with existing ones. I think the possibilities are endless.

In closing, I’m incredibly excited about this group’s potential. I think we have a great opportunity here. I know of no one who’s is happy with the way everything is in the world, in the country, and in their communities. So here’s our opportunity to make things better.

I probably would've also said "thanks" or something at the end. Or waited for the crowd to hoist me on their shoulders and parade me around. Or dodged the rotten tomatoes being thrown at me. Who knows?

In Closing

I'm looking forward to a nice, mellow week. I might even get a few things done around the house. Or not.

Now, here it is, your moment of ~~Tucker~~ deer stealing our apples:

Rob

Occupy Rob Dow's World

2011-10-12T22:49:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

I don't want to get into the habit of starting my blog by apologizing and making excuses about why it's been so long since my last post. So I'm not going to discuss how I did some contract work assembling office furniture for a couple days, or how I've been busy getting the house ready for winter, or how I've been playing music with a local guitar player and thinking of trying to play out in one of the local seedy bars, or how I spent a good chunk of the day last week recording my first video blog with the intention of posting it here, only to run into technical difficulties trying to upload it from my camcorder to my laptop.

Nope. I won't talk about any of that.

I will, however, talk about something that's been taking up a great deal of my spare time: The Occupy Everything movement.

(Much More Than) Politics

If you've been living under a rock for the past few weeks and haven't heard about the Occupy Wall Street movement, here's a good rundown. In less that a month, the movement has spread to hundreds of cities and towns in the US and the rest of the world. There's even an Occupy Sandpoint group, and when I attended the first meeting last weekend, I counted just under 50 attendees. Not bad for a town of around 7,000.

So what is the Occupy movement all about? Well, I could tell you what I think it's all about, but instead I'll copy and paste Occupy Wall Street's first official statement (and to the best of my knowledge, their only official statement so far):

Declaration of the Occupation of New York City

As we gather together in solidarity to express a feeling of mass injustice, we must not lose sight of what brought us together. We write so that all people who feel wronged by the corporate forces of the world can know that we are your allies.

As one people, united, we acknowledge the reality: that the future of the human race requires the cooperation of its members; that our system must protect our rights, and upon corruption of that system, it is up to the individuals to protect their own rights, and those of their neighbors; that a democratic government derives its just power from the people, but corporations do not seek consent to extract wealth from the people and the Earth; and that no true democracy is attainable when the process is determined by economic power. We come to you at a time when corporations, which place profit over people, self-interest over justice, and oppression over equality, run our governments. We have peaceably assembled here, as is our right, to let these facts be known.

They have taken our houses through an illegal foreclosure process, despite not having the original mortgage.

They have taken bailouts from taxpayers with impunity, and continue to give Executives exorbitant bonuses.

They have perpetuated inequality and discrimination in the workplace based on age, the color of one's skin, sex, gender identity and sexual orientation.

They have poisoned the food supply through negligence, and undermined the farming system through monopolization.

They have profited off of the torture, confinement, and cruel treatment of countless nonhuman animals, and actively hide these practices.

They have continuously sought to strip employees of the right to negotiate for better pay and safer working conditions.

They have held students hostage with tens of thousands of dollars of debt on education, which is itself a human right.

They have consistently outsourced labor and used that outsourcing as leverage to cut workers’ healthcare and pay.

They have influenced the courts to achieve the same rights as people, with none of the culpability or responsibility.

They have spent millions of dollars on legal teams that look for ways to get them out of contracts in regards to health insurance.

They have sold our privacy as a commodity.

They have used the military and police force to prevent freedom of the press.

They have deliberately declined to recall faulty products endangering lives in pursuit of profit.

They determine economic policy, despite the catastrophic failures their policies have produced and continue to produce.

They have donated large sums of money to politicians supposed to be regulating them.

They continue to block alternate forms of energy to keep us dependent on oil.

They continue to block generic forms of medicine that could save people’s lives in order to protect investments that have already turned a substantive profit.

They have purposely covered up oil spills, accidents, faulty bookkeeping, and inactive ingredients in pursuit of profit.

They purposefully keep people misinformed and fearful through their control of the media.

They have accepted private contracts to murder prisoners even when presented with serious doubts about their guilt.

They have perpetuated colonialism at home and abroad.

They have participated in the torture and murder of innocent civilians overseas.

They continue to create weapons of mass destruction in order to receive government contracts. *

To the people of the world,

We, the New York City General Assembly occupying Wall Street in Liberty Square, urge you to assert your power.

Exercise your right to peaceably assemble; occupy public space; create a process to address the problems we face, and generate solutions accessible to everyone.

To all communities that take action and form groups in the spirit of direct democracy, we offer support, documentation, and all of the resources at our disposal.

Join us and make your voices heard!

*These grievances are not all-inclusive.

I find it hard to disagree with any of these grievances. And I suspect I'm not the only one.

So how was this received? Well, for the most part, the corporate media ignored it at first. But regular people like you and me posted photos and videos on the Facebooks and the Twitters, including ones where NYPD cops indiscriminately beat and pepper-sprayed unarmed protesters, and even bragged about it, and then suddenly the movement couldn't be ignored. I wish they'd talked about the protesters' list of grievances, but I guess that wouldn't bring in the ratings the way unarmed women getting pepper sprayed point blank by cops apparently does.

Anyway, aside from a few good American commentaries of what's been happening, plus a few good foreign (and not so good) ones, most of the American corporate media predictably went into attack mode, especially the usual bunch of right-wing clowns. And beyond the smear machines, most of the rest of the "really serious impartial news pundits" have attacked the movement as a bunch of dirty hippies who don't even know what they're protesting. Bullshit. They know what they're protesting. Just look at the grievance list above. They get it. It's the corporate media that either doesn't get it, or (more likely) doesn't want the movement to gain traction, so they're misrepresenting it.

But I think the movement is working. The establishment is worried.

The Republicans, fearful of losing their voting base to a movement they can't control, have been claiming the movement is funded by the right-wing's favorite whipping boy, George Soros. That's nonsense. Soros is a currency speculator and hedge fund manager. He became a multi-billionaire through manipulating money, which is exactly the sort of behavior the Occupy Wall Street crowd is against. The Democrats have been quick to jump on board by announcing their "support" through the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, and MoveOn.org, an organization that advocates for Democrats. Of course, they waited until the movement started gaining traction before jumping on board, naturally. But while there's a definite leftist element to the protest, there's also a significant conservative vibe as well, such as protesters calling for an end to the Fed. And there's also been a strong sense of dissatisfaction with Obama among the protesters.

But more importantly, the movement isn't tied to a party. It's a people's movement. It started more or less spontaneously, and no one person or group controls it. It's real democracy in action.

So what will this movement accomplish? Time will tell. The whole thing is incredibly complicated, with so many facets, that I often find myself confused about the goals of this movement, even though I spend a lot of time following it. But that's to be expected. Real democracy is messy and complicated.

Think about it. If I had a singular agenda, I could clearly state what I wanted. But this movement is way more than one person or group's agenda. This is a movement with a whole lot of different agendas. Even so, everyone is angry, and the source of the anger is the criminal behavior of a small segment of the population. We are the 99% (and I imagine so is anyone who's reading this), and we've all been screwed over by the top 1%. Now we're pissed. Is that so hard to understand?

So what should we do? I say go big. Occupy Wall Street has created a whole new micro society in a park on Wall Street. Maybe we can learn from them. And there's a list of demands some of the Wall Street occupants have proposed. Beyond that? Hell if I know.

But that's the whole point. This isn't my movement--it's a people's movement. Look, I hate hierarchies. So I'm not going to be that guy who says, "We should do [whatever]." Let the people decide, I say. There are lots of great ideas out there.

Am I being wishy-washy? Perhaps. But this is a dynamic and unpredictable time, and things are happening that are unlike anything else in history. So who knows what the future has in store? Not me.

But I will say it's great time to be alive. And I feel more optimistic than I have in a long time.

In Closing

I promised a chili recipe posting. It will happen. The photos have been taken and everything. Stay tuned. But in the meantime, here it is, your moment of Tucker (and Cleocatra):

Rob

Hooray for Death!

2011-09-23T17:12:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

In my last post, I mentioned that fall is here, which technically wasn't true, but I meant that it felt like fall. Well, now fall is officially here, and it's currently 82 degrees. The forecast for tomorrow calls for a high of 90.

If this were, say, Phoenix, the weather would be pretty normal. For North Idaho--mind you, we're less than 100 miles from the Canadian border--it's downright crazy. I've already talked about how the global warming deniers have been silent all summer, and I fully expect that as soon as we have the inevitable big snowstorm or cold spell this winter, they'll be quick to point out how it's "evidence" the global warming is nothing but a big scam to make Al Gore rich, and that the oil and coal companies really have our best interests at heart when they fund focus groups with the stated purpose of denying and/or downplaying global warming.

The worst thing about this weather is that we've already had a few hard overnight frosts, so most of our garden plants (including all out tomato plants) are history, even though the daytime temperatures are ideal for growing. Sigh.

Anyway, I've spent the last several blog postings yammering on about beer, which is something I obviously love to drink and blog about. But I realize not everyone cares. So today, I'm going to avoid beer talk, aside from the brief beer mention in this paragraph, which you're already past. Instead, I'm going back to my roots: politics.

Politics

Even though the 2012 presidential election is over a year away, the circus that media pundits like to call "campaign season" is in full swing, and since it's pretty much a given (though not entirely) that Obama will be the Democratic nominee, on the Republican side there's a host of idiots clamoring to do the bidding of the wealthy elite that run this country.

The candidates have already had several debates, and they've certainly said some interesting things. But I've been more interested in the crowd reactions than the meaningless catchphrases and other nonsense they try to pass off as responses to questions. At the debate earlier this month at the Reagan library in Simi Valley, Brian Williams asked George Bush wannabe Rick Perry about the death penalty. Take a look:

At the mere mention that the state of Texas has killed 234 people, more than any other state, the crowd breaks into applause. I'm not talking about a few people clapping, but widespread applause, complete with a couple of "whoos" and whistles.

As I said on Facebook at the time: regardless of your feelings are on the death penalty, it's nothing to cheer about. A person being killed, even when killed by a state, and even if the person is a really, really bad person, is still a tragedy. Every time someone is executed, someone else loses a son or daughter, or a parent, or a spouse, or a friend. And of course, the person on death row is likely there for committing murder in the first place, which adds to the overall tragedy.

But the knuckledraggers in the crowd cheered the death of 234 people a year as if their favorite football team had just scored a touchdown.

This sort of behavior reveals an incredible lack of empathy for fellow human beings, as well as an incredible lack of critical thinking. It points to a mindset in which everything in the world is black and white, and people are all either good guys, or bad guys who deserve to die. And it also shows a disturbing willingness to wholeheartedly embrace authoritarianism, where the government is never wrong in its judgement and punishment. That last one is exceptionally odd to see among self-styled "small government" Republicans.

Who decides who gets executed? Juries, which are made of people like me and you, as well as the guy down the road with the Camaro on cinder blocks in his front yard. Also, judges, who are appointed by self-serving politicians, or who themselves become politicians to get elected to their post. And don't forget the lawyers who fight over the cases. And the politicians who passed laws to permit the death penalty. Not exactly the salt of the earth.

In short: dumb people often make dumb decisions.

And let's not forget that numerous times people have been executed only to later be found innocent.

There was just a recent high-profile example in the Troy Davis case, where a number of the witnesses later recanted their testimony and said the police pressured them to testify, and some said that one of the other of the witnesses actually confessed to the murder. Some of the victim's family members even tried to prevent the execution. Despite all the doubts, Troy Davis was executed anyway, quite possibly for no good reason. That's what the people in the crowd were cheering.

At the next debate, Wolf Blitzer asked Ron Paul a question about a hypothetical person with no insurance:

When Ron Paul was asked if the person with no insurance and who couldn't afford a life-saving procedure should just die, several people in the audience shouted "Yes!"

Unreal. The people in the crowd apparently think you deserve to die if you don't buy insurance. That sure gives a lot of power to those health insurance companies, no?

Republicans hate the mandate in Obamacare, but I can't really see much of a difference between a system where you're compelled to buy private health insurance by the government, and one in which you're compelled to buy private health insurance because you might die if you don't. I guess the latter provides Republicans with the illusion of freedom, so there's that.

Here's the thing about both of these debate incidents: If you agree with the crowd reactions in either of the videos, you no longer get to call yourself "pro-life." The same goes if you support the numerous wars/bombing campaigns/occupations/drone strikes happening across the world by our government. There's nothing pro-life about any of it. And if you're cheering death, you're a sociopath.

I don't know what has happened, but I remember when death used to be considered a tragedy. Apparently, it's something to cheer about now. And the downward spiral of our country continues.

In Closing

As much as I follow politics, I've been trying to keep all things political to a minimum here, mainly because it can be downright depressing. This particular past has been especially so, at least for me, so I'll try to make my next post a bit more fun. A while back I promised a blog posting about my chili recipe, so maybe I'll do that next.

Now, here it is, your moment of Tucker:

Rob

Corporate Beer Still Sucks

2011-09-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone

Fall is here. It's not terribly cold, but the leaves are starting to fall off the trees. And the shadows are getting longer, which means the sun is working its way south. I'm not dreading winter as much as I used to back in the Oregon days, though. Instead of eight months of overcast skies and constant drizzle, we tend to get a decent amount of sun in between the snowstorms. Plus, snow is much more fun to go outside and play in than a rainstorm at 40 degrees. Although, I've been hearing rumors we're supposed to get an extra-harsh winter, one for the record books, if the Farmer's Almanac is to be believed. Also, the Idaho Transportation Department, in its "infinite wisdom," decided to suspend overnight plowing on all the major highways. Gotta pay for those tax cuts for millionaires somehow, eh?

Good thing I work at home.

Beer (and a bit of Music) Talk

I mentioned in my last post that I had recently tried a few new beers. So I figured now is a perfect time to discuss one of those, "Loser" by Seattle's Elysian Brewing Company, which commemorated the 20th Anniversary of Seattle's Sub Pop record label (even though it's about 25 years old by now).

The first thing I noticed was the generic-ish looking label, with the slogan, "Corporate Beer Still Sucks." I can get behind a slogan like that as it is, but I was also immediately transported back 20 years to my senior year in high school, when the latest edition of Rolling Stone magazine had arrived at my house (yes, I had a subscription) and featured Nirvana on the cover, complete with Kurt Cobain wearing a t-shirt with "Corporate Magazines Still Suck" scrawled across the front. The obvious irony was that one had to sift past page after page of corporate ads to get to the Nirvana article.

Anyway, this Saturday marks the 20th anniversary of the release of Nirvana's Nevermind, and Alternet has a story where the author claims it's the most important album of all time. I'm not ready to go the full Monty and agree just yet, but the author makes a damn convincing argument, and the article is a great read. Nevermind was Nirvana's first major-label album after releasing an earlier album and a few singles on the aforementioned Sub Pop, and Nirvana arguably single-handedly turned the record label from a little struggling business with some local buzz into a nationwide success, as they took a lot of credit (deservedly or not) for "discovering" Nirvana and the Seattle scene of the early 90s.

I should note that "Loser" was the name of a mid-90s hit by Beck, who, as far as I know, had no ties to Sub Pop. But I guess the sentiment was the same. In the wake of 80s bands who flaunted money and excess, the art nerds took over the music scene, at least for a few years. It was a beautiful thing.

And the parallel to beer is striking. On one hand, you have the big corporate brands whose focus is on marketing, with commercials featuring women in bikinis and other nonsense. And on the other hand, you have the small brewers who care about quality and taste. Guess who's winning? Hint: it ain't the big guys.

Anyway, on to the beer itself. After I finished amusing myself with the label, I cracked the bottle open. The first I noticed was the smell, or should I say lack thereof. It was the weirdest thing. I always smell a new beer as soon as I open a bottle, and I always smell something. But this time all I could detect was a faint odor of the bottle itself. I poured it into a glass and nothing. I stuck my nose right into the glass--to the point that I got beer on the tip of my nose--and inhaled deeply, but still, nothing. Nada. Zilch. Zip.

I thought maybe my sniffer was broken, so I passed it on to Cathy, and she agreed. Nothing. Seriously, even swill has an aroma, though not a good one. It was unreal.

With no odor, I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of taste. It turned out to be malty, though not cloying. There was somewhat of a hop bitterness, but not much, and no floral or citrusy flavor whatsoever. The finish was a bit nutty, and it left a slightly lingering bitterness on my tongue, but nothing unpleasant.

In short: It was good. Not groundbreaking, not knock-your-socks-off phenomenal, not even incredibly unique. But something I could see myself enjoying over and over, perhaps for years to come.

Kinda like Nirvana.

In Closing

Not to assign homework, but I highly recommend checking out this article in The Atlantic about college sports. It's very long, but thorough, and a fascinating read, even if you don't care about college sports.

Now here it is, your moment of ~~Tucker~~ Yak:

Rob

Beer Extravaganza (Part Two)

2011-09-19T13:01:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

First, my apologies for the lack of blog posts lately. As mentioned, I spent the past week or so housesitting in the boonies, with dial-up and generator-powered electricity. I tried getting online, even just to check my email and Facebook messages, but the connection was so ridiculously slow (45k!) that I gave up. I did make a trek into town to get online at a restaurant that had wi-fi, but I couldn't connect for some technical reason. And wouldn't you know it, by the time I realized I had already ordered food.

The good thing is I got lots of work done on my book. I had come to the conclusion that I needed to start over, and so that's what I did. I certainly wasn't an easy decision to make, as I had spent over a year on it and had written over 35,000 words, but it's the right thing to do. I'm not really changing the story, but just changing how it's told. I think my decision kinda freaked Cathy out, but then when I got back home and she read what I had so far, she said she thought it was much better and she agreed with my decision. Now, I've basically said in 10,000 words what used to take 35,000 words to say, which means the story moves a lot faster, and I've ditched a lot of the pointless bullshit. And more importantly, I feel better about the whole thing.

But now I'm ready to do some blogging!

Rob (Beer) Happenings

As mentioned, Cathy and I made a trek up to Schweitzer mountain over Labor Day weekend for their Fall Fest celebration. It wasn't officially fall when we were there, and weather-wise it still felt like the middle of summer, despite the fact that the main village sits in the mountains at around 4,700 feet. It was nice, sunny, and surprisingly warm up there, and there was a pretty good turnout for the festivities. Initially, we brought Tucker with us, but when we walked past the stage, there was a band playing. The amplified freaked him out, and he managed to somehow squirm out of his collar and run away. Fortunately, he didn't go very far, and we got him and brought him back down to the car and let him chill out in the shade in the parking lot where things were relatively quiet.

Then we went back to the festival puppy-free and tried again. The first thing I did, naturally, was stand in line to get a glass and some beer sample tickets. Unlike the Brews Fest at Silver Mountain, where you had to pay for admission that included beer samples, admission at Schweitzer's Fall Fest was free, and if you wanted beer samples you had to buy them. I thought this was a better way to go. Also, Schweitzer had lots of different options for how many samples and even the type of drinking vessel. I chose the "pint," mainly because glass because you get to keep it and this would one more to add to my collection, but also because glass is always better than plastic, which is what the mug at Silver Mountain was made of. There was a plastic mug option, which I appreciate, because for those planning on drinking a lot of beer, it's good to have a non-breakable option.

Once I got my glass, I headed to the beer tent. One thing I liked better about Silver Mountain's Brew Fest was that you could get 1/4 mug tasters, whereas at Schweitzer, my glass came with three full-glass tokens. That was enough beer for me, but I would've preferred the ability to try more of a variety than just three beers.

Deschutes "Hop in the Dark"

In the tent, I found the Deschutes table right away, and they had Hop in the Dark on tap. That's all I needed to hear to know that's what I wanted to start with. Hop in the Dark is a Cascadian Dark Ale. There's a bit of a controversy over the name for this style of beer. Lots of people call it "Black IPA," because it's dark in color but has the hoppiness of an IPA. But here's the issue with that: IPA stands for India Pale Ale, and it's rather stupid to call something both "Black" and "Pale," no? I've also seen it referred to as "India Black Ale" or "India Dark Ale." Aside from the fact that "IBA" and "IDA" sound too much like "IPA," which would be confusing when people are trying to order a beer in a noisy pub, this style wasn't invented in India. In fact, India has nothing to with the beer, aside from a similarity in hoppiness to the IPAs that do trace their roots to British colonization (and exploitation) of India. This style was born and bred in the good old US of A.

That's why I am going with "Cascadian Dark Ale," and why I appreciate the fact that Deschutes does the same. The "Cascadian" part of the name comes from the notion of Cascadia being a name for the Northwest. And although this style was supposedly invented in Vermont, it's definitely been popularized and embraced by the Northwest, and it tends to be brewed with a generous helping of Northwest hops. I also am a fan of the Cascadia independence movement, so long as North Idaho is included if and when it happens. I don't want to move again.

Anyway, Hop in the Dark was predictably fantastic, and it's definitely one of the better examples of this style out there. It's got a nice, smooth, thick malty flavor that's balanced by a generous helping of floral, citrusy Northwest hops. Good stuff.

Rogue "Dead Guy Ale"

Speaking of the Northwest, the next beer I had was Rogue Dead Guy. It's hard to categorize Dead Guy. Rogue calls it a maibock, which is a strong German lager brewed with extra hops. But Dead Guy uses ale yeast, which is fermented at room temperature, instead of lager yeast, which is fermented at lower temperatures and is what maibocks use. To confuse things even more, Rogue calls it "Dead Guy Ale."

Whatever it is, it's good. The problem with Rogue is that it's way too expensive. Their beer is good, but I don't know why they insist on charging way more than everyone else. Even in Oregon, where Rogue is located, it still costs way more than Deschutes, Ninkasi, Bridgeport, Full Sail, and other similarly-sized Oregon breweries. I don't get it. It's probably one of those things where they figure if they charge more, people will assume it's because it's much better. But it's not. I mean, don't get me wrong--their beer is good to excellent. But so is the beer from those other breweries, which are 2/3 the price.

Anyway, since all the beer essentially cost the same here, I went with the Dead Guy. I'm still always surprised when I see it in a glass instead of a bottle of how light in color it is, because it tastes like a much darker beer. I don't expect it to be black or even brown, but maybe a dark amber in color. Nope. It's pretty light. Fortunately, it doesn't taste that way.

Northern Lights "Chocolate Dunkel"

I was down to my last beer at this point, and Cathy had mentioned that she noticed Northern Lights had their Chocolate Dunkel on tap, which is something she'd enjoyed up at Silver Mountain. Being the great husband I am, I spent my last beer token on this beer, just so I could share it with her. Oh, who am I kidding? I like the beer, too.

Normally, I don't go for sweet, dessert-ish beers like this one, but this one worked, particularly after the lingering hop bitterness in my mouth from the other two. It also made a nice "dessert" to our food, which we'd just finished, but was nothing special, and so I won't be blogging about it. To be honest, it's been over two weeks since the festival, and while I took notes about the beer, I didn't take any food notes, and I really don't remember what we ate.

Moving on.

Through all of this, there was a band playing Latin music. They were pretty decent, though the music wasn't my style. At one point in between songs, the singer said how glad they were to be "up here on Silver Mountain," which drew a few boos from the crowd until he realized what he'd said and apologized. That was amusing to watch. It was also amusing to watch the older yuppie couple make fools of themselves by salsa dancing in front of the stage while everyone was watching, though in truth I was probably a bit jealous that they were willing to make asses of themselves and not care what other people thought. Either that, or they were just oblivious of how ridiculous they looked, but then how could you not know how ridiculous two people look when they're salsa dancing?

Overlooking Lake Pend Oreille

After the dunkel, it was time to go. And we couldn't make the trip back down from the mountain without stopping and taking some photos of the unbeatable view. The view is even better from the top of the mountain, and we almost took a chairlift to the top to take some more shots, but we had a Tucker puppy waiting for us. Next time.

It's funny. I've already gone to more beer festivals up here in the less than a year I've been here than the whole ten years I was in Oregon, the land of good beers galore. And we're planning on going to another one: this time an Oktoberfest celebration in a couple of weeks. I guess when you live in Oregon, every day is a beer festival. Not so much up here. Still, it's nice to make an event out of drinking good beer. It makes it seem so much more special.

In Closing

I've got still more beer news to blog about, including tasting some new beers and trying a new brewery. I also made my "world famous"* chili yesterday and plan on posting the recipe and some photos in the near future. Plus, I feel it's time to talk politics again, since I haven't in a while, and since there's a lot to talk about. And I might even have something to say about all the crazy college sports (football) conference realignments. So stay tuned.

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker:

Rob

* Note: "world famous" only applies to Rob Dow's World, not the actual world itself

Just a Quick Note

2011-09-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone

This is just a quick note to let you know I'll be away from civilization to do some housesitting in the land of dial-up internet, no cell service, and generator-powered electricity for the next week. This means I probably won't be doing any blogging anytime soon. It's quite possible that I might hit a point where I can't stand it anymore, and decide to head into town to find some wi-fi to get online, and maybe do a blog posting. But if not, I'll be back next weekend with the Beer Extravaganza (Part Deux) post. See ya!

Rob

Beer Extravaganza (Part One)

2011-09-08T15:21:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

Whoa! How did I manage to go a week and a half without blogging? I knew it had been a while, but I didn't realize it had been that long. I guess I better get to it, then...

Rob (Beer) Happenings

Last week I brewed a batch of one of my most favoritest beer styles, the India Pale Ale (IPA). It was surprisingly the first time in the seven or so years I've been brewing that I've tried to brew an IPA. I don't know why that is. I love IPAs.

Fortunately, this attempt turned out better than some of my other attempts at brewing.

This particular batch is called "Ol' Deaths Whisper," and I picked up the ingredients in a conveniently pre-packaged bag from the Home Fermenter Center the last time I was in Eugene, OR. Their website appears to be down right now (which is why I linked to the Beer Advocate site instead), and I hope that doesn't mean they went out of business, because they have great brewing supplies at really reasonable prices.

This was a "partial-mash" recipe, and for those who don't homebrew, I'll explain what that means in a moment. But first, let me give you a quick rundown of the entire brewing process. You start with some barley grains that are soaked in water until they start to sprout and release a lot of sugar. The grain growth is then stopped by roasting, toasting, or some other method that usually involves a large oven of some sort, and this gives you malted barley.

When it's time to brew, you soak the malted barley (and sometimes other types of grains, depending on the recipe) in hot water, and basically make a tea out of it. Next, you get rid of the spent grains (you can feed it to livestock, or compost it, or even use it to make bread) and boil the tea down, adding hops to give it flavor as well as bitterness to balance the sweetness of the malt. This gives you an "unfermented beer" called wort. You let the wort cool to room temperature, and then add yeast to ferment the wort (lagers are fermented at lower temperatures).

Over the next few weeks or so, the yeast turns the sugars into alcohol and carbon dioxide. Once this is done, you now have beer, and all that's left to do is to carbonate it, either by bottling it with a little sugar for the yeast to eat and convert to more CO2, or by kegging it and adding carbonation from a tank. I used to be a bottling guy, but since we moved, we picked up a second fridge, and I'm now all about kegging. Cleaning and sanitizing one keg is immensely easier than cleaning and sanitizing three dozen or so bottles.

But making a "tea" out of ten, fifteen, or even twenty pounds of malted barley and/or other grains is no easy task to do in an average kitchen. There is all sorts of equipment out there to do this at home, but most of it is out of my budget at this point. Someday...

Anyway, this particular recipe is a "partial-mash," which is a small amount of specialty grains tailored to the recipe plus a large amount of malt extract, which is essentially a condensed version of the malted barley "tea." First, I extracted the "tea" from the specialty grains, in this case 3/4 lb. of amber crystal malt, and 1/4 lb. of Munich malt:

One thing brewing requires is a lot of water, and despite us having a well, our water quality isn't good. It won't make you sick, but it tastes disgusting. Maybe you like the taste of sulfur, but I don't. So I used a filter. The other problem is that we don't have great water pressure here, and when you combine that with a faucet-mount filter, the water comes out like a trickle. Seriously, I often pee bigger streams than this:

Once the grains steeped for their allotted time, it was time to rinse as much of the sugars out as possible, in a process called "sparging." I poured two quarts of 170 degree water over the grains:

I know the above photo doesn't show the hot water being poured over the grains, but I was brewing solo, and it's difficult enough to keep from spilling water and/or wort all over the kitchen, let alone trying to do so while also taking a photo. Just use you imagination.

Next, it was time to add the extract. This recipe was one of the few I've ever tried that called for both liquid and dry extracts. I don't have a photo of the dry extract, but just imagine a tannish-brownish colored Kool-Aid mix. Here's the liquid extract:

I don't like using the word, "liquid," to describe the extract, because it's not exactly liquid. It's somewhere between the consistency of honey and molasses, and it takes several rinsings with hot water to get all the stuff out of its container and into the brewing kettle. Meanwhile, you also have to keep stirring the kettle, because the extract you just added tends to immediately settle at the bottom of the pot instead of dissolving right away, and that inevitably leads to scorching. I've had some delicious smoked porters before, but I can't imagine a scorched beer to be any good.

Once all the extract is in the kettle, it's time to bring the whole thing to a boil, stirring frequently until all the extract dissolves. A nice foamy layer will form at the top:

Eventually, large bubbles will break through the foam, and that's when you know it's boiling. That means it's time to begin adding hops, starting with the bittering hops, in this case, one ounce of Chinooks. This recipe called for three different types of hops: Chinooks added at the beginning of the one hour boil, 1/2 ounce of Cascade hops (flavoring) added 40 minutes in, and 1/2 ounce of Columbus hops (aroma) added in the last five minutes. Each type of hops came in its own hop bag, which is basically a little pouch made of cheesecloth material to hold the hops in (and to easily remove them at the end of the boil):

After the boil, I ditched the hops and added some filtered cold water. I then covered the pot, set it in an ice water bath in the sink, and let it sit there until the wort dropped down to about 75 degrees. Then it was time to siphon it (some brew kettles have spigots, but mine does not, hence the siphoning) into the carboy, which is a glass container where the fermentation happens:

Once all the wort was siphoned into the carboy, I added more filtered water to make about five gallons total. The temperature was still a little warm, so I held off on adding the yeast. If the liquid is too hot (or too cold), the yeast will die on contact, and there won't be any fermentation, or at least not the good kind of fermentation. So while I waited for the wort to cool a little more, it began to settle and form cool-looking bands in the carboy:

Finally it was cool enough to add the yeast. I aerated (shook up) the carboy to get everything going. By the next morning, there was a lot of activity already. The bands were gone, and if you looked closely, you could see all sorts of movement inside the carboy as the yeast was gorging itself on the sugars. There was also a layer of foam at the top from the CO2 bubbling up. By about 24 hours in, the foam had built up pretty high and begun to work its way up the blow off tube, which is a tube attached to the carboy with the other end submerged in water, so the excess carbon dioxide can work its way out of the carboy, but fruit flies, bacteria, and other crap in the air can't find its way into the carboy and ruin the beer.

From then on, I just checked on it periodically, making sure the temperature stayed in the 65-75 degree range.

Here it is today, one week later:

It might be hard to tell from the photo, but there is still some fermentation going on. But it has already peaked out. The foam that went up the blow off tube has receded back into the carboy. A bunch of sediment has built up on the bottom. In a few days I'll check the levels, and if things look good, I'll probably siphon as much of the beer out as I can--leaving as much sediment behind as possible--into a secondary carboy, and then let it sit for another week or so. Then it will be time to siphon it out of the secondary and keg it. And in a week or so after that, if all has gone to plan, I'll have some delicious India Pale Ale on tap at home. Yay!

In Closing

I've got lots more beer news, including a report (with photos) from the beer tent at the Fall Fest at Schweitzer Mountain last weekend, as well as three new (to me) beers I've tried at home during the past week. But I've reached my blogging limit for the day, so you'll just have to stay tuned until next time.

Now here it is, your moment of Tucker (or what happens when Tucker jumps off the dock right after you do, and you don't realize he's doggy-paddling away in the water above you as you're coming up to the surface):

I think it's time to trim his nails.

Rob

More Book Stuff, The Abyss

2011-08-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

First things first: Here's an amazing book report of Kurt Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, written by a high school student a few days after 9/11. Click on the link and read it, now. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Now that you're back, let's get to it:

Rob Happenings

The past several days have been all about spending time with friends. We had a couple of friends from Oregon visit and stay the night with us a week ago. Then we reconnected with some old friends who live up here in Idaho last weekend. Then a couple of other Oregon friends stopped by last night. So the past week or so has been tons of fun and a great way to break up some of the monotonous solitude that's typical with rural living. Plus it was just great to see everyone.

The two friends who were here last night were among the ones I'd sent copies of the first 50 51 pages of my book to. It turned out one friend only read the first few pages (which means she's either really busy or my book is really awful), but the other managed to make it through all 50 51 pages. After some beer, a little prodding on my part, and a lot of "please don't take this the wrong way" prefacing on his part, he gave me some solid criticism. Here's what I took from the conversation:

1. My writing often reads like college composition, not fiction. This is definitely true. After all, I was a college student for five years until quite recently, and that's where I honed my writing chops, so to speak. I also tutored students in college writing composition for three and a half years, so I'm finding it tough to break the habit. But that's stuff that can be fixed when I go back and edit. On the other hand:

2. My main character (a Christ-like character) is alternately brilliant and stupid, and I need to pick one. Either he knows everything or he doesn't. If he knows everything, he doesn't grow or change throughout the book, so what's the point? If he's an idiot, he's just not believable. I tried to get around this with a cheap plot device, but I just don't think it's working. Which means I'm going to have to reconsider my main character and his motivation. That's a much tougher one to get around.

3. There are a couple scenes and secondary characters that I might need to eliminate. I envisioned them coming back later near the end of the book to tie things together, but I'm not so sure now. I'll have to think about this one.

I don't enjoy criticism (not that I know anyone who does), so it stung at first, but I needed to hear it, and I'm glad I did. This particular friend is one of the most intelligent people I know, and he's not one to blow smoke, particularly about something like this.

All this is a reminder to me that writing is hard work, and I shouldn't expect to be a pro at it right from the get-go. For a brief moment earlier today, I considered scrapping the book and doing something else. But it's too late for that, so I'll just have to fix it. What would Kurt Vonnegut do?

Beer Happenings

As mentioned above, beer was consumed last night, including a special treat, a 2007 vintage The Abyss from Deschutes Brewery out of beautiful Bend, Oregon. Like a dumbass, I forgot to take photos of the beer as we sipped it, so here's a shot I took today of the empty bottle:

The Abyss is an imperial stout brewed with licorice and molasses, with 33% aged in oak and oak bourbon barrels. I usually hate licorice, but I love beer, and this one has got to be near the top of my list of all-time favorites, if not right up there at the top. My cousin bought me a case back when it first came out in early 2008. When we were kids he must have done something horrible to me that I've since blocked from my memory, and now he's trying to atone. No one could be that cool just because. This bottle is number eleven out of the case of twelve, and if you're not a math pro, that means I'm down to one bottle of 2007 left. I might not ever drink it.

I've been keeping my Abyss stash aging in dark, cool closets or basements of various placed we've lived over the last almost-four years, and like a fine wine (except better because it's beer) The Abyss only gets better with age. Last night, I scraped away the wax coating Deschutes puts over the cap to ensure the seal and opened the bottle. After it breathed for a minute or so, the initial alcohol burn (it's 11%!) evaporated away, and in its place was thick, chocolatey, coffee-ish, sweet-but-not-too-sweet goodness. I couldn't really taste the oak or licorice flavors in this one as I had in some of the ones I'd tried that hadn't aged as long, but I didn't miss those flavors at all. It was perfect. It was like an orgasm in my mouth. Except my own orgasm. In someone else's mouth.

Anyway, if you love beer, particularly big, dark beers, you owe it to yourself to try The Abyss if you can get your hands on it.

In Closing

Here it is, your moment of Tucker, taken last March at the Oregon Coast:

Rob

Marco Rubio and I Discuss Social Security and Medicare

2011-08-25T17:24:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

I'd planned on working on my book today instead of blogging, but then I stumbled across something that I thought deserved to be blogged about. So let's get right to it...

Politics

The something worth blogging about is this quote from the junior US senator from Florida, Marco Rubio:

In case you can't see the video and don't want to click on the above link, here's the quote:

"[Social Security and Medicare] actually weakened us as a people. You see, almost forever, it was institutions in society that assumed the role of taking care of one another. If someone was sick in your family, you took care of them. If a neighbor met misfortune, you took care of them. You saved for your retirement and your future because you had to. We took these things upon ourselves in our communities, our families, and our homes, and our churches and our synagogues. But all that changed when the government began to assume those responsibilities. All of a sudden, for an increasing number of people in our nation, it was no longer necessary to worry about saving for security because that was the government’s job."

Let's dissect this one sentence at a time, shall we? It will be like Senator Rubio and I are having a nice, reasonable back-and-forth discussion:

"[Social Security and Medicare] actually weakened us as a people."

Hmm. How does one define "weaken"? According to Think Progress:

"Prior to Medicare’s enactment in 1965, 'about one-half of America’s seniors did not have hospital insurance,' 'more than one in four elderly were estimated to go without medical care due to cost concerns,' and one in three seniors were living in poverty. Today, nearly all seniors have access to affordable health care and only about 14 percent of seniors are below the poverty line."

I don't know. Maybe he's right. Maybe living in heated homes and not working has turned today's seniors into a bunch of weaklings, as opposed to the "good old days" when old people (who weren't wealthy) were tough because they were forced to work until they dropped dead, and if they could no longer work or work wasn't available, begging on the street corner out in the elements instead of relaxing indoors is what toughened them up.

"You see, almost forever, it was institutions in society that assumed the role of taking care of one another."

Aren't Social Security and Medicare "institutions in society"? "Social" and "society" even share the same root word, for crying out loud.

"If someone was sick in your family, you took care of them."

You sure did, and you still do today. That is, if you can afford to do so. If not, they're screwed. But I'm sure Marco Rubio will gladly tell you that's your fault.

"If a neighbor met misfortune, you took care of them."

How often does that really happen? I just can't see shelling out $50,000 to pay for my my neighbor's quadruple bypass surgery, even if I had enough money, though I'd probably pitch in five bucks (depending on which neighbor it was) if someone started a collection. I guess the solution is to live somewhere where you have 10,000 neighbors willing to pitch in a few bucks apiece.

"You saved for your retirement and your future because you had to."

Everyone saves for their retirement every time they work and payroll taxes are taken out of their paychecks. In addition, my wife and I contributed to a 401k until we became self-employed. Unfortunately, we lost about half of it because Wall Street and the banks tanked the economy. I suppose that's my fault, as well. I should've known back in 2005 that collaterized debt obligations were going to tank the economy, even though I'd never heard of them. Personal responsibility, and all.

But more to the point, are we really supposed to believe people don't think they need to save for their future? Perhaps the problem is not that Social Security and Medicare made people think they no longer need to save money, but that people simply don't have enough money to save, because most people aren't millionaire senators like Marco Rubio.

"We took these things upon ourselves in our communities, our families, and our homes, and our churches and our synagogues."

But if you're part of a poor (or shitty) community, family, home, church, or synagogue, then what?

"But all that changed when the government began to assume those responsibilities."

Um, the government is not assuming squat. We each pay into Social Security and Medicare. It's our money, not the government's. All the government has been doing is spending the surplus we used to have.

"All of a sudden, for an increasing number of people in our nation, it was no longer necessary to worry about saving for security because that was the government’s job."

They problem is that we don't worry enough? Great, let's get back to the "good old days" when people used to worry about how they'd support themselves when they were too old to work, or whether or not they'd be able to pay for that life-saving medical procedure.

Also, is he really trying to suggest no one worries about saving money anymore? Maybe not people like Marco Rubio, who simply forms political committees, gets big contributions from rich people and corporations, and then uses the funds to pay his personal expenses--including government-backed student loans--instead of working for a living.

I guess that's what happens when you're a puppet for the wealthy.

In closing

As long as politicians keep making asinine comments like these, you can bet I'll be back soon.

Rob

Facebook Friends and Enemies of Enemies

2011-08-24T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

I'm kinda glad the month of August is almost over. It's been in the 80s-90s every day this month, and while that might not seem too bad compared to what people in, say, Texas have been dealing with, we've had only one incredibly brief moment of rain in the past six weeks or so, when it sprinkled for all of three minutes. The rest has been nothing but sunshine. I love sunshine as much as the next person, probably even more so, but the problem is our well is beginning to dry up, and we've lost some of our garden crops as a result. It doesn't help that our neighbor waters his lawn pretty much every single day, and I'm sure he's pulling from the same aquifer we are. Thanks a lot, jackass.

I just want us to have a nice, big rainstorm for a day or two to recharge our water supply and give the plants a good drink, and then we can go back to the sunny weather. I guess I should get used to this as we continue to pump carbon into the atmosphere and the climate continues to change.

It's funny how whenever we get a big winter storm or cold-spell, you often hear inane phrases such as, "So much for global warming," but when Texas has summertime highs in the 100s for two months straight, you don't hear a peep about climate change. People can be really ignorant sometimes.

Rob Happenings

I've been on Facebook for the past five years or so, and I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with it. On one hand, it's quite a time-waster, and it was a big part of the reason I took a hiatus from this blog. I felt Facebook gave me my Internet communication/interaction fix, even though I had to sift through a bunch of crap, such as people inviting me to join them in a game I had no intention of ever playing, or people talking about things I had absolutely no interest in, such as who got voted off American Idol, or what grades their kid got in school. On the other hand, Facebook has put me in touch with old friends, some that I haven't seen since elementary school, as well as putting me in touch with new friends I've never met in person, and overall I think that's pretty cool.

One thing Facebook does is offer "friend suggestions," which, for those of you not in the know, is a list of people Facebook suggests to "friend," meaning you can follow them and they you. Most of the friend suggestions are people who share mutual friends with you. Today, I looked at my friend suggestions and was amazed at the number of people on the list who I was once friends with, which meant that they "unfriended" me at some point.

These are almost all people from high school or before, which means they're people I haven't seen in at least 20 years or so, and my only contact with them has been on Facebook, never in person. So you'd think it wouldn't bother me that these people "unfriended" me, particularly since I generally don't care what people think about me in real life. But I can't help it--it does bother me. I don't know if it's the nature of Facebook itself in that "friendships" or lack thereof are official and available for others to see, so if someone "unfriends" you, it means they made a conscious decision to do so, and it's hard to not take something like that personally. Or maybe it's just that it tends to be people I knew from high school, and so whenever I'm confronted with evidence of being "unfriended," I find myself reverting back to my high school mentality, when the most important thing in the world was to be liked and accepted, even by people I might not necessarily like.

I really don't want to care, but I can't help it. It's all very strange to me.

And those who "unfriended me" pretty much across the board held political and/or religious views that were in opposition to my leftist, anti-authoritarian, atheist views, and some even debated me about articles or comments I'd posted. On Facebook I'm pretty open about and willing to express how I see things, so I can only assume my viewpoints and my willingness to share them was ultimately their reason for "unfriending" me. I don't understand this. How weak must a person's views be in the first place if he or she can't handle being exposed to differing ones?

Of course, some people think that discussing politics or religion in a public setting is considered rude and shouldn't be done, but I think that's a bunch of crap. These are issues that affect our lives, so of course we should talk about it.

What a great segue to the next section:

Politics

According to a leaked cable, Senator John McCain promised to help Muammar Gaddafi acquire US weapons when the two met a year ago at a meeting that also included Senators Joe Lieberman, Lindsey Graham, and Susan Collins. A quote from the cable really stood out to me: "Lieberman called Libya an important ally in the war on terrorism, noting that common enemies sometimes make better friends."

Ugh. When are "our leaders" going to learn? Here's a (somewhat) brief history lesson of failed alliances based on common enemies:

During the 1950s, the people of Iran elected a guy named Mohammad Mosaddegh to be its first Prime Minister, and his government took over production of the country's oil. Up until that time the British essentially thought they had a right to pump the oil out of the ground and keep for themselves. In response to this the CIA staged a coup to overthrow the democratically-elected government and installed the Shah, a brutal dictator who imprisoned and tortured thousands of his political opponents during his almost 30 year reign. The Iranian people finally determined they'd had enough and ousted the Shah in 1979, kidnapping 52 Americans in the process.

The Reagan administration then sold weapons to the Iranians in exchange for a release of the hostages, and they then used the profits to fund the Contras in Nicaragua, who fought against the socialist Sandinistas by using tactics such as murder, rape, torture, and kidnapping. Somehow I think there are better ways to win over the "hearts and minds" of the people you're supposedly trying to liberate.

Meanwhile, despite illegally selling them weapons, the Reagan administration didn't want the Iranians to get too powerful, so they armed their neighbor to keep them in check. This neighbor? Iraq, led by a guy you may have heard of named Saddam Hussein. The two countries ended up fighting an eight-year-long war that left over a million dead. Later the US ended up fighting Iraq in two separate wars that caused another million deaths.

While all this was going on, we were nearing the end of the Cold War, thanks in part to the Soviets being stuck in a quagmire in Afghanistan. The Soviets might have had an easier time if they hadn't been fighting the CIA-trained Mujahideen, which included a guy by the name of Osama bin Laden. I wonder what happened to that guy?

Also worth mentioning: Manuel Noriega worked for the CIA until he fell out of favor with the powers that be, and they determined our military needed to invade Panama and capture him in 1989.

And of course, there's Muammar Gaddafi, who was "an important ally in the war on terrorism" until last year, and is now being ousted by rebels supported by our military, and may even be dead by the time you read this. Someone else will take his place in Libya, and if history is any indication, we'll probably end up going to war with them in a decade or two.

To the best of my knowledge, every war (or military skirmish not officially called a war) we've fought during my lifetime--and there have been plenty--has been against countries or groups we'd previously armed and/or supported, or else were directly caused by us arming and/or supporting someone. It's all because we've had politicians who believed the mantra, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend." Perhaps, a more appropriate mantra should be, "The enemy of my enemy will soon be my enemy, too."

Of course, a cynical conspiracy theorist would probably say all of this is no accident, that our government is arming our potential military rivals on purpose so we'll have to fight them later, and this is all a way to justify invading resource-rich countries and spending hundreds of billions of dollars a year on our military. I'm not ready to believe that yet, but then again, if some people are willing to kill a stranger for the $20 in their wallet, is it really a stretch to think someone might be willing to let strangers kill each other on the other side of the world to secure a billion dollar military contract?

In Closing

Let's end on a positive note. Here it is, your moment of Tucker:

Rob

Beerfest and Tucker Swims

2011-08-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone

I've got lots to talk about, including photos, so let's get right to it!

Rob Happenings

Last Friday Cathy surprised me with tickets to the Brews Fest at Silver Mountain Resort. For those of you unfamiliar with Silver Mountain, it's a ski resort in Kellogg, ID, a town east of Coeur d'Alene that sits in Silver Valley, which is carved out by the Coeur d'Alene river. Kellogg was built on mining, including silver, hence the name of both the valley and the resort, and the ski resort sits on top of the mountains to the south above the town. One of the neat things about it is that the only way up is to ride in a gondola (or hike). To the best of my knowledge you can't drive up to the top, although there must be a service road for the employees to use because we could see rental trucks behind the stage. Anyway, I'd never been to Silver Mountain before, even during the eight years I lived in North Idaho during the 90s, mainly because I never had any reason to. Whenever I went snowboarding, I always went to nearby Schweitzer, and I'd always heard Schweitzer was better, anyway. So I was kinda excited to see Silver Mountain and ride the "world's longest gondola" to the top. But let's be honest, I was really excited about the beer.

The ride to the top was what it was: a pretty uneventful 20 minute ride to the top. the views were great, but it's not like it was an amusement park ride or anything. We shared our car with another couple, and the lady seemed pretty afraid of the whole thing, especially at the section that crosses a valley pretty high in the air. I'm not a fan of heights, but it wasn't an issue for me, probably because there was glass (or plexiglass) between me and the ground below, aside from two small sliding windows on one side.

We got up to the top and stood in line to each get a mug and seven beer tickets, which were included in the price of admission to the event. Our mugs said "2005" on them, and the guy handing them out said they were "recycling." I hope he meant "getting rid of leftover unused supplies," not "reusing the same plastic mugs for six years straight." Anyway, a woman in another booth helpfully explained that one ticket was for a "taster" of beer, and that four tickets filled your mug. So naturally, using the skills I learned in college-level algebra, I assumed that one ticket meant 1/4 of a mug full. Some of the beer vendors apparently had other ideas.

I knew Ninkasi was going to be there, so I headed to their booth first. I was a little disappointed they only had Total Domination IPA and Believer Double Red on tap, two very good beers, but probably their two most common ones. But I decided to start someplace familiar before branching off into more exotic territory, and I chose a one ticket "taster" of Total Domination, while Cathy chose a "taster" of Believer. I was wearing a Ninkasi hat and a Stone brewing t-shirt for the event, and while the Ninkasi guy poured our beers, he commented on my clothes, and we chatted about good beer and Eugene, where Ninkasi is located and where until recently I was located for a decade or so. He handed us two mostly-full mugs of beer, not exactly 1/4 of a mug, not that I was complaining. I didn't try any of Cathy's Believer, but the Total Domination was predictably good, with a strong floral hop flavor and relatively clean finish, just like the other hundred or so times I've had it.

The extra-large "1/4-full" mugs seemed to be a (mostly) recurring theme. We headed over to the Deschutes tent and I sampled their Conflux No. 2, and IPA brewed with Belgian yeast. Blaugh. I realize Belgian beers and other styles brewed with Belgian yeast are all the rage these days, but I still can't get into it. The Belgian yeast flavor really turns me off, though I don't hate it as much as I used to, so maybe it's just an acquired taste thing. But the Belgian yeast and northwest hops together were just not a good combination, as they seemed to bring the worst in each other. The citrusy flavor of the northwest hops that I like so much was almost completely lost behind the pungent, sweatsock flavor of the Belgian yeast. The yeast also seemed to amplify the hop bitterness, but not in a good way. Not a fan. Fortunately, this was the smallest (although still more than 1/4-full) taster I got, so I choked it down and moved on.

Cathy and I decided were were hungry, so she volunteered to stand in line at the sole food booth they had set up (Fail) while I got us some more beer. I ended up chatting with the guys at Odell, who had 90 Shilling Scottish Ale and Myrcenary Double IPA on tap. My shirt and hat proved to be yet another conversation piece, as I ended up chatting with the Odell guys about the wonders of craft beer before they offered me a (non-ticketed) taster of each. Both were excellent. The 90 Shilling was probably the smoothest Scottish ale I've ever had, and the double malt-level of the Myrcenary provided a nice balance to the double hop level, creating a big beer that didn't really taste like a big beer. I asked for a one-ticket taster of each, and the guy handed me two almost-full mugs. Yeah.

Cathy and I found a shady section of grass to eat our food pulled pork and pulled chicken sandwiches. Until last year, I had been a strict vegetarian (well, technically pescatarian) for thirteen years, and when I decided to start eating meat again, I vowed to only do so if it was sustainably and humanely-raised. Something tells me that wasn't the case here, but by the time I came back with the beer and we made it to the head of the line, we realized the only non-meat food they had available were tiny bags of potato chips. This meant we'd either have to compromise our principles, starve, or take the gondola back down to the bottom. We opted for the former. So we choked down the crappy food (which actually didn't taste that bad), but at least we washed it down with good beer.

Next, we visited North Idaho Mountain's beer tent, and I sampled two tickets worth (which worked out to pretty much be a full mug) of their sunset red. This was a solid Irish red ale, a bit on the malty side with a slightly bitter finish, and it hit the spot. Then we headed over to Northern Lights' tent, and Cathy tried a free sample of their chocolate dunkel, which she liked so much she got three tickets-worth, even though she had planned on not drinking any more because she was going to drive us home. I ended up finishing that one for her later on.

North Idaho Mountain Sunset Red (left) and Northern Lights Chocolate Dunkel

We found another shady spot off to the side to enjoy our beers and listen to the music of the Kenny James Miller band. I'm not really into the blues, but the bass player was more than willing to funk things up on his 5-string, and after a rocky start due to technical issues, the band made up for it with long, extended jams that were more reminiscent of Widespread Panic than BB King, and so I ended up enjoying them. Also, I was on my fourth beer by this point, so I probably would've enjoyed the music regardless of the band.

Kenny James Miller Band

It was at this point that we began to worry about our dog Tucker, who was hanging out in the car at the bottom of the mountain. We had found a shady area to park, put a sun shade over the windshield, and left our tinted windows open enough so air could flow, but it was a sunny August day in the 80s, and we were beginning to feel like bad dog parents. So I polished off the red, and used the remaining four tickets at the Elysian tent to fill my mug with the exceptional Immortal IPA. Then we headed back to the gondola and down the hill.

Me with Elysian Immortal IPA and Cathy's Northern Light's Chocolate Dunkel

We didn't have to share the gondola with anyone else, which was fun, mainly because we could walk around the car and stick our heads out the window for better photos.

At the bottom, Tucker was chilling out just fine in the car. He didn't chew anything up like he's been known to do when left in the car for a while, so we rewarded him with some ball-playing time at a boat launch down the Couer d'Alene river.

"Throw the damn ball, already!"

"I can't believe you're making me beg!"

"That's what I'm talking about."

It's amazing how quickly he's gone from being scared of the water to just jumping right in. But since he's so obsessive about getting the ball, it shouldn't be a surprise.

In Closing

We have some friends from out of town coming in today, so I might not be doing much blogging for a few days while they're here. But I'll definitely be back soon.

Rob

Book Steps and Scary Rick Perry

2011-08-18T14:31:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone

Well, I had been doing a good job at blogging every two days or so, but now it looks like it's been five days since my last post. Still, it's better than over two year long hiatus I took up until recently, so there.

Rob Happenings

There's not much to report on the Rob Happenings front. I guess the biggest news is that I edited the first 50 51 pages of my book and sent it out to a few friends to look over, and maybe tell me what they think. This may not seem like a big deal, but to me it is. Only Cathy has seen what I've written up until now, so to have someone else, even friends, look over what I've been working on for over a year now is leaving me quite anxious. I haven't yet heard anything back from any of them, which means they either think it's pretty awful and aren't saying anything, or they just haven't gotten around to looking at it yet. I'm obviously hoping for the latter, and since it's only been a few days since I sent it out, that's probably the case. Plus, Cathy said she thinks it's great, but then again she's my wife, and she's supposed to be supportive and all that. So yeah, nerves.

I guess I should get used to it, though. If all goes to plan, lots of people will end up reading what I wrote, and some will no doubt hate it, and that's how it goes. As long as they pay full price for the book, I guess I won't care what they think. That's not true, of course. Any negative criticism will no doubt drive me up the wall, because that's how I am. Oh well.

I'm considering posting the first few pages of the book here, on Rob Dow's World, but it's not yet ready for public consumption at this point. A few friends, including ones with English degrees, reading it? Sure. The general public? Not quite yet. But it will probably happen soon, so stay tuned.

Politics

Unsurprisingly, Texas Governor Rick Perry has decided to run for president. A while back, I had an online conversation/debate with someone over Sarah Palin, and the guy claimed that I was "scared" of Sarah Palin. I had a hard time comprehending how that was supposed to be a compliment to Sarah Palin, but then I realized the other guy had a sports team mentality about politics. His team was the Republicans, and he wrongly assumed I had the same mentality, and that my team was the Democrats. To him, it was like a sports team drafting a good player, and the rival team being afraid of losing. I've never understood that kind of thinking. I don't give a shit which party wins--I just care about the policies they enact, and how they affect me. If anything, my team is me and my family and friends and neighbors. But I suppose in a way he was right, because the idea of a President Sarah Palin does scare the hell out of me.

I feel the same way about Rick Perry. The more I learn about this guy, the more afraid I am of the idea of him being president. I'm not sure what's worse--that 30,000 people attended his public prayer session, or that they were oblivious about being used by Perry to position himself in the media spotlight ahead of his presidential campaign announcement. Meanwhile, 100,000 people showed up in a different part of town for free school supplies for their kids (the organizers expected 25,000), because the schools weren't able to provide them thanks in part to Mr. so-called Christian's policies of cutting funding to schools and programs designed to help poor people.

I'm also disturbed about how Perry embraces the anti-science movement. Although I'm not a fan of the way this mom coached her son into asking questions, the real story here is how Perry responded, calling evolution "a theory that’s out there," despite the fact that evolution is not really a controversial subject within the scientific community, and we've even seen evolution take place in our lifetime. And yes, evolution is "just a theory," but so is gravity. In science, "theory" means "a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle or body of principles offered to explain phenomena," as opposed to everyday usage of the word, meaning "a hypothesis assumed for the sake of argument or investigation." It bothers me that I have to even explain this distinction. It should be something most people know, but that assumes we have a decent educational system, which of course we don't. See my earlier comment about cutting education funding.

Speaking of education, Perry also has pushed abstinence-only sex education on Texas school kids, despite plenty of evidence it doesn't prevent teens from having sex and doesn't cut down on teen pregnancies. When confronted with this evidence and the fact that Texas has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country, Perry refused to admit reality and insisted that it worked, to the point that people in the audience were actually laughing at him.

Perry is portrayed as some sort of fiscal genius for "creating jobs" in Texas during a recession, but if you look at the fine print, you realize that jobs he supposedly created were almost all part-time minimum wage jobs (which Texas leads the nation in) with no health benefits, and that the while the job rate is growing, the population rate is growing even faster.

And do you like never-ending war? Expect plenty of it with Rick Perry, not that the current president is much better in that regard.

Oh, and apparently he's got a complete messiah complex going on.

I could go on and on, and I just might in another post. But for now, you get the idea.

And Now, a Musical Interlude

I'm usually not into music this poppy, but I can't get this Kings of Leon song out of my head, and so now you will have it stuck in yours.

Although, am I the only one who thinks the video is a kinda country-ized ripoff of this one? Probably.

In Closing

According to blogger, I've had over 1,000 page views this past month. Of course, many of those are probably the same people, including myself, visiting this blog more than once. Although I do appreciate the comments that people have left so far, I'd love to see more. In fact, since I started blogging again, I've gotten more spam comments than real comments, and that's even including my own responses to other comments. So don't be afraid. Leave a comment. It's just not fair if I have to do all the work, no?

Rob

Photo Happenings and the Five Worst Guitar Tones in History

2011-08-13T17:03:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

In case you haven't noticed, I've been changing some things around here on my blog. I feel like I'm still getting back into the swing of things, blogging-wise, and so I have to admit this blog is a mess in terms of consistency in subject right now. That's one of the problems with having lots of interests, I guess. So far splitting topics up into their own sections seems to be working okay, although sometimes it's difficult to narrow my thoughts down to one subject. Such is life. Anyway, I might play around with changing the formatting, colors, font, etc. until something "sticks." I realize ~~all~~ both my readers are savvy enough to follow along without any trouble, so I ain't worried.

Also, Blogger changed their post editor while I was on hiatus from blogging, and while the new program seems to be intuitive and better than the old one, I'm still getting used to it, so I'll apologize in advance if the formatting looks shabby for a while. I'll be a pro at this in no time.

I've added a banner ad to the top of the page and moved the rectangular one to the bottom of each post. That way it's not annoyingly at the beginning of each post like before. Also, there are now two opportunities for people to click on them, which I hope will happen a lot, though for the record I'm not encouraging anyone to do so. As mentioned in a previous post, I'm prohibited from doing such a thing. However, I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to mention that the ads are the only way I'm going to be able to make a living at writing until I finish my book and it (hopefully) gets published. Anyway, if you don't see the ads, you're probably running something like Mozilla Firefox with AdBlockPlus, which is what I usually use to browse the internets, just like the good hypocrite I am. You should use ad blocking software on other sites, just not this one.

Rob Happenings

I decided to change the heading for this section from "Personal" to "Rob Happenings." I realize that people might not give a shit about what's going on in my life, and I respect that. The point of having a heading was to break subjects up and make it easier for people to skip on past. But calling it "Personal" wasn't very accurate because I was blogging about stuff going on in my life, but really not anything of a personal nature. This is a public blog. You'll have to do some serious digging if you want to find out about any of my skeletons.

Anyway, I had a great time yesterday at our friend Michelle's family ranch. She and her husband and kids were up visiting from Texas, and her family owns a gorgeous (and huge) ranch tucked away in a valley to the north. We spent several hours taking photos of the property and Michelle and her family, and Cathy unsurprisingly got some great shots. This was actually Cathy's third or fourth time taking photos up there over the past couple weeks. Yesterday, I managed to get lucky and shoot a few keepers, but with a piece of property that beautiful, you can basically point the camera in any direction and wind up with a great shot. Most of the time I just follow behind Cathy and do what she does. Yesterday I didn't have to.

I have to say it felt great to take photos. It's something I hadn't done in a few months, and I didn't realize how much I missed it. Anyway, we'll have some up soon at Out There Photography's website which I'll plug right here: outtherephotography.com. Do yourself a favor and check back there periodically to see the photos.

Music

The other day when I was working on my novel, I was writing a scene where I wanted to have music playing in the background. But not just any music. This music needed to have an annoyingly bad guitar tone. I thought of several songs that would fit the bill, and ultimately the one I chose to go with had less to do with the annoyance level than with other story considerations. But I thought the concept of bad guitar tones would make for a great thing to discuss here on this blog, so without further ado, here is my list of...

The Five Worst Guitar Tones in History

To be clear: I'm not talking about the song writing or musicianship of the guitar players, which are both far superior to anything I could churn out. Rather, I'm focusing on the guitar tone each used on the recording, which has nothing to do with skill or ability, but is all about taste, or lack thereof. Each of the guitarists here made the conscious decision of making their guitar tones sound the way they did, and I can only assume it's the result of too much cocaine or the encouragement of some out of touch record company executive who might have been better suited to a job selling insurance. Let's get to the list.

Dishonorable Mention: Peter Frampton, "Do You Feel Like We Do"

The guitar tone throughout the beginning and end of the song is actually kinda tasteful. The problem is Frampton busts out the stupid talk box in the middle. "Look, I can talk through my guitar! It's the same uninspired lyrics I sing over and over again throughout the song, but now it sounds like a guitar!" If I could sum up this idiotic vocal/guitar effect in just one word, it would be "gimmick." Guitar-ish sounding vocals might be an easy way to earn some quick notoriety, but by about the 378th play on the classic rock radio station, it just sounds dumb. There's a reason why no one else does it, and that's why Peter earns a dishonorable mention here.

5: Boston, "Don't Look Back"

I probably could have used any Boston song, since they all sound the same. But this is the only one I could think of by name. Guitarist Tom Scholz, who has a Master's in Mechanical Engineering from MIT, designed his own effects and amps to achieve the sound he wanted, proving taste is not something that can be taught by college professors. After Boston became famous, Scholz started his own amp and effects company until it finally went out of business during the 90s. Apparently, the elusive "let's piss off the roommate" demographic isn't big enough to sustain a company. Listening to this song actually hurts my teeth.

4: Bon Jovi, "Livin' on a Prayer"

Woah-woah-woah
Woah-woah-woah
Woah-woah-woah
Woah-wah-woah

Every time I hear Richie Sambora's guitar intro in this song, I'm immediately transported back to seventh grade. And that's not necessarily a good thing. True, there were some great things about being twelve years old, but the music definitely wasn't one of them. I never liked Bon Jovi--I was probably the only one in my whole school who didn't--but I couldn't escape hearing this song and "You Give Love a Bad Name" on a seemingly hourly basis until Guns N' Roses came along two years later. It seemed everybody in my class not only had Slippery When Wet on cassette, but they carried it with them at all times. I think they must have handed out a copy to each kid at school one day. Fortunately, I was absent that day.

3: Yes, "Owner of a Lonely Heart"

Steve Howe earned a whole lot of accolades during the 1970s for his guitar work with the progressive rock band Yes. But by the 80s, Howe was gone and replaced by a guy named Trevor Rabin. I think the new guy realized he sucked compared to Howe, so he overcompensated with tons of effects. The result is a guitar intro that sounds a lot like my neighbor's leaf blower. I'm aware that "Owner of a Lonely Heart" was a big hit during the 80s, but you have to remember this was the decade that also brought us minivans, parachute pants, and Kirk Cameron.

2: Survivor, "Eye of the Tiger"

I can't listen to this song without thinking of Rocky III. Actually, I can't listen to this song at all, at least not all the way through. It's terrible. The video is even worse, but if you mute the sound, it's kinda funny. Aside from that, everything about this song is awful, the least of which is the guitar tone. It sounds like an old lady with emphysema trying to clear her throat. And that's being generous.

1: Toto, "Hold the Line"

You know, I've always wondered what it would sound like if someone took a cheese grater to my ear, and I think I have a pretty good idea now. What would prompt someone to make their guitar sound like a swarm of retarded bees? Perhaps the guitarist was trying to be as annoying as possible in order to distract from the ridiculous warbling of the singer. What a mess. But I suppose that's to be expected from a band that took its name from the dog in The Wizard of Oz. Fail.

In Closing

If you're thinking about getting me a present, here's a not-so-subtle hint:

Cheers.

Rob

Camping, Pavement, and Taxes, Oh My

2011-08-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone.

I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing on a beautiful, sunny August morning than blogging. Actually, I can think of lots of things. But here we are, so let's get started.

Personal (with a little food and beer talk thrown in)

We had a fun time camping last night. A few months ago, we picked up a huge new tent to replace our old one, which had taken quite a bit of abuse when we went on our huge, five-week long mega trip. If you click on our photo website, OutTherePhotography.com, you can read all about the trip, and, of course, take a look at some of the many photos we took along the way. Anyway, we had been excited about trying out the new tent, but most of the summer so far has been spent traveling to writing conferences, art shows, friends' graduations, etc., that we just haven't had the chance (or haven't made time) to go camping. We finally made it happen last night.

The tent was awesome. It was a clear enough night to leave the rainfly off, and because the top is almost entirely netting, we were able to look up at the stars when we went to sleep. During our mega trip last year, we did lots of camping, and so we had set ourselves up for sleeping comfort by including a queen-sized air mattress and two extra-large rectangular sleeping bags that we zipped together to make one giant bag. We didn't exactly "rough it" on our trip. Last night we used the same set up, and naturally it worked great.

But it couldn't be a camping trip without food cooked outside, preferably over a fire. In this case we cooked cheese smokies over a campfire. Back in my vegetarian days, I would've gagged over the thought of a cheese smokie (before gagging down my Tofurkey kielbasa), but I've since been converted. This was no Oscar Mayer crap, either. The smokies were locally-made from locally, sustainably, and humanely raised meat, which is the only kind of meat I'll eat.

There was also adequate beer, in this case Session Lager from Full Sail. I've been into "smaller" beers lately, and a few ice-cold lagers around a campfire after a hot August day was perfect.

Did I mention that all this took place in our backyard? Normally, we would go somewhere else for camping, preferably some place with water. But this was Tucker's first camping trip, and in the unlikely event of him freaking out and barking or whining or who knows what, we didn't want it to happen in a campground where other people would get disturbed. Of course, he seemed to have no problem with the concept of sleeping in a tent for the night. He was curled up on the air mattress ready to go for bed before we were. I guess he's saving his freak out for when we actually do go to a campground where there's lots of sleeping people nearby.

And Now, a Musical Interlude

I had a dream last night that Pavement was playing in one on the local bars up here, and I've had this song stuck in my head all day. So without further ado...

Unfair (Music and Lyrics by Pavement)

Down to Santa Rosa and over the bay
Across the grapevine to LA
We got deserts we got trees
We got the hills of Beverly
Let's burn the hills of Beverly

Walk with your credit card in the air
Swing your nunchucks like you just don't care
This is a slow, sick suckin' part of me
This is a slow, sick suckin' part of me
And when I'm sucking kisses, sour

Up to the top of Shasta gulch
To the bottom of the Tahoe Lake
Man made deltas and concrete rivers
The south takes what the north delivers
You film hack, I don't use your pay

Lost in the foothills of Mount Pine
Drinking Euro, say goodnight
to the last psychedelic band
from Sac to Northern Cal
from Sac to Northern Cal

Taylor, neighbor
You're my neighbor
And I need favors
You're my neighbor
You don't need favors
'Cause I'm your neighbor
I'm not your neighbor
You crazy street trash

Politics

An IRS report showed that almost 1,500 millionaires and billionaires paid no income tax in 2009. Why? Because our tax system allows for all sorts of loopholes, and most of these loopholes aren't available to us non-millionaires (or at least not in a way that we can avoid paying income tax altogether), because we usually don't have the ability to donate heavily to charities and don't have sizable foreign investments. This is an example of how our tax system is skewed to benefit the wealthy at the expense of the rest of us.

Other examples? Long term capital gains are taxed at a lower rate than regular income, so if you make your living from buying and selling stocks or real estate (other than your home), you pay a lower tax rate than a school teacher or firefighter.

But it's not just income tax. The Social Security Wage Base (cap) is $106,800 for 2010. This means that someone making $106,800 in 2010 will pay the same amount of Social Security tax as someone who brings in $106 million in 2010. Not the same rate--the same dollar amount: $6,621.60.

Property and sales tax tend to also be regressive. Take two hypothetical people: one who made $50,000 last year (we'll call him Jack), and the other $5 million (we'll call her Jill). Property tax is based on property value, and while it's likely Jill's property is worth more than Jack's, it's extremely unlikely that hers is worth 100 times the amount. So a lower percentage of Jill's $5 million in income goes to property tax when compared to Jack. Same with sales tax. Jill is likely to spend more than Jack, but 100 times more? Not likely. It's possible Jill spends more on gas (and thus, gas tax) than Jack, but is she using 100 times as much gas? No way. And on and on.

As I discussed previously, Congress is eliminating programs designed to help Jack rather than have Jill pay one cent more, despite the fact that across the board, Jack pays a higher percentage of his paycheck on taxes than Jill does. Congress is doing this to help pay down a debt caused by tax cuts that mostly benefited Jill, wars that people in Jack's income bracket are much more likely to fight than Jill's, and rampant unemployment caused by a financial meltdown created by people in Jill's income bracket. I don't know how it could be clearer who Congress works for. Hint: it ain't you or me.

So the next time someone claims we shouldn't tax the wealthy to pay for programs to help poor people or to pay off the debt because "we shouldn't punish job creators," remind them the wealthy are already paying next to nothing, and then ask them just where in the hell are the jobs?

In Closing

On that note, enjoy this sunny August day (assuming it's sunny and/or still August when you read this), and I will see you next time.

Rob

Home Again

2011-08-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I'm back from the Willamette Writers Conference, and I'm glad I went. I learned lots of good stuff about the craft of writing fiction. I had been writing pretty much on instinct, and that was going fine, but there's nothing like being able to step back and look at writing from a pragmatic perspective in terms of writing strong sentences, keeping the story moving while creating a setting, focusing on consistency in point-of-view, and avoiding lazy writing. A classic example of lazy writing is, "He walked angrily across the room," as opposed to, "He stomped across the room." I have lots of "walked angrily" in my manuscript, so I'll definitely be going back and making my writing tighter and more descriptive (and better) when I'm revising. I also learned that exclamation points are lazy, and that I should show exclamation with my word choices, not punctuation. My story is loaded with exclamation points, so that's another thing I'll need to work on.

I'm tempted to pepper this blog with tons of exclamation points just to get it out of my system, because blogs aren't bound by the same rules as fiction. But I think it's good to get in the habit of avoiding them in all my writing, so if you love exclamation points, this may no longer be the blog for you. And, no, that doesn't give license for smartass readers to point out in the comments every time I forget and use one, okay?

Personal

Important stuff I very recently learned: Sometimes you have teeter right on the edge of losing something to realize how important it is to you.

The above statement is as cheesy as I ever hope to get here, so if you're into that kind of crap, enjoy it while you can.

Moving on.

Politics

I shut myself off from the political world during my stay in Portland, so I can't comment on anything specific. But it's safe to say violence is happening somewhere, people are dying for no good reason, politicians are making truly outrageous and/or stupid claims, and the ultrawealthy are getting ultrawealthier. And most people feel powerless to do anything about it. Am I right?

Food

If you ever find yourself in Portland, do yourself a favor and head on down to the D Street Noshery on Division and 32nd and pick up some Bulgogi Tacos from KOI Fusion's food RV. Then sit down under the tent and wash your food down with a pint or three from Captured by Porches Brewing Company's beer bus. You'll be glad you did. I was.

I also highly recommend stopping by Genies Cafe on Division and 11th for breakfast. The chorizo scramble is all kinds of amazing.

In Closing

I'm going to wrap things up somewhat early because I'm motivated to get back to writing my book. Until we meet again!

Rob

I'm Still B-a-a-a-ck!

2011-08-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

Look, another post! Yay me!

If you're one of the very few people who peruse this blog on a semi-regular basis, you may have noticed some changes recently. Aside from the fact that there have actually been new posts recently, I've also changed/updated the links to the right of your screen. But the biggest change is I'm now featuring ads. Yes, I've become a capitalist pig.

Actually, that's not true. I simply prefer eating to starving, so since the book I'm working on is nowhere near being ready for publishing at this time, well, like I said, I prefer eating to starving. But for those of you who really hate those ads, I'd be glad to remove them if you're willing to just send me money instead. And by send money, I mean real money, not some Nigerian bogus email scam, either.

The ad thing is interesting, though. It's one of those things where the more times people click on them, the more chance of me getting paid by them. The thing is, I'm prohibited from encouraging you to do such a thing, which totally makes sense because that would be fraud. So under no circumstances am I encouraging you to click on those ads, okay?

Moving on.

Personal

Part of the reason I'm writing is that I'm leaving tomorrow for Portland, and the Willamette Writer's Conference. I'm not sure what my schedule will be like (most likely, very full) and what sort of internet options I'll have, but it's likely I won't post again until, at the earliest, Monday evening when I get back. I point this out so that anyone who's reading this won't get it in their head I've already given up on blogging again. No way! I'm here to stay, whether you like it or not, because this is fun!

On a side note, to any tweakers who might be reading this and considering stealing our stuff while I'm gone, Cathy will still be here watching the house. And if that's not enough, our cute little guard dog, Tucker (pictured to the left) will be here, and if you get out of line, he'll bark and maybe lick you to death. So stay away!

Tucker came to live with us last December, and it seems like he's been a part of our household forever. Dogs rule!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the conference. It should be really informative and lots of fun.

Politics

The more I read about the "debt ceiling" deal, the more disappointed I am, though I can't say I'm surprised. If you haven't been following it, this Mother Jones article spells it out way better than I could or would care to do, even if I had all the free time in the world. But it basically boils down to this: our government requires a certain amount of money for all the things it does, and it gets that money through revenue, usually in the form of taxes. The taxes are paid by individuals who make a profit when they work (or if they own "investments" that pay off dividends, or if they sell them for a profit, etc.), as well as by corporations when they make profit from sales. The thing is, about 90% of all the revenue comes from individual taxes from working: either income or payroll, and about only 4% comes from businesses (the remaining 6% is ad valorem, which can be either personal or business). The reason why so little comes from businesses is because there are so many tax loopholes available to corporations.

The point is that the vast majority of money the government takes in to run itself comes from people working. And guess what? The unemployment rate has been the highest it has been since the Great Depression. Why is that? Well, let's take a history trip, shall we?

There was a time, not too long ago, when banks used to just lend people money to buy things, such as houses. The bank would hold the deed on the house until it was paid off, and that's how they made profit. It was a decent deal: the bank made money, and people were able to buy things without having to come up with a bunch of cash up front. But at some point the banks decided that wasn't enough anymore. So they lobbied Congress for deregulation, and soon they were able to keep merging until they were bigger and bigger, and there were fewer and fewer of them. But that still wasn't enough. So they decided they'd rather just sell their mortgages to investment firms, which paid off less, but gave them cash much sooner. This meant that they could lend to more often, and they would make more and more profit. They even wanted to loan to people who really couldn't afford to buy houses, so they created a ~~scam~~ program called a sub-prime mortgage, where at first the payments would be significantly lower, but then after a couple years the payments would go up, and this usually happened after the bank had sold the mortgage to some ~~sucker~~ investor down the line. The banks and mortgage companies became really good at hiding the higher payment amount in a bunch of legalese on the mortgage forms, and they often trained their mortgage officers to focus on the lower payment amount and downplay the later higher amount, sometimes to the point of engaging in fraud.

It used to be that banks didn't want to make loans that people might not be able to pay them off, because they'd lose money. But now that they were passing the mortgages on to someone else, it wasn't their problem, right?

But that became a problem as well because people generally aren't big on investing in risky mortgages. So some dipshits on Wall Street created a ~~scam~~ program that used a lot of fancy numbers and was really complicated, and it basically allowed them to take a bunch of those risky investments and slice them and dice them and bundle them with a few token good ones, and then give the whole thing a safe rating. Then they were able to sell the risky mortgages to people and to organizations as a "can't miss investment." Guess what pensions for cops, firefighters, and teachers all over the country ended up tied up in?

When the bottom inevitably fell out, as it did in 2007, the market crashed, and the banks supposedly had no more money to lend businesses. This meant rampant unemployment.

But don't worry! Congress gave those same scam artists hundreds of billions of our tax dollars after they ~~extorted~~ asked for it, and now Wall Street and the banks are doing just fine! Granted, unemployment is still rampant, and people are getting foreclosed on like crazy, even people who don't owe money on their homes? Not Wall Street or the banks' problem!

Anyway, because of all this tons of people aren't working, and this means less people are paying taxes, which means the government is taking in less money and has to borrow more to keep things running as they are. Congress every so often votes on the "debt ceiling," or how much the government is allowed to borrow.

Well, so recently it was time to vote on another increase. But some of the bipartisan ~~morons~~ geniuses in Washington wanted to make some changes to ensure they wouldn't have to vote on this again. So what did they decide to do?

Raise taxes on millionaires and the Wall Street fraudsters who were responsible for the mess we're in?
Make cuts to the military and/or insist we end the endless, pointless wars we're fighting (what are we up to, now, 5 countries? 6?)?
Do away with subsidies to corporations such as oil companies and go after corporate tax cheats?
Some combination of the above?
Cut funding for graduate school financial aid and form a super-secret committee to chop away at popular programs designed to help poor people?

If you answered 1, 2, 3, or 4, congratulations on being reasonable, but you're wrong. In fact, our government's so-called "spending crisis" was so out of control, Congress decided to remedy this by increasing military spending by $50 billion.

See, it's only a "spending crisis" if it goes toward programs designed to help poor people.

If you've been paying attention recently, you shouldn't be surprised about any of this. But you should be pissed off.

In Closing

As I noted earlier, I likely won't be blogging until sometime next week. See you then!

Rob

I'm B-a-a-a-ck!

2011-08-01T12:10:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone!

Yes, I'm pulling this blog out of the mothballs. I'm not sure if anyone follows this anymore, but that wasn't really the point when I started doing this in the first place, so if I'm merely writing to myself, that will just have to do.

So it's been a long time, no? Let's bring you up to speed on what's been happening. In the interest of making this blog more accessible, I'm going to start subdividing it into sections such as "Personal", "Political", etc. That way you can feel free to skip on past stuff you might not be interested in.

Personal

Well, a lot has changed over the past two and a half years, and to be honest I had to go back and look to see what was going on when I last left off. I suppose I should start by explaining why I stopped blogging, but I don't really have a good reason. I just wasn't into it, I guess. And at first, it was no big deal--I just hadn't blogged for a while, but then weeks turned into months, and the idea of starting up again turned into a big ordeal (at least in my mind), so it just didn't happen. But I never stopped writing. More on that later. But then I realized I missed blogging, so I just figured I'd start up again, and I think it's going quite well so far, if I do say so myself.

So when we last left off, we were still in the Noughties (not counting the quick plug for Out There Photography), and I had just returned from a fun-filled trip to Maui and was convinced I caught the swine flu (remember that?), but it turned out I just had a regular old flu. I had also promised a big post about our trip, but this is where I'm going to have to officially break my promise. It's not that I don't want to talk about it--it's just that it's been almost two and a half years! I just don't remember all the details. But I can summarize it thusly: We flew to Maui. We stayed in a nice condo a short block from the ocean. We played in the water a lot. We went snorkeling. We drove the "Road to Hana" and explored the wet side of the island. We visited the Maui Brewing Company's pub and tried some of their delicious coconut porter. We had fun. What more do you need to know?

Moving on. So. A few weeks after we got back from Hawaii, our landlords decided to drop a bombshell and tell us they were going to renovate our place, so we needed to be out in 30 days. We had been living there for three years, and had no idea this was going to happen. Ah, the fun of being a renter. Anyway, we scrambled and found a place that seemed great at first: it was right in town so it was within walking distance of both Cathy's work and mine (at least mine for a while--more on that later), and close to a whole lot. Well, it turns out "close to stuff" has a few drawbacks when that stuff includes a homeless shelter/clinic and a university. We stayed there for about eight months (and accumulated lots of stories, which I'll share here in the future) before finding another place, this time still in a good location but farther away from drunken frat boys and homeless people.

Just to be clear: I'm not dissing homeless people. Most of the ones we encountered were no different from people who sleep indoors on a regular basis. But some of them were different, in a mentally ill way. So whenever we'd encounter a homeless person (which was often), we were never quite sure whether or not the person would be mentally ill, and thus unpredictable and possibly dangerous, and so that uncertainty was naturally a huge stress factor for us. When you can't relax in your own home, when you're not sure if the noise outside is someone digging through your recycling for bottles and cans to redeem or someone trying to figure out a way into your house, it's time to move.

So we did. And that place was good for a while, but then life happened, and we moved to Idaho, and that's where we're at now. More on that later.

Back to Eugene. I got a job at Lane Community College doing academic advising. I had been working there in various positions since 2005, and I became a student there in 2004, so it seemed more like a new position than a new job. The new position was great for a while. I loved the people in the department I worked for, and they treated me really well. I enjoyed working with the students, and I truly felt as if I was making a difference. People would come to me because they needed help, and I was usually able to help them, and when I couldn't, I could usually point them in the right direction. It was incredibly rewarding.

But it was also incredibly exhausting. My whole job was based on the concept of giving: I was giving advice, giving encouragement, giving information, and it often left me feeling drained at the end of the day. Add to that the fact that we were chronically understaffed--as is any publicly-funded institution these days--and students would have to sometimes wait hours to see me, which often pissed them off to no end (not that I blame them), so I sometimes felt like I was in a pressure-cooker. And I interacted with people all day long, to the point that I sometimes found myself hating being around people, even people I really liked.

But as I said, it was incredibly rewarding, so on balance I didn't really mind the negative aspects of the job itself. The problem was that it was part-time work, which meant no health insurance and pay that wasn't enough to support us. For a while that wasn't much of an issue, though, because Cathy's job had great insurance and paid enough that she could almost singlehandedly support us. However, she hated her job for a variety of reasons that I won't get into on a public blog, but because my job was part-time, with no health insurance, she felt obligated to continue on in a job she hated. And that sucked.

One bonus about my job being part-time was that it allowed me time to write, and although I wasn't writing for this blog, I did start work on a novel, which I'm still working on today. More on that later, as well.

Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, life happened, and Cathy's father passed away unexpectedly. He was the sole caregiver for Cathy's mom, who has dementia, and I'm sure the incredible amount stress of caring for her is what caused his heart attack. Apparently, this sort of thing is quite common. People who have dementia often outlive their partners, because the stress of caring for them is so debilitating. I've come to have an incredible amount of respect for anyone who works as a caregiver, especially the ones that work at the facility Cathy's mom is at. I know I couldn't do it.

So to make a long story short, Cathy quit her stupid job, and then we took a five week long trip around the southern part of the country (one of the perks of working part-time is you can take five weeks off, unpaid, of course), and did some soul-searching. When we came back to Oregon, we decided we didn't want to what we were doing anymore, so we packed up our stuff and headed up to North Idaho. The idea was we would use this opportunity to follow our dreams and shit like that. Cathy is doing the Out There Photography gig (with my help), and I'm doing the writing thing (with her help).

It's definitely a change of pace. Here we have a nice house on ten acres that Cathy grew up on, and we're near Cathy's mom, and all that good stuff. Cathy and I first met when we were both living and working in Sandpoint in North Idaho, so it's not exactly a new experience for us, but now we're about 45 minutes away from Sandpoint, and a lot more rural than before.

I've got to say that taking care of ten acres is hard work! But I like it, though. We've got a big garden, and you can't beat the taste of vegetables and herbs that you grew yourself. We just picked a couple of gallons of service berries right from our property. I hadn't ever even heard of them before we moved here, but it turns out they're pretty tasty.

On the homebrewing front, I now have a dedicated beer fridge and a kegging system, which means no more cleaning bottles!

And as I said, I'm writing a novel. I've tried writing before, and it was hard to keep it going. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to write a book while I was in school. But now I'm doing it for real, and it's going well. I've got about 30,000 words written, or 90 pages of MS Word in double spaced, 12 pt font, and the ideas keep coming, so yay me! I know how the story is going to end, and I have a pretty good idea of what's going to lead up to the end, so it's just a matter of getting it down on e-paper now. When I come across something interesting, I usually find myself wondering how I could incorporate it into the book. It's a different sort of state of mind for me...

But I've become a fan of self-sufficiency, and that's a lot of what this move represents. And it's hard to leave family and friends, but we still see them from time to time, and we have other family as well as old and new friends up here. And of course we stay in touch on the innerwebs.

I'm rambling as I sometimes do. But isn't that what blogging is all about?

Anyway, that's the gist of the personal stuff. There's still a lot of blanks to be filled in, but that will probably happen in future blog postings.

Political

I kinda used up all my writing fuel in the personal section (in my defense, I was covering two and a half event-filled years), so this will be brief. I will say that the whole "debt ceiling debate" was an absolute farce. It's just another manufactured crisis to justify dismantling programs designed to help the poor and middle-class. When these programs inevitably go away, it will be interesting to see what happens. I'm afraid we're in for a rough ride in the near future, which is why I've been big on the whole self-sufficiency thing lately.

In Closing

Well, this has been fun. I just might have to do it again soon. In the meantime, I plan on cleaning up the blog a bit over the next few weeks, adjusting some of the links, getting rid of old/broken ones and replacing them with new ones, and maybe changing the colors and/or style. Or maybe I'll just leave it as is. Who knows?

Anyway, see you again soon!

Rob

Out There Photography

2010-08-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

In the unlikely event that someone still reads this blog, I encourage you to check out http://www.OutTherePhotography.com/, the website for Out There Photography, a new business adventure that Cathy and I have recently embarked on. There you will find plenty of photographs and photographical goodness, updated way more often than this site (which admittedly isn't saying much). I haven't given up completely on this blog--I just can't quit you, Rob Dow's World--so there may very well be a few more posts in the future, just for old time's sake.

But if Out There Photography's website isn't interesting enough for you, I have (at last count) 78 spam messages in the comments of past posts, so there's plenty of reading material to keep you satisfied if you just scroll down and look for it. In fact, you could say this here blog post is spam for our business website. Isn't capitalism great?

Rob

Maui Wowee: Part 1.5

2009-05-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

Earlier, I sent an email lately to a friend who had emailed me asking (among other things) when I was going to finish the Maui blog post. In order to keep you, the viewer, abreast of the situation, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone (what a grisly saying) and reproduce my comments here:

I've been making an effort lately to be more active now that I'm not in school. It's been really good for me (and Cathy, too, since we've been doing lots of stuff together). This weekend, the two of us went to the coast on Saturday (my Subaru didn't break down), and I played music with my friend Silver on Sunday, which was the first time I've played music with another person in over two years, and the second time in over five. It's been great because I've been feeling much better (I was in a bit of a rut after finishing school) physically, spiritually, and emotionally than I have in a long, long time. The downfall, however, is that I now spend much less time sitting at the computer, and thus, less time blogging about vacations and such. (As a side note, I'm also less grumpy, so now I feel less of a need to gripe on my blog.) Also, Cathy took about 700 photos (no exaggeration) on the Maui trip, and I'm not thrilled about the prospect of sorting them out to find the best ones to post. It's a somewhat slow, convoluted process to post them on Blogger, so I don't want to post lots and lots of them, but then choosing the best ones sounds more like a chore than fun at this point. I was hoping Cathy would pick her favorites, but then that would be pretty unfair of me to expect seeing as how she works full-time and I don't. Having said all that, I plan on finishing the Maui blog posting--complete with photos--at some point very soon, though, particularly since we're going to Sasquatch this weekend, and I'll need to finish the Maui blog before I can blog about Sasquatch. And thank you for being one of the handful of people who cares about my blog.

See ya soon!

Rob

Maui Wowee: Part One

2009-05-02T17:32:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

Sorry about the delay, but I have legitimately been out of commission for the past ~~three or four~~ five or six days. I even went to see the doctor to make sure I didn't have the Swine Flu, or, rather, H1N1 Influenza A, because I had all the symptoms except for a fever (which I wasn't even sure about since we don't have a thermometer). But I didn't have a fever, which meant no ~~Swine Flu~~ H1N1 Influenza A or any influenza for that matter. Here's a photo of me in the waiting room complete with a mask to protect everyone else in case I had Captain Trips:

BTW, here's a handy dandy test you can take to find out if you have ~~Swine Flu~~ H1N1 Influenza A.

Some of you might think I overreacted by going to the doctor, but after listening to these two women on my flight from Seattle to Portland talking about their trip to Cancun, I wasn't taking any chances. Besides, I got a free mask!

Not having ~~Swine Flu~~ H1N1 Influenza A is all fine and dandy, but several days later I still feel like crap. In fact, the last time I was this sick was after the Christmas/New Year's trip to Idaho in 2005-06 when we decided to fly from Portland to Spokane and back instead of driving. Both Cathy and I felt like we were on our respective deathbeds after that trip. I guess that's what happens when you cram a whole bunch of people into a small space and have them breathe each other's air. If one of the passengers is sick, those germs get to go hog wild. Add this to my list of reasons I hate flying, which includes, in no particular order: tight, cramped spaces that all but put passengers into the same stress positions as the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay; annoying flight attendants that wake you by announcing over the loudspeaker that they now accept debit cards to purchase their crappy food and then wake you just to ask if you want a beverage--as if that's exactly what sleeping people want; screaming children and snoring adults; people sitting near you who won't shut up about the least interesting topics possible, such as which CSI is the best; and, of course, good old TSA searches (more on that later).

Speaking of which, if they're going to go through all the trouble of "protecting our safety" by making everyone take his or her shoes off and by banning more than 3 ounces of liquid toiletries on the flight, why not just have a bunch of doctors there to check everyone for sickness? If you're sick and contagious, you don't fly. Not only would it protect everyone who isn't sick (like me before my flight), but it would also give everyone a free medical checkup. Of course, that would probably go against a person's Constitutional rights to spread disease as far and wide as possible. However, our Fourth Amendment protection against unreasonable search and seizure apparently doesn't apply if we want to fly on an airline.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. This post is supposed to be about our fantastic Maui trip, so here goes!

Since we were flying out of Portland early Saturday morning, we decided to head up there Friday night and get a room. Some of the motels near the airport have a deal where if you stay a night, you can park in their lot for up to ten days for free. Since a week's worth of parking at the airport costs almost as much as a room, we went this route, just like we did when we went to Alaska last September.

Anyway, we got up at the ungodly hour of 3 am Saturday morning (actually, Cathy did, but I slept in for another half hour or so while she showered and got ready) and caught the 4:20 shuttle to the airport! After checking in at the always-understaffed counter to get our boarding passes, we went and waited in the next line to check in our luggage.

See, PDX has the stupidest setup I've ever encountered. You wait in line at the airline counter to check in and get your boarding passes. Then, if you have luggage to check, you put it on the scale and the airline counter person puts a sticker on it so the luggage handlers know where it's going. So far so good.

But here's where it gets stupid. Instead of the counter attendant placing your luggage on the belt behind him or her and sending it to be loaded on the plane, you have to take your luggage and go wait in another line near the door to have the TSA agents scan it. Fortunately for us, there wasn't much of a line here. Then the TSA agents take your bags (along with ones from a variety of other flights and airlines) and pile them on a big flatbed cart, which, once full, gets wheeled back over to the belt behind the ticket counter and unloaded. In theory, other people behind the curtain sort out the bags as they come through all mismatched and thrown together. What an idiotic setup!

Why can't they just set up the TSA scanning station just on the other side of the curtain? In all the other airports I've checked luggage into (which admittedly hasn't been a lot, but has been a more than a couple), that's the was they do it. You just check in your luggage at the counter, and they take it away. You don't have to go stand in another line. Even in Hawaii where you have an extra line for fruit inspection, you don't have to deal with the crap you do in Portland. I guess the powerful luggage cart lobby managed to get its way at PDX!

Anyway, after the first two lines, we headed over to line number three: security! Like a dumbass, I had forgotten to pack my sandals (who needs sandals in Maui?), so I of course had to take off my hiking boots. I also had a laptop and a video camera in my backpack, so I had to take those out and seperate them as well. All told, I ended up using four of the tubs, and somehow managed to make it through with a relatively small amount of hassle.

Not so for Cathy. Sure, she was wearing sandals and had a backpack containing nothing that needed to be seperated (she knows how to travel since she often does so for work), so her trip through the metal detector went smoothly. But then she was "randomly selected" for an in-depth search. By "in-depth" I mean thorough. The TSA lady actually felt up my wife. As in touched her private parts. To any of you thinking it would be hot to watch your wife get felt up by another woman in public, I'm hear to tell you it's not, at least when the other lady is an old TSA employee wearing rubber gloves and you're at an airport at 5 am.

Of course, I can't blame the lady since it's apparenly her job to do this. But what sort of sexually-repressed bureaucrat thought up this policy? I mean, taking off shoes is bad enough, but at least that was done in response to someone supposedly trying to light a crude, homemade bomb in his shoe while on a plane. But has anyone tried to smuggle a bomb aboard an airplane in his or her private parts? Moreover, even if this has happened before, does that justify random searches in which a federal officer cops a feel? Standing there watching my wife all but get violated by this woman for doing nothing more than wanting to take a vacation, I couldn't help but notice how Soviet Union-ish this was, but with a touch of good old American sexual repression added. Do you feel safer now?

I've noticed this posting is running quite long, and we haven't even left the mainland yet. But I'm going to end it here for now and post a sequel (or two or three) in the next few days. Cathy took lots of great photos, so we still have a long way to go. Stay tuned!

Rob

A Brief Delay

2009-04-26T23:41:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I originally planned on spending today recapping my trip to Maui here on my blog, complete with a big bunch of photos taken by Cathy--including some underwater shots taken while snorkeling with her new digital waterproof camera. But since we got in last night, I've realized that at some point during the trip I caught a nasty cold. Of course, leave it to me to catch a cold in Maui of all places. Anyway, I spent the day running a few errands and mostly lying around the house trying to not feel crappy, and, as a result, my "regularly scheduled" posting will be delayed for a few days. See ya soon.

Rob

My 15 Minutes Part Deux (30 Minutes?)

2009-03-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone!

I realize it might appear as if I haven't been doing much writing lately considering the dearth of blog postings on Rob Dow's World lately, but in reality I've been writing like crazy. My latest attempt at writing a novel has been going much better than my last attempt, and I've been thoroughly immersed in the world of character developments, voice, setting, plot development, and so on. I've also been having fun with symbolism and metaphor. In a blog setting, I can just say what I want to say without any trouble. But in a novel, I have to make my characters say what I want to say while giving each character his or her own voice. After all, who wants to read a story with a bunch of characters that sound the same? Also, sometimes the point I want to make isn't particularly interesting to read, so I have to find a way to get my point across while (I hope) making the story fun and interesting to read. Anyway, this is my world these days.

In addition, I've also been enjoying reading comics. I'm not talking about comic books--what do you think I am, some kind of nerd?--but rather the newspaper funny pages kind. One of my favorites is The Doozies. The comics themselves are pretty funny, but the author also has a series of "instructional" YouTube videos in which he shows his viewers how to draw just like a big, rich, hot shot comic artist such as himself. Both the comics and the videos are worth a peek if you're interested in a chuckle.

Last Thursday's strip was fairly amusing. It used an example of the radio repair business to lament how the downfall of aging technologies in this modern era could make a man's life feel obsolete. It brilliantly discussed... well, here, see for yourself:

Clever, eh?

But what struck me as most amusing was a comment someone posted on the Gocomics site:

BonzoGal says:

I’m a little worried about Dean- his shirt seems to have been sewn shut in the front. Did he have to pawn his shirt buttons to get his radio repaired? Talk about an O. Henry story!

Suddenly, I had to take a second look at the comic. While I could see what BonzoGal was saying, I thought it didn't look so much like a sewed shirt, but rather a sewed abdomen. I started to notice other details that I hadn't previously noticed, so I made my own comment:

subtlefuge says:

He’s not wearing a shirt. That’s a scar from his appendectomy, which apparently had some complications. He also has a literal chip on his shoulder, as you can see in the second panel. And he combs his hair in the shape of a “W”.

Before too long, The Doozies author/artist himself, Tom Gammill, posted his own comment to clear up the confusion:

tgaml says:

People, people, that’s a zipper on his jacket, not a scar. And “Al’s Radio Repair” is down the street from me. Really. I don’t know how much longer it’ll be around.

I felt amused by this little exchange. The fact that a celebrity like Mr. Gammill took the time to respond to my comment, as silly as it was, made me think that he's either a pretty cool guy or someone with no life. Maybe both, who knows?

So you can imagine how I felt when I saw today's comic:

Unreal.

Rob

Fun With Babel Fish

2009-03-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I really get a lot of use out of the Babel Fish translator, which, for those who aren't familiar with it, is simply a website where you can enter text from one language, and it translates it to another. Earlier, I came across a recipe for guacamole that was surprisingly written in German. I was able to figure out what most of the ingredients were, except for something called, "zwiebel," which sounded very familiar to me, but I couldn't quite place it at the time. Had I put some thought into it, I would've no doubt figured out what it was, but I had the Internets right at my fingertips, so why put any thought into it? I used the Babel Fish translator, and the translation came up in English as "bulb." I figured that meant "onion" since I can't see using any other type of bulb such as sweet potato, jicama, or a crocus bulb for guacamole, but just to be sure, I translated "onion" from English to German, and sure enough "zwiebel" came up. I then remembered where I initially heard the word, zweibel, and it all made sense.

Anyway, I started thinking about how words can have multiple synonyms, how the same word can have multiple meanings, and how different languages have different sentence structures. So I decided to have some fun with the translator. I picked out a well-known block of text: in this case, the Pledge of Allegiance, and I decided to try translating it into one language and then translate the result from that language back into English to see what comes up. It's sort of an electronic, one person campfire game. Here's an example:

I started by copying and pasting text of the pledge into the translator, and for those who have forgotten, here it is:

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all.

Pretty catchy, eh? I then translated it from English to Spanish. Here is the result:

Prometo lealtad a la bandera de los Estados Unidos de América, y a la república la cual representa: un nación debajo de dios, indivisible, con libertad y justicia para todos.

Then I copied and pasted the above into the translator and translated is from Spanish back to English. Here's what came up:

I promise loyalty to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic which represents: a nation underneath God, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.

That's pretty close to the original. And I like the idea of a "republic which represents," yo! Let's try French:

I pawn l' allegiance with the flag of the d' United States; America, and with the Republic which it represents: a nation under God, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.

Aside from the difficulties of translating contractions, I find it interesting that "pledge" and "pawn" are apparently synonymous in French. How about another language? Let's try Italian:

Engagement the fidelity to the small flag of the United States d' America and to the Republic to which it corresponds: a nation under the God, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.

Apparently our flag shrunk in the translation. How about German?

I promise allegiance to the marking sign of the states of America and to the republic, for which she stands: a nation under the God, indivisibly, with freedom and justice for all.

"Marking sign"? What, they don't have a word in German that means "flag"? Interesting. Let's try Dutch:

I link faithfully to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic which it means: one nation under god, indivisible, with freedom and justice for all.

They don't "pledge allegiance," they "link faithfully." This is another reason why Holland/The Netherlands is the most awesome country in the world. They also have two completely different country names, and the name of their language isn't even close to either. The pot and the prostitution is pretty awesome as well, not that I'm condoning such a thing...

Moving right along, let's look at Portuguese:

I promise the allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic that represents: a nation under the god, indivisible, with freedom and justice for everything.

"Freedom and justice for everything"? Even ants? Flowers? Cars? Cookies? That's crazy! What about Russian? I bet they don't allow "freedom and justice for everything"!

I embed devotion to the flag connected [Shtatyy] Of [amerikii], and to the republic for which he stands: one nation under god, indivisible, with the liberty and the justice for all.

Apparently "states" and "America" translated to Russian but not back to English. Still, you won't see too many people trying to "embed devotion to the flag" here. Maybe in Amsterdam, but you'd have to pay to see it. Bring on the Greek:

I commit the subjugation in the flag of United States of America, and in the Democracy which it represents: a nation under the God, indivisible, with the freedom and the justice for all.

"Commit the subjugation"? At least Greeks are honest with their language. I also find it interesting that "republic" is apparently a synonym for "democracy" in Greek.

Now let's get to the non-Indo-European languages, where the sentence structures are more drastically different than English. Up first is Chinese:

I pledged that loyally to US's flag and the Republic which represents to it: Under a God's country, not separable, with all freedom and unjustness.

"Unjustness." It's bad when something translates as the exact opposite of what was originally meant. How about Japanese:

I the American flag loyalty pledge in the republic which means: 1 nations under God, impossible all freedom and justice because of division.

"I the American flag"? That's taking a pledge of allegiance a bit too far in my opinion. "Impossible all freedom and justice because of division"? Wow, that says a lot. What it says, I'm not sure. Finally, we get to Korean:

I the flag of United States of America and pledge a loyalty in the republic which means: 1 nation, there is not will not be able to divide in the providence lower part and all with freedom and the process for joins in.

There is not will not be able to make sense of this at all.

So feel free to try translating various quotes, common phrases, song lyrics, etc. to various languages and back, and then post them in the comments.

Rob

Ricky Gervais is Funny

2009-02-25T22:22:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I suppose I should be writing, but instead I've been enjoying Ricky Gervais's Animals on the YouTubes. Here it is, all eight parts of it. Enjoy it before it's removed:

There you go. Free comedic entertainment from real professionals. Just try finding that on one of those other blogs!

Rob

An Update and An Unfortunate Choice of Words

2009-02-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I apologize for not posting anything in a while, but lately I've been giving writing a novel another shot. This one is entirely different than the last attempt, though I haven't given up entirely on my first plot idea. Anyway, my hope is that I someday "get paid for this," especially since hardly anybody is hiring right now. Or at the very least, I'll simply finish something I start. And if it ever gets published, then the four or five people who read this blog can waste even more time reading the book. Or not.

But fret not, my dear readers! I'll still be posting here on a semi-regular basis, so check back often! And I'm really great at starting projects but terrible at finishing them, so who knows where this will go. But I hope I can use my blog as a way to update my progress (while not giving anything away) in order to keep myself motivated. I also might ask y'all for suggestions whenever I get stuck.

In the meantime, here's something Greg sent me a few weeks ago not long after the Super Bowl:

Of course, Roethlisberger went to Pittsburgh with the next pick and the rest, as they say, is history. As a Bills fan looking back on the 13th and 22nd picks being spent on Lee Evans and J.P. Losman, respectively, I still can't stop biting the pillow that they didn't package whatever it took to move up three spots and grab Big Ben.

Hmm.

For the moment, let's ignore the usual football-related innuendos such as these:

"He got good penetration on that one"
Wide receiver
Splitting the middle
"He's looking for the hole!"
Lining up the slot
Tight end
"He nailed his man from behind!"

Okay, maybe we won't "ignore" them. But this still begs the question: why is this guy "biting the pillow"? Does he know what "pillow biting" means?

Let's consult the Urban Dictionary, shall we?

1. pillow-biter

An exceptionally vigorous butt-pounding between men in the dorsal-ventral position, generally noteworthy for its combination of depth, force and velocity, such that the poundee is transported to an otherworldly, orally-fixated state of extreme "hurt-so-good" pleasure as to unconsciously bite down on a pillow, duvet, forearm, Jack Russel terrier, or anything else that happens to come with close proximity of his mouth.

Now, I know absolutely nothing about this Nick Bakay, but I do not think what he wrote means what he thinks it means. And while, in theory, there's nothing wrong with being a pillow-biter if that's what floats your boat, there is something noteworthy about a sports writer proclaiming to the whole world that he became one in response to the results of a football draft.

Maybe there's something more to all the innuendos and ass patting than meets the eye. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Rob

The Winningest Win of All Time!

2009-02-20T10:01:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

The search is over. I have found the Winningest Win! of All Time:

Tremendous!

Rob

I Really Know How to Drill a Hole!

2009-02-19T21:21:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

And I'm back!

My new AC adapter finally arrived yesterday. I paid extra for the two-day shipping, but it actually took five days to get here since it took me a day to realize that trying to find one in Eugene was probably an exercise in futility, and then I had to wait two extra days for the weekend so they could ship it out on Monday. It's a good thing I paid extra!

But it's here now, and that's what matters. This new one is much better than the old one, too, because it's at a 90 degree angle unlike the original. I hope the new adapter outlasts the laptop, and by that I mean that I hope my adapter lasts a long, long time, not that my laptop dies soon. That would suck for many, many reasons.

For the time being, I'm just savoring being able to get online whenever I want. It's sad and ridiculous how much I depend on the Internets. When I was without, I actually found myself watching TV to (try to) keep myself entertained.

*shudders*

Once the adapter arrived, I adjusted much more easily than when the adapter stopped working (which I didn't discover until my battery was mostly dead). I would've posted a blog yesterday, but I had dozens of emails, messages, and mandatory website readings to catch up on, which kept me busy all yesterday evening. Now I'm finally caught back up!

Earlier this evening, while Cathy was on her laptop, she started giggling in response to something she read. Of course, I had to ask her what was so funny, and she told me that she was laughing at something one of her friends on Facebook had posted. It was one of those messages in which the receiver was supposed to do something and then repost the message with the receiver's results added. In this case, the receiver was supposed to Google his or her name followed by "likes to" with the whole thing in quotation marks. The receiver would then post the most popular or the funniest results. So basically, Cathy searched "Cathy likes to" followed by "Catherine likes to" and was laughing at what came up. Unfortunately, the results were inappropriate for a family blog such as this one, but I'm sure people who really want to know can figure it out for themselves.

Naturally, I had to test this out using my name. My results were similarly inappropriate for a family blog such as this one, so here they are...

First, I Googled "Rob likes to". Here are the highlights:

Rob Likes To Get His Friends Drunk
Rob likes to go fast
Rob likes to sing
Getting nekkid? Rob likes to watch...
Rob likes to smell feet!!!!!
Rob likes to be the center of attention. Not because people are gawking at my date’s freakishly large boobs.

Not bad. But what happens when I use my given name and Google "Robert likes to"?

But because the hole needs to be really clean Robert likes to go a little bigger and use a 14-inch reamer to expand the hole.

Stop right there! I don't need to go any farther down the Google result list because nothing can top that!

Of course, I had to know more about this result. It turns out that it's an article that's posted on some construction website, and it's about drilling holes for pipes and conduit to run to homes and other buildings. The best part is it's chock-full of innuendos! Take a look:

When a hole needs to be drilled that others are having problems with, Bison gets the call.
Robert... has a real feel for drilling a hole. Although he has many secrets, a lot of his success comes down to just plain experience.
"One time a guy told me he can finesse a hole, I don't know how you do that," says Robert.
Robert says in this area he drills at about 30 feet an hour or about 10 minutes per rod... adding, "you can really mess things up if you go too fast."
Robert puts about 42 gallons a minute in the hole. Bob added, "We like to see the mud a consistency of a heavy milkshake. If it gets slushy it's too thick."
"You can squeeze fiber in a hole, but gas line is another story," says Robert.
Running large gas lines requires the use of a hole opener if the machine can't drill a large enough hole in one pass.
...they can use hole openers to ream the hole when necessary.
Bearing and seal package technology as well as pressure compensated lubrication systems... are also giving greater penetration rates.
What sets this type of split set hole opener apart is that it there is better utilization of available force which results in better performance, improving the penetration rate. One rotation of the cone provides complete bottom hole coverage.

Awesome.

Well, I hope y'all managed to survive this past week without my eighth-grade-level humor to keep you entertained. Stay tuned for more Beavis and Butthead-inspired wisecracks!

Rob

A Forced Break

2009-02-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

My laptop AC adapter died, so I won't be posting for a few days until the new one arrives. I'm clumsily posting this one by using Cathy's laptop, which I'm unfamiliar with and feels all wrong.

In the meantime, you can always click on one of the links on the right side of my blog to keep you entertained. I recommend The Sneeze, Big Fat Whale, and The Eyeballing Game. See y'all soon!

Rob

Birthdays, Anniversaries, Sesquicentennials, Bad Songs

2009-02-12T19:42:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Today is a day of happy birthdays and happy anniversaries:

Happy 200th birthday to Charles Darwin.
Happy 200th birthday to Abraham Lincoln.
Happy 100th birthday to the NAACP.

That's a pretty impressive list, and the birthdays are nice, neat round numbers. Of course, the numbers are based on Earth making complete revolutions around the sun. That means that if Earth moved slightly slower or faster, we wouldn't be discussing this now. Also, these birthdays are based on multiples of a number system that itself is based on the amount of fingers people have, so if humans had eight fingers instead of ten and we used an octal system instead of a decimal system, we also wouldn't be talking about these two people and this organization today. Sure, a cynic like me might point out how arbitrary these milestones actually are. But that's no fun, so YAY! Happy birthdays!

Also, happy 150th birthday (a couple days early) to Oregon. Saturday will mark Oregon's Sesquicentennial. When I lived in Michigan in 1987, they had this big statewide sesquicentennial celebration that included a stupid commercial in which idiots in shopping malls would try to pronounce the word "sesquicentennial," inevitably screwing it up and sounding like complete morons. What a way to promote your state, eh? "Come to Michigan and socialize with illiterate people at the mall!" I think that would've made a great slogan.

Instead, they went with, "Say Yes to Michigan!" This was also during Nancy Reagan's asinine "Just Say No" program, so as a 12-year-old I was quite confused. My confusion never went away as I got older.

Anyway, the new slogan also led to another round of commercials, this time with images of beautiful Michigan scenery juxtaposed with a horribly corny song apparently sung by the choir from the movie, Sister Act, before the nuns became famous movie stars. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:

Say yes! yes! yes!
To Michigaaaaaaaaan!

Say yes! yes! yes!
Saaaayyyyy yyyeeeeesssss!!

Catchy, eh?

Incidentally, if I keep using the word eh, it's because people from the Upper Peninsula--more commonly known as the U.P. (pronounced Da Yoopee)--were notorious for saying eh. Da Yoopers (as they were often referred to by us lowlanders) were also stereotyped as carrying many of the same dialectical traits as Canadians and Minnesotans, including saying yah or youbetcha instead of yes, and pronouncing the word "about" as aboat. Like any good stereotype, I never once met anyone from the U.P. who actually talked like that during the seven years I lived there. Nevertheless, I usually crack up whenever I see the van in Eugene with the bumper sticker that says, "Say yah to da U.P., eh!", though I'm also usually the only one in my group doing so, and the rest look at me as if I have three nostrils.

But anyway, there are no commercials for Oregon's sesquicentennial, at least not any that I've seen, not that I watch much TV. I guess that also means no cheesy songs to get stuck in my head and still remember 22 years later. Not that I'm complaining.

So happy birthday to Darwin, Lincoln, the NAACP, Oregon and my mom, whose birthday is Sunday. Crap, I better get a card out in the mail.

Oh, and since I'm discussing birthdays and anniversaries, happy ten year anniversary to Bill Clinton's being acquitted by the Senate during his impeachment trial. Ah, the good old days when the President was impeached on a technicality. The lesson to President Obama is firing judges for their politics (or lack thereof), allowing or even ordering torture, eliminating habeus corpus and due process, wiretapping phone lines without a warrant, lying to start a war, using tax dollars to fund religious groups, rolling back environmental regulations, civil rights, and civil liberties, playing guitar and celebrating John McCain's birthday while doing nothing for people dying in a flooded city, absolutely trashing the economy, racking up the biggest governmental debt not only in the history of this country but in the history of any country that has ever existed, and so on is all okay and apparently not worthy of impeachment, or even putting impeachment on the table. But don't lie about having sex during a several year long multimillion dollar witch hunt, or you might join the elite club of Clinton and Andrew Johnson (and Nixon if he hadn't quit first).

Rob

A Case of the Mondays

2009-02-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I didn't post yesterday because it was one of the worst days I've had in a long time. Seriously, I should've just stayed in bed all day. Now I know I don't usually whine about things like this on my blog--oh wait, that's exactly what I do. Well, then let the whining commence!

It started out innocently enough. I woke up on time, which is pretty easy for me to do on Mondays since I don't have to be to work until 11 am. Before I left the house at about 10:30, which gave me plenty of time to get to work on time, I looked out the window and saw a nice, beautiful, almost summer-like day. I stepped outside and thought it might even be warm enough to leave my jacket at home, but then I figured I should at least take a fleece with me just in case. So far, so good.

I made it to campus in about five minutes, which is normal since I live nearby, and I checked the east lot for a place to park. The period between 10am and 1 pm is inevitably packed at LCC, and finding a spot can be tough, but people tend to avoid the east lot because it's fairly small. However, I like it since the walk to Tutor Central is not long but passes under a bunch of cool trees, and some feral cats live along the way. Anyway, as I pulled into the lot, I had a choice between turning right or left. I decided to turn left, and as I drove forward, I noticed in my rear view mirror a car backing out behind me and a third car quickly parking in the spot. Had I simply chosen to turn the other way, that space would've been mine. It was a sign of things to come.

But at this point, I wasn't worried. It was still really early, the day was nice and sunny, and I knew I'd find another spot soon. Sure enough, I saw a woman walking away from campus and toward a car parked right in front of me. I thought about how fortunate I was. All I had to do was wait for a moment, and I'd have a great spot. I was also so early that I could take my time getting to the center, and I would have plenty of time to stop and chat if I saw someone I knew. I thought of all this as I watched the woman get to her car, place her backpack on the trunk lid, and get out her cell phone. I figured she'd just gotten a call or something, and so she'd just answer her phone while getting in the car and driving away. No problem, right?

Then she started either dialing or texting--I couldn't tell which. By this time my car had been idling in the middle of the roadway with my left turn signal blinking for at least 30 seconds. The woman was fidgeting around with her phone and standing next to her car while her backpack was still on her trunk lid.

"She sure is taking her sweet time," I thought, and I gave her at least another minute. After all, it was a nice day, and I liked the song that was playing on my CD player, and like I mentioned I was still pretty early. But eventually, I started to feel guilty about my car idling and contributing so much carbon to global warming, so I rolled down the window and asked her, "Hey, are you leaving?"

"No!"

She didn't just say the word, "No," but she said it as if I had just asked the most inane, ridiculous question she'd ever heard in her life. She also gave me a look that I thought should be reserved only for the creepy guy at the bar who propositions women with this line: "I'm a bird watcher, and I'm looking for a Big-Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?" I sheepishly looked away, turned off my blinker, and moved on.

After driving around the rest of the lot a couple times and finding nothing, I decided to try the south lot. I don't like the south lot as much as the east one because on the walk to the center there are hardly any trees, there are no feral cats, and it's usually 2-3 times longer of a walk to the center than from the east lot. I also don't like the south lot because the layout is all wrong since it's on a hill. This means there are a few long rows instead of many short ones, so if you see a person backing out of a space up ahead, the odds are that someone else will get there before you, and meanwhile a spot will open where you just were, except now you're 1/4 mile away from it.

Well, guess what happened to me? I saw plenty of spots open up, but then cars magically appeared out of nowhere to pull into them before I could get there. It's not like anyone was driving aggressively (well, anyone other than me), but the timing was just right for them and all wrong for me. Seriously, I saw at least a half dozen spots open and then be taken before I could get anywhere near them.

I finally found a spot, and it was way, way back in the southwest corner of the lot, the second-to-worst spot on campus. There literally is one other parking spot on the entire LCC campus that is farther away from Tutor Central than this one, and it was right next to mine. It was also available, but I had to draw the line somewhere.

But still, I thought, this was no big deal. "It's a nice day, and I can use the exercise," I thought as I pulled into the space. Besides, I was early, right? Wrong! Just before I turned off the key, I looked at the clock and noticed it was 10:55! I had just spent a whole 20 minutes driving around LCC parking lots to look for a place to park, and now I was almost late. I should've just taken the bus--it would've been much quicker!

Once I started my trek toward the Center Building, I noticed something strange happening around me. Car after car started leaving the campus, and within a minute or so at least a dozen spots had opened up. It was as if there was some big conspiracy à la the Truman Show, and everyone had gotten the message that I had parked and they were now free to go home. I seriously considered going back to the car and moving to a better spot, but I knew that, with the way my luck had been going, all the empty spots all just fill up before I got to them, as would my second-crappiest spot, and I'd end up parking in THE crappiest spot and being late.

Of course, along the way I saw a few people I know, people I would've really enjoyed talking with, but I had to settle for a quick wave as I hurried to get to the center on time. Amazingly, I made it.

Nothing terrible happened while I was at work, but I felt distracted all day long, and I certainly wasn't at my best. I'm not sure why, but I don't think I was the only one. Near the end of my shift, it started to get quite busy, so I stayed a few extra minutes to help out. When I finished with the student I had been working with, I looked outside and noticed it had just started hailing. Remember that nice, sunny day I had woken up to? It was now a distant memory. Summer-like, my ass!

So I trudged westward through the hailstorm to my car. Because of where I parked, I had to walk directly into the cold, wet wind instead of walking to the east lot with the wind at my back. I also had to walk 2-3 times as far as I would have if I'd been able to park at the east lot, which meant I was in the cold, wet hailstorm for 2-3 times longer than I could've been. Of course, I only had on a fleece instead of a jacket because it was such a beautiful sunny day earlier. During the walk, I wondered how I ever survived living in North Idaho and northern Michigan, but somehow I don't ever remember it being as cold as my walk across the parking lot, although I'm sure it was.

I finally reached my car, started it up, and turned on the heater. While it was warming up and I was waiting to leave, I looked out the window and saw the hailstorm stop. It had started just before I went outside, and now it stopped just after I got into my car. I wanted to cry. Instead, I went home, made some hot chocolate, wrapped a warm blanket around me, and watched television.

Later, I wondered why the universe seemed to be my enemy that day. Was it the full moon? Was it because it was a Monday? Maybe I just had a case of the Mondays.

Getting my ass kicked? That would've been the perfect way to top off the day I had.

Rob

Brewing Pics, The Truffle Shuffle, and My 200th Post!

2009-02-08T22:32:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone!

Welcome to my 200th blog posting (if you don't count my posts on other blogs, that is). Hooray! I have no big fanfare for this milestone, but that stuff is pretty overrated. Besides, I have other things to talk about!

First off, I promised photos of the beer adventure, so here goes:

Here is the wort happily boiling away on two burners on the stove. There's not a whole lot to do at this step except to just occasionally stir it and sit back and sip some beer. Hey, I can do that!

After boiling the wort for an hour, we needed to cool it off before trying to pour it into the carboy for fermentation, or else we'd have a repeat of the disaster from last week. The helpful guy at the Home Fermenter Center suggested placing the kettle into a sink full of cold water to cool it faster, and it worked quite well.

At one point, Matt took off his shoes, and I sent him to soak smelly feet in the tub because I was worried the wort might absorb some of his raunchy feet smell.

Actually, he's just washing and sanitizing the spanking new carboy. It's too tall to fit under the faucet at our kitchen sink, so we have to use the bathtub faucet. I don't know why Matt put his feet in the tub as well. Maybe he thought we were making wine.

There's the shiny new carboy. It looks just like the old one, except the bottom isn't blown out. Having a bottom that isn't blown out helps it hold liquid more easily.

Once the wort had cooled to the appropriate temperature, we transferred it to the carboy and added the yeast.

Here it is in its new home for one to three weeks. At the top is a rubber stopper with a hose that goes to a small bucket of water. The reason for this is that once the wort begins to ferment, it needs to ventilate. The yeast "eats" the sugars in the wort that was extracted from the barley and oats, and then it "pees" alcohol and "farts" carbon dioxide. I apologize for the scientific terminology in the last sentence. Anyway, the carbon dioxide is emitted as a gas, which takes up more volume than a liquid. So there has to be a way for it to escape, or else it will at least blow the lid off if not completely breaking the glass.

However, we can't just leave the wort exposed to the air since there are nasty things in the air that could ruin the beer, such as bacteria, dust, flies, etc. So with the bucket of water and the hose, the gas bubbles out through the water in the bucket, but the bad stuff can't go through the water and up the hose to get into the carboy! It's brilliant! Not that I invented the concept or anything...

Here's a shot from Saturday morning. I had decided to let the wort ferment in the spare bedroom because I could crank up the heat to 68 degrees and close the door. We might be freezing in the rest of the house, but at least the yeast is comfortable! It turned out to be a good idea because the yeast started going to work right away, as you can see from the foam in the photo. Since the photo was taken, the foam has expanded so much that it's traveled all the way up the hose to the bucket of water, and now the water is brown and smells like stale beer. But it's bubbling faster and more rapidly than any batch I've made yet, which means things are progressing nicely!

If it stops bubbling before this weekend, I might try bottling it then. If not, maybe I'll try in two weeks or so. We'll see.

* * *

Switching gears a bit, today Cathy and I ~~ran~~ walked the Truffle Shuffle. It's a two mile race to raise money for Committed Partners for Youth, which I don't know much about and quite honestly don't care much about. But at the end of the race you get a chocolate truffle, and this was an excuse to get out of the house and do something outside, so we decided to go ahead and give it a go. We had to register, and of course we were given our race numbers.

I like to post photos of myself like these in order to keep me humble. This one is exceptionally terrible. What's with the stupid head tilt? And look at how white and pasty my skin looks! I look as if I've just served 30 days in the hole!

Moving on, we walked the route, and we finished in about 42 minutes, although I think we would have finished sooner if the crowd hadn't been so huge. The first leg was exceptionally slow going because of all the people--the crowd was moving much slower than my usual walking pace--until things began to thin out. But that doesn't really matter all that much. What was important to me was that I finished, and that I didn't finish last. Fortunately there were really old people and a few people in wheelchairs, although even some of them beat me! Cathy would've definitely finished sooner as well if I hadn't been slowing her down with my craptastic knee. But she's a trooper, and so she was willing to slum it with me and the rest of the gimps bringing up the rear.

Had I been thinking, I would've taken a few shots of the race and the crowd. But sometimes I forget the obvious. Oops.

The crowd was an interesting mix, even though there were way too many kids for my taste. But a lot of people brought their dogs, so it all balanced out. There were a few people dressed like truffles, and there was one guy who ran the whole course while also, as far as I could tell, juggling those bowling pin shaped juggling things.

I also had a lot of fun hearing bits and pieces of other people's conversations as we passed each other. Here are my three favorites:

"I mean, if you're peeing fire, you should just go see the doctor."

"Just because she owns a book, that doesn't make her a witch."

"You've doomed her to a lifetime of making fun of round-headed kids."

Eugene is such a great place to overhear strange snippets of conversation. I'm considering submitting these to Overheard Everywhere.

* * *

Anyway, I want to send a hearty thank you to the three or four of you who have kept up with my blog since the beginning and have put up with all 200 of my goofy, sometimes paranoid and/or idiotic rantings. I seriously think about each of you whenever I write, and I'm glad I can share a part of me with you, even if "I'm not getting paid for this."

Let's see if you can stomach another 200...

Rob

Round Two

2009-02-06T23:45:00.001-08:00

Hello everyone!

Round two of the Oatmeal Stout beer brewing adventure happened tonight, and it seemed to go relatively smoothly. I mean, no carboys exploded, and very little wort ended up on the kitchen floor, so Mission Accomplished! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, go here to get caught up.

As it stands now, the carboy is full of wort and yeast, and the whole shebang is doing its fermentation thing in the spare bedroom. Tomorrow I'll post some photos of our adventure. But for now, I'm going to bed because I'm tired. Brewing and drinking beer takes a lot out of a person!

In the meantime, the answer to the What Is It contest is: a twig on a sewer grate. Nobody guessed correctly, so I'm keeping the grand prize for myself! Oh wait, there isn't one.

Rob

Mmm, Cereal

2009-02-05T22:35:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

As many of you know, I've been on the hunt for a career-type job that will pay enough that Cathy and I might be able to buy a house at some point. Or one that if Cathy decides she hates her job and needs to quit and try her hand at palmistry or whatever, we won't starve in the meantime. Of course, I currently have a part-time tutoring gig, which I enjoy very much, but the pay is pretty sucktastic. If money was not an issue, I'd be content to just tutor from now until I'm too old to do so, but alas, we live in a capitalistic rat race, so money is an issue. So as a result, I've added "looking for a real job" to my daily routine.

If there's one silver lining about looking for a job in this turd of an economy, it's that it doesn't take a lot of time. There is hardly anything out there right now.

When I'm searching, I often get sidetracked and look at help-wanted postings that I have absolutely no interest in doing, if only out of pure curiosity. That was the case with this little gem, that I found on craigslist tonight. I'm not sure if the typos are accidental or planned, but I'm leaning toward the latter (as a writing and grammar tutor, I sure hope so):

Audition: Casting actors for eipisodic thriller (Eugene)
Reply to: byron4321@yahoo.com
Date: 2009-02-05, 7:01PM PST

We are in need of 5 passionate Actors. Three men and two women.

2 Women: Must look between 25-30 yrs. old. Out-doorsy, athletic/active appearance. Both must strong versatile actors.

2 Men: 30-50 one's a detective, one's an attorney. Typical appearance befitting the role. Must be able to create multi-layered deep characters.

1 Man: 25-40 Mysterious cereal killer. Imposing and physically aggressive.

We are a creative troupe of perspiring filmmakers. Our latest project is an episodic psycho-thriller. Auditions will be in two weeks. Filming will begin in late March. Please send acting resume/experience and a headshot(if you have one)
You will be emailed character descriptions and sides when we receive your email. We have many projects coming in the future so those who audition and are not cast in this project may be used in other projects. Contact Byron via email. byron4321@yahoo.com

I would really love to see a film made by "perspiring filmmakers" about "cereal" killers. I hope they do well.

Rob

Win Or FAIL???

2009-02-04T22:19:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

It seems that some prankster computer wizards have been hacking into roadside electronic construction signs and changing the messages. Here's some of their handiwork:

Is this a Win! or FAIL!? I mean, it's obviously a Win! from the standpoint of humor, though I think there's room for improvement. But it's also a FAIL! in terms of the sign FAILing to warn motorists about upcoming traffic dangers. So which is it, Win! or FAIL!? I'll let you, the viewer, be the judge...
I would be remiss if I didn't give a big thanks to Greg for the link/idea! But instead, I'll just take all the credit for it.

Rob

Derek the Abstinence Clown

2009-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Apparently having sex before marriage is just like juggling machetes over someone's prone body. It's also the same as abusing tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs (but apparently prescription drugs are okay to abuse, or at least not as bad as premarital sex). Why do I say this? Well, that's because I heard it from Derek the Abstinence Clown:

And just think, this, er, clown is being paid by an organization that received $800,000 from the federal government in 2007. That means that our tax dollars are financing this clown to scare the crap out of kids instead of being honest with them. That way, when they do have sex (and most of them will), they won't bother to use protection because what's the point? Derek the Abstinence Clown told them that all sex before marriage is bad. Or some boy will get hepatitis from having unprotected anal sex with his girlfriend because she's "saving herself (her vagina) for marriage," and they don't know the dangers because all they've been taught is sex before marriage is bad.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea?

If they really want to keep kids from having sex, they should give comprehensive sex education and spend a lot of time discussing venereal diseases like they did when I was in school. Once the girls hear terminology like "thick, cottage cheese-like discharge," I guarantee they won't put out to the boys until they're at least 30. Or at least they won't put out to guys who are like I was in high school.

Rob

RIP: Music, c. Stone Age-2009

2009-02-02T23:15:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Well, it was a good run, but all things must eventually die. Thanks to the evil, greedy, capitalist bastards at Microsoft, music is now officially the latest victim of the Grim Reaper:

That's it. It's over. Microsoft's SongSmith is the final, fatal blow. Sure, it's not the only culprit. When Guitar Hero and Rock Band came out, the writing was on the wall. Actually, with hindsight we should've noticed the writing at least since Meat Loaf's first platinum album.

But now there's no point in trying to keep music alive. Because if it's not dead already, it's certainly in a persistent vegetative state, and we might as well just pull the plug and get it over. Really. Why even bother to learn to play an instrument? Why even bother writing new songs? Now all you have to do is just "sing" into a computer, and the computer will create the song for you. You don't even have to be able to carry a tune because I'm sure Microsoft has some download that will make even your godawful screeching sound like Christina Aguilera, Scott Stapp, Whitney Houston, Justin Timberlake, or whatever manufactured pop star you want to sound like. But even if that's too difficult for you, don't worry. I'm sure there's some program that will come out in the next year or so that will turn your bowel movement into a concept album. Move over, Dark Side of the Moon!

It's insanity like this that makes me think that people like Derrick Jensen have it truly figured out. It's time to head for the hills and live in a commune.

Rob

What Is It?

2009-02-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Welcome to the first annual What Is It? contest! Let's get right to the first What Is It? Can you figure out What Is It?:

$1000* goes to the first person who can correctly guess.

Rob

*Void where prohibited. Not valid outside or inside the US. Not valid in any US territories or in any of the 50 states with a vowel in its name. If eligible, the winner will be paid in Rai stones on the 30th of this month. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Disaster, AKA How Not To Brew Beer

2009-01-31T19:18:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I've calmed down a little. I'm starting to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that life does indeed go on. But I didn't feel that way less than 24 hours ago. Yesterday evening turned out to be one of the most horrific, disastrous evenings of my entire life. And while I may be able to move on and continue with my life, the scars will always be there. I will never forget.

It started innocently enough. In fact, things were going quite well until the incident. I had invited over my brother, Matt, and the two of us set out to brew a batch of "Blackbeard Oatmeal Stout" beer, using ingredients that we had picked the day before. I'm far from an expert home brewer--as you will soon see--but this recipe looked straightforward and simple enough, so I wasn't worried. Maybe I should have been.

We gathered our supplies and went to work. It started out surprisingly smoothly. We placed 1/4 pound of Dark Crystal Malt, 1/4 pound of Chocolate Malt, 1/4 pound of Roasted Barley, and 1/2 pound of Flaked Oatmeal in two quarts of water that was carefully heated to 165 degrees, and we steeped the grains for 20 minutes, just like the recipe directed us. For you novices, malt is a grain (in this case, barley) that is put in water to begin germination and then immediately dried in an oven. This brings out the sugars, which can then be drawn from the grain through steeping, and the resulting "tea" can eventually be converted to alcohol during the fermentation process. Here's what our batch looked like:

The steeping of these grains creates the basis of the beer or ale, which is called wort. Wort is essentially beer before it gets fermented. It's very sugary and sticky, and it has no alcohol yet.

After the steeping was completed, we poured the remaining liquid into the enormous five gallon boiling pot, straining out the grains. We left the spent grains in the strainer and poured another two quarts of water, this time heated to 170 degrees, over the grains and into the boiling pot, again following the directions carefully. This step is called sparging. Basically, the point is to get as many sugars out of the grains as possible. More sugars = more flavor and more potential alcohol.

Next, we added 6 1/2 pounds of Dark Malt Extract and 1 pound of Dry Dark Malt Extract to the wort. Malt extract is basically a concentrated version of the stuff we made on the stove. It's very sticky and gooey with a consistency like molasses or honey. The dry malt extract was powdery, and this was the first time I'd ever used the dry kind. We then added enough water to make about 3 gallons total, and brought the whole concoction to a boil. Both types of malt extracts dissolved easily enough, as they were supposed to, and everything was going as planned. Once the wort started to boil, we added 1 1/4 ounce of Perle Hops, which were in a small, meshed baggie, and let the whole thing boil for an hour. Among other benefits, hops give beer its unique, bitter flavor to balance out the sweetness of the grains. Despite the assertions of the assclowns at Keystone, bitter beer is not at all a bad thing. Also, practically every beer comes in a "specially-lined can." It's all just a clever marketing ploy to keep you from thinking about how crappy their beer is.

Anyway, since there isn't much to do during the hour-long boil, we sat down with Cathy and had some dinner, and we pretty much just hung out and made small-talk the whole time. Things were going exceptionally well, a little too well.

Just before the hour was up, we cleaned and sanitized the carboy. The carboy is a big, five gallon glass bottle in which the fermenting takes place. Sanitizing is the worst aspect of brewing in my opinion, but it has to be done. If there's any bacteria or anything weird in the carboy, the beer could end up tasting weird, or it could even end up going bad or not fermenting properly. So everything the beer comes in contact with after the boil has to be sanitized. Before and during the boil are not such a big deal since the boiling kills any bacteria in the mix.

Once the hour of boiling was finished, it was time to pour the wort into the carboy and wait for it to cool enough to add the yeast. We positioned the carboy on the floor, and Matt stood there carefully holding the funnel while I poured the wort. Amazingly enough, I managed to pour all 3 gallons (which was actually probably closer to 2 gallons after boiling for an hour) into the carboy without spilling a drop.

And then it happened.

I heard a sound that I had never heard before. It was somewhat like a dull, popping sound, almost like when a champagne bottle's cork pops off, but deeper and more dull sounding. It was immediately followed by a "glug, glug, glug" sound, and I watched a thick, heavy, dark brown liquid rapidly gushing out of the bottom of the carboy, spreading across the kitchen floor. I realized right away what had happened. I was supposed to put some water in the glass carboy before pouring in the wort. You remember the wort, right? The liquid I boiled on the stove for an hour? The liquid that I had let cool for all of maybe three minutes before pouring it into the glass container?

While the carboy's glass is very thick, even it can't handle the nearly-boiling wort, particularly since we had sanitized it with cool water just a few minutes prior. Here's the thing: I was supposed to put a gallon or so of cool water in the carboy or directly into the wort in the boiling pan before pouring it into the carboy. I forgot this step. It was a very, very, very crucial step, and I forgot.

I screwed up royally.

I thought of all this as I watched the wort spill all over the kitchen floor. And for the first few seconds, I actually thought, "No problem, we can still make this work!" But that only lasted a couple seconds before reality set in. I stood there realizing that three hours of work--not to mention about $80 worth of carboy and ingredients--had just gone down the drain. Except the wort hadn't really gone down the drain; it had gone all over the floor. And I stood there like a jackass holding an empty boiling pot while Cathy and Matt scrambled to gather every towel we owned to try to soak up 2-3 gallons of the sticky, gooey mess.

It went everywhere. Fortunately, we own a lot of towels for some reason. We soaked up what we could, and the we used every towel in the house, including the two outside in the cat's box. We then immediately washed the them in the washing machine, and there was enough to fill two loads. At one point, Cathy discovered that there was more wort behind the stove. So I moved the stove, which was surprisingly easy to do, and we found some back-up towels to get as much as we could of what was left. It's a good thing that there was more linoleum underneath, or the disaster would have been even more disastrous.

Believe it or not, this was taken after most of the wort was soaked up. I apologize for not having more photos, but we were fairly busy at the time!

So then we spent the next hour or so with our crappy Swiffer (that we realized after we bought it only works with Swiffer brand cleaning fluid and Swiffer brand cleaning pads) unsuccessfully trying to clean up the sticky layer the wort left on the floor. After several Swiffer sessions, we took my brother home, and what a great Friday night he had! We then went to Rite Aid--where my shoes made a sticky sound on the floor when I walked--and picked up a mop and some Pine Sol. I mopped everything twice with the Pine Sol, including under the stove, and things were still sticky when we walked on it this morning, so we had to mop yet again. There are cracks in the corner behind the stove that are probably now sealed with malt extract. I bet the ants are going to have a field day this summer.

Here's what's left of my carboy:

This photo was taken this evening. Notice how shiny our floor is now!

I spent the rest of last night drinking Black Butte Porter and generally feeling like an idiot. I do feel somewhat better now, however. I'm done wandering around the house absentmindedly saying, "That sucks!" If there's a bright side to all this, the area behind and under our stove is probably cleaner than it has been in decades. And of course, I will never again make the mistake of pouring boiling hot wort into a carboy without first diluting it.

As far as the Oatmeal Stout goes, I ain't no quitter! I'm going to try again next weekend. Stay tuned.

Rob

The Unthinkable Happened

2009-01-30T23:23:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Tonight, I made what just may have been the biggest miscalculation of my life (besides the time I saw Cops and Robbersons at the movie theater). Tonight's was a disaster of disastrous proportions, to be sure. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow.

Sorry to leave y'all hanging, but I some need time to process the enormity of what happened here in my kitchen tonight.

Rob

PS: Don't worry--nobody died or anything serious like that.

W&F: Stewart and Pounded Puppies

2009-01-28T18:02:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

My head is feeling much better than it did 24 hours ago. That sounds like if could be a Win! Speaking of which, let's bring it back!

~~Daily~~ Win and FAIL!

Win: The Daily Show

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Guantanamo Baywatch - The Final Season

Daily Show Full Episodes
Daily Show Tickets

Forget Waterboarding--Going to the Dentist Is Torture!

2009-01-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Earlier today I had planned on writing a big, fantastic posting, but then I went to the dentist (a different one than last time) and had my teeth cleaned. Now my entire head hurts and throbs so much that I'm having trouble stringing two thoughts together. I'll try to be back tomorrow.

In the meantime, here's a link to a posting I did the last time I want to the dentist, so you can deduce for yourself how I feel now. The photo in the original posting was embedded, and apparently the site it came from no longer exists. So here's another version of it (if memory serves me correctly):

And here's a photo from my visit today:

That was the guy before me. He kept on wailing and howling. What a crybaby.

Rob

The Guy Who Thinks Everyone Is Deaf

2009-01-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Billy Mays. No, I'm not talking about Willie Mays. No, not Willie Mays Hayes, nor Robert Hays. I'm talking about this ignoramus:

Anyone who watches television on a semi-regular basis has seen, or rather "heard" this blockhead screaming at the viewers to buy the latest plastic piece of crap. And if you call now, he'll throw in two additional plastic pieces of crap for only $19.95! CALL NOW!

Each time I hear him yelling and carrying on, I have an uncontrollable urge to throw a brick through my television. The only thing that's saved my TV is the fact that I don't have any bricks handy, so the worst thing that happens is that a throw pillow gets, well, thrown at the guy's stupid, yelling face.

Yet, I'm oddly fascinated by him. And it turns out I'm not the only one. Apparently, he's developed a legion of followers, and for your viewing pleasure I've compiled comments from his fans that I've found right here on the Internets...

His talent of being able to shout at a conversational level is nerve grating. -Cal

When one of Billy Mays's commercials comes on the screen I either mute the tv or change channels. I'll be glad when he has run his course! -James L Thomas

Billy Mays is the most obnoxious whining, screaming asshole on TV and he’s getting rich doing it. Shows how idiotic the citizens of this country are. -Harvey

Billy Mayes must be corrupt as the companies he advertises for. -Robert

The guy drives me BATTY! I’ve been known to dive across another person to reach the mute button! -Mike P.

What an irritating SOB! -RJ

I have an allergic reaction everytime I hear this abrasive, loud, obnoxious voice. -Helen Barak

Billy Mays is nothing more than a modern day snake oil salesman. -Paul

I initially wondered if he was hearing-impaired as that sometimes accounts for speaking so loud but apparently he is just a loud, abrasive guy. -Daura

I hope someone gets irritated enough to start some sort of “ban Billy Mays” movement. I will join in a heartbeat if it has the possibility of removing this irritant from my living room. -Roger

After much thought, over many years, I still cannot, for the life of me, understand just where Billy Mays' credibility is supposed to come from. -Dave

Why a greasy-looking loudmouth with a belligerent tone should appeal to anyone who’s looking for cleaning products mystifies me. -Smithy

I’m so sick of his screaming and mangy looking beard. -ann

I mute him as soon as I hear his voice. My concern is that I may miss a product that automatically mutes him at the first sound of his voice. That’s what I want for Christmas. -Marty R

Billy, GET LOST and take the Geico Caveman with you -Roger Williams

You sir are a sales prostitute. -Bob Marbs

The only thing worse than listening to Billy Mays is having to listen to George ‘W’. -Chuck

How many tubes of [Mighty Putty] would you need to putty Billy Mays mouth shut? That's all I want to know. -otto

Billy Mays is a knob. -eschoendorff

Not only is he widely adored, but he has also rescued Christian peace activists in Iraq. True story.

Billy Mays. A true American hero.

Rob

The Bacon Explosion: Keeping Cardiac Surgeons Everywhere in Business

2009-01-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Two things I appreciate very much are creativity and a sense of adventure. No, this isn't the start of an online dating service ad. I'm talking about food recipes.

As many of you know, I haven't eaten even a titbit of land-based animal flesh in over ten years. That means no beef, pork, chicken, turkey, venison, moose, elk, bear, yak, goose, duck, frog legs, pigeon, or any type of roadkill whatsoever, at least as far as I know, since there is always the possibility that some recipe might have called for some chicken stock or something similar in something I ate at some restaurant at some point. Who knows? The point is that I do everything reasonably possible to avoid eating land-based animal flesh.

I do, however, make an exception for fish and seafood. As Kurt Cobain said, "It's okay to eat fish/cause they don't have any feelings." This would technically make me not a vegetarian, but a "pescatarian," for those keeping score. And no, pescatarians are not people who go to that church near Home Depot, either.

The reasons for my dietary choice are varied and not something I want to get into here because invariably whenever the subject comes up, someone tries to convince me that I should eat this or I should eat that. I've never understood this. What makes people think they should try to seek out and exploit my non-existent dietary allowance loophole?

I understand the idea that if I'm doing something that's not good for me, people who care about me might try to convince me to stop. But in the case of my diet, the opposite seems to happen. When I smoked cigarettes for over 13 years, nobody gave me nearly as much of a hard time over it as people do when they find out I don't eat beef, pork, or fish. In fact, out of people I've discussed the subject with, a much greater percentage of carnivores have given me crap over not eating land animals than true vegetarians or vegans have given me over eating fish and seafood or eggs and dairy. It's the strangest thing.

Anyway, over the past ten years I've noticed that land-based animal flesh, particularly red meat, makes me somewhat nauseous whenever I smell it being cooked. Bacon is not too bad, but that's because the hickory smoke smell overpowers the scorched pork fat smell. The prospect of eating beef, pork, chicken, etc. is a bit revolting to me. I'd happily eat meat if I were starving, but I'm not, so I won't.

It wasn't always that way. Just 12 years ago in my warehouse worker days I regularly had lunch at Burger King, and it usually consisted of a Double Bacon Whopper with Cheese meal, king-sized, of course. Back then, I'd practically eat anything that could reasonably be called food. And I was as carnivorous as one could be.

But there are some food concoctions out there that even me of 12 years ago would've had second thoughts about eating, or even attempting to eat, such as six pound burgers, chicken fried bacon, and many other types of deep-fried food that should never be deep fried.

Then I came across the Bacon Explosion.

I'm speechless. Just click on the above link if you don't know what I'm talking about.

Creative? Absolutely. Adventurous? If Mt. Everest was located on the South Pole, climbing it backwards while blindfolded and then BASE jumping off the peak in the nude while getting a tattoo wouldn't be as adventurous as eating one of these.

I suppose it's not intended for one person to eat the damn thing, but I'd bet my last dollar that someone, somewhere is going to try if he hasn't already. And I know I just did something I'd bust one of my students for doing: using non-gender-neutral language, but I feel confident saying that if someone is going to try to eat four pounds of barbecued pork, that someone is a man, baby.

I have to admit, however, that the creativity and sense of adventure used by the inventor of the Bacon Explosion has gotten some wheels turning in my brain. I showed this to Cathy and asked her if we should try it with Smart Bacon and Tofurkey Italian Sausage. She was up for it, but now that I think about it, it's probably sacrilege to even attempt it.

No, I'll leave the Bacon Explosion to those adventurous carnivores, or to those looking for a clever, tasty way to commit suicide.

Rob

Excuses, Excuses

2009-01-24T13:21:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Apparently, a passing mention of a three day weekend turned into a seven day weekend, or at least a seven day break from posting here on my blog. I know I said I was going to try to post everyday, and I've kinda half-assed tried to do so, but lately I've been having mixed feelings about the whole thing. I mean, what is the point of posting something if it's crap? Just so I can say I posted something every day? On the other hand, one of the reasons I started blogging in the first place is to keep me motivated to write something, anything, warts and all, so maybe that's the point. On the other, other hand, another reason I blog because I enjoy doing so. But sometimes when I force myself to blog every day, it feels more like work than fun, and more like another obligation than a hobby I enjoy.

Also, the Daily Win and FAIL format has been a lot of fun, but sometimes I feel pressed to come up with something, usually on the FAIL end of things, just so I can have something to write about. Then I end up complaining about something that really isn't much of a big deal, and I feel like too much of a complainer. Then again, I'm currently complaining about complaining, so there you go.

This is my dilemma. Should I post every day, regardless of whether or not I have something interesting to say? Or should I only post only when the mood strikes me, when I have the time and desire to put in an appropriate level of effort into it? Which is better, quantity or quality? Readers?

Lately, the idea of posting only if I really, really have something to say seems to be winning out, hence this past week of silence. Of course, it doesn't hurt that I have naturally lazy tendencies, either. I guess I'm learning what being a professional writer is like (except I'm not getting paid for this), so in that sense: Mission Accomplished!

I guess I'm just trying to justify my lazy tendencies since I no longer have school to blame for my not posting. Fortunately, I've found the perfect excuse for my absence, as well as anything else I need a scapegoat for, "Teh GAYZ!":

Rob

DW&F: New 'do and Bad Poetry

2009-01-16T22:18:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Well, it's the start of a 3-Day Weekend (At Rancho Bebop), and I'm really thankful for everything Martin Luther King Jr. did because it means that he not only helped make life much less shitty for black people, but he also gave us a good reason to take an extra day off in the middle of January. We sure could use it.

Actually, I already have Mondays off, but that's because I'm a loser with a part-time job. But this time Cathy has Monday off as well, which means that we could go do something fun together. Or not.

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Cathy's new 'do

It's always scary when someone gets a haircut, particularly when it's a somewhat drastic haircut like Cathy got. I mean, it's not like she got a buzz-cut or anything, but it is significantly shorter. But I like it. I think it looks great, and I think she looks great. I think she likes it as well, which makes it an all-around Win!

FAIL: Bad poetry

Here's a photo of some prose written on the wall of a bathroom stall at Lane Community College:

For the benefit of those who can't read it, here's a transcription provided by Yours Truly, free of charge:

I learn all day in the Halls
and drink so much coffee I
bounce of the walls
Then I come to these
Hallowed stalls
To sit and shit
and scratch my balls

I don't exactly fancy myself a poetry critic, but there a few things about this poem that warrants a FAIL! First off, I don't think much learning occurs in the halls of LCC because 1) there aren't very many halls on campus, and 2) because the learning tends to take place in the classrooms, in the tutor center, and on the bus, but rarely ever in the halls, and certainly not all day long. Secondly, there was a golden opportunity in this poem to connect drinking a lot of coffee to later spending a lot of time in the stall, but this opportunity was completely wasted. Also, if someone is going go through the trouble of rhyming four words, at least he (I suppose it could be "she," but this was in the men's room) could arrange the stanzas accordingly. Finally, black ink pen is a waste of time because it will be gone in a couple days or so (well, more like a month with the short-staffed LCC facilities crew--not that it's their fault). If you're going to "post" poetry in the bathroom, use a pen knife or box cutter so future generations can enjoy your work. On second thought, non-permanent is probably the way to go with this poem. FAIL!

Look, I realize that it's only a community college and I shouldn't hold the students up to university standards. So let's bring in an expert critic, shall we? What does Cleocatra have to say?

This poetry lacks the sophistication of other bathroom works, such as "Here I sit broken hearted." I'd give it a thumbs down if I had thumbs. Now either feed or pet me, you lazy jerk!

Well, I'd better get going. See you next time!

Rob

DW&F: Water Landings and Hearings for What?

2009-01-15T21:45:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

You know, I've learned something. Posting something new every day is tough! Even using the rerun technicality still requires that I post something.

But just because it's tough and just because I've occasionally posted reruns does not mean that I don't enjoy doing this. Um, that last sentence included a lot of negatives, and I'm not sure if I got it right, but what I'm trying to say is that I enjoy doing this, and so I'll keep at it until I no longer do.

And if you were hoping that I'd stop sometime soon so that you can find a much better blog to follow, you're out of luck.

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: Amazing landings

Well, this one was pretty much a no-brainer. In case you've been living under a rock, some airline pilot (who will most likely be on the Today Show and Letterman in the next couple of days) managed to land a passenger jet on the Hudson River today--and nobody died!

I heard this story, and all I could think about was a bit by the late, great George Carlin about the safety speech the flight attendants give before your flight takes off:

The safety lecture continues. "In the unlikely event of a water landing . . ." Well, what exactly is a water landing? Am I mistaken, or does this sound somewhat similar to CRASHING INTO THE OCEAN!? ". . . your seat cushion can be used as a flotation device." Well, imagine that, my seat cushion... Just what I need -- to float around the North Atlantic for several days -- clinging to a pillow full of beer farts...

A plane that crashed and nobody died? A news story that reminded me of a Carlin bit? Win!

On a wing and a prayer?

On second thought, that was the lamest thing I've ever written on this blog or anywhere else. Let's move on before I have to FAIL myself.

FAIL: Congressional hearings over football?

This is unreal:

The incoming chairman of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform said Wednesday that he will hold hearings and possibly subpoena NCAA officials, college presidents, players, coaches and athletics directors in effort to force a playoff in the Football Bowl Subdivision.

Look, I know that lots of people love football. I know that it's an American tradition. I also know that there is often controversy at the end of the NCAA season over who is the number one college team (what football has to do with higher education I'll never understand, but whatever). So I am approaching this with the mindset that since I'm not much of a football (or sports in general) fan, maybe I just don't understand. Maybe I simply don't realize how crucial and important deciding the number one college football team is.

But I can't help but wonder if holding hearings over this is really the best way Congress should be spending its time. In fact, here are just a few things that to me seem a bit more important:

The economy
Two wars
Torture
Global warming
Unemployment
Corporate political influence
Poverty
Universal health care
Renewable energy
Marriage equality
The manipulation/fabrication of "evidence" to start an illegal war
Environmental degradation
Education
Nuclear proliferation
Frankenfoods
Israeli aggression
The erosion of Civil Liberties
Globalization
Child/domestic abuse
Exploitation of sweatshop labor
Decriminalization of marijuana
Taser deaths
Reproductive rights
Puppies and kittens that need loving families

These are ones that I (with a little help from Cathy) thought of off the top of my our heads, without doing any research. To us, they seem relatively important, even more so than the football playoffs. To Congress, it's, "Nah, let's talk about football playoffs instead."

I'm trying to come up with some sort of response to this, and I'm actually speechless (writeless?). There's only one thing that comes to mind: FAIL!!!

These football players never have to worry about falling victim to the stereotype of the "dumb jock" so long as Congress is around for comparison's sake.

Rob

Another Rerun

2009-01-14T22:30:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

Here is another encore presentation, this time of a vacation in New England that we took a year and a half ago.

Sure, this may be another rerun, but look at it this way: at least I went through the trouble of letting you know that it was a rerun! Otherwise, you might not have even known!

And for those of you who might be thinking that this whole link to a rerun thing is a cheap technicality that keeps me from posting something new yet still allows me to keep my promise of posting every day, well... okay, you're right. But let me remind you, this author doesn't exactly merit compensation for the effort he puts forth!

Rob

Reruns

2009-01-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I decided to take the day off. So in my absence, please enjoy an encore presentation of the posting about our trip to Tahoe and Yosemite. See y'all tomorrow!

Rob

DW&F: One Week and The Last Press Conference

2009-01-12T23:56:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I'm tired and grumpy, so let's get right to it:

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: One week

That's right. There's only one more week left of the disastrous Bush regime. One week. It's a sort of light at the end of the tunnel thing...

Something tells me this week is going to seem like several months.

Nevertheless, while I know the next four years will be light years ahead of the last eight in terms of leadership, I do realize that there's really nowhere to go but up. Whether or not Obama does a good job remains to be seen, but, while he certainly is a skilled politician, I don't think even he can do worse than Bush even if he tried. The scary thing is I don't think Bush was trying to suck so badly.

Of course, anything can happen in one week, particularly with this idiot and his cabinet. So we're not in the clear just yet. Still, the end is nigh! Win!

FAIL: The Press Conference

Just go here. If you want to see clips, just Google it. I'm too tired and exasperated to seek it out for you.

Where to begin? 9/11. According to Bush, it didn't matter what he did, the pundits would've been critical. So he decided to bomb the wrong country and leave one hundred thousand to one million or more dead. Gee, for some reason I think the press would've been less critical if he hadn't done that.

Then there's Katrina, which left almost 2,000 people are dead and over $80 million in damages, not to mention a major city was almost completely destroyed. Heck of a job, Brownie, right? But Bush decides to talk about how he was criticized for flying over the city and not landing, and how if he would've landed, it would've diverted crucial resources. Now, I've had many beers since 2006, but as I recall, the problem wasn't so much that Bush flew over New Orleans, but that people were dying while Bush celebrated John McCain's birthday and acted like a fool with a guitar. But what do I know?

And of course, there's the whole economy in the crapper problem. This one is a bit personal to me since I'm looking for a job and hardly anyone is hiring. According to Bush, this whole thing isn't his fault because there was a recession when he came into office and there is a recession now. Today, I heard that we're on track to have the longest recession since World War 2. I know Bush has been around for a while, but I didn't realize he was elected during World War 2. I guess time flies when you're out of work!

Besides these three issues, Bush's press conference was essentially about how he's the greatest president since Lincoln and that we're so fortunate that he's been our president because things are so much better now than they were eight years ago. Unfortunately for Bush, he is the only one left so delusional to believe that, including his staff.

But hey, it can't be that bad for him. I doubt the Democrats will have the spine to prosecute him, as well as Cheney, Gonzales, etc. for their war crimes. So the lesson here is that you shouldn't break the law unless you are the president or have political connections (but don't have sex with an intern). And that's a shitty lesson for the president to be teaching. FAIL!

In fact, everything about this administration has been a FAIL!

FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

Goodbye and good riddance!

Rob

DW&F: McMenamins and Belgians

2009-01-11T22:17:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!

I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to keep up the Daily Win and FAIL! I've enjoyed doing it, but I've found that there have been other things I've wanted to blog about, but either I couldn't or I had to try to turn it into a Win or FAIL since I'm somewhat committed to this format. I'd still like to try to blog every day, and maybe I'll do an "Occasional Win and FAIL" instead of a daily one. Who knows.

Daily Win and FAIL!

Win: McMenamins

I love McMenamins, and I love that Eugene has three of them. We've recently rediscovered McMenamins East 19th Street Cafe, and treated ourselves to dinner there tonight. They had their Porter on Nitro, which is always a pleasure, and we finished our dinner by sharing a Terminator Stout Milkshake. Win!

FAIL: Belgian Style Ale

I picked up a 6-pack of the latest of the Widmer Brewers' Release series, this being the W '09 Belgian Style Ale. I usually don't like Belgian brews, but I've had great luck with the W '08 and the W '07, so I thought I'd give it a shot. The upshot: I still don't like Belgian brews. But I'll finish this 6-pack, particularly because growing up I was taught to finish whatever I start. FAIL!

Rob